The Power of the Pause

My recent learning experiences have all highlighted the power and importance of the pause.  It feels like a lesson I’m still trying to figure out. When you think about it, a pause is so important it is everywhere. 

Recently I was at a conference, listening to some incredible speakers. I was learning more about horses and equine-assisted learning.  One of the speakers was talking about the power of taking time off.  She was using the example of her own small business and simply shutting it for a year.  The thought seemed horrifying to me until I really started to listen and reflect.  With the power of the pause, it is OK to stop and pause, because often in the silence is when the magic happens.  

Ever had your best ideas at 2 am in the morning or in the shower when you are simply not thinking about anything else.  It is in the still moments when our creativity happens.

COVID Pause

Fit your own oxygen mask

For me one of those moments was in the exhaustion.  In the first wave of COVID, I got a chance to stop and think and really look for answers.  One of the questions I continued to grapple with is what can I learn from this experience.  If this was a life lesson I wanted to make sure I got from it what I could.  The message was “fit your own oxygen mask first”.   

This analogy was given to me at a leadership forum. It resonated with me as I was flying a lot at the time so visually and emotionally I understood it.  We were talking about how as leaders in our own organisations we needed to be at our best so that we can support our teams.  You cannot lead others if you are stressed out and not coping.  You simply don’t make great decisions and have nothing left in the tank for everyone else.   So take some time to do the things that make you stronger and fill your cup. 

The rest and regeneration are essential, you need to be the one steering the ship.  Now is not the time to do more, but, to be more present.  

The Power of Pause in Horse Training 

Sitting around doing nothing is the most important thing to do when you are training a horse.  Horses learn in the pause.  It’s called soaking.  You can understand for a woman who is always on the go and trying to fit one more thing in my day, this concept has taken me years to get my head around.  

My horse riding used to be on a schedule. Generally, I had 40 minutes before the sun sets and I have to run through a dressage test because I have a competition coming up.  So for my poor horse, he just had to run through the movements, because practice makes perfect, right.  This only satisfies one member of the team.  It’s a lot how I explain the difference between management and leadership. I would give the instructions and my horse just needed to follow the instructions.  If he got it wrong or got it right we would do it again. 

horse training

In horse language, we were writing lines but he just wasn’t sure what he had done that he needed to write the lines. 

For a horse, when they get something right the pressure needs to come off.  The question was answered and so they understand they have done a good job they get to rest.  You do this a few times and suddenly you are training your horse to try harder. 

Their reward is in the pause.  It is how they process what they learnt and how they know they got it right.  If you don’t allow a horse to pause and “soak” they get frustrated and confused.  You create behavioural problems.   The power of the pause builds their confidence. 

It is the same with people. If you don’t stop and recognise when they do something great they stop trying. Even worse when you continue to ask the same question and point out their mistakes soon they become disengaged or even develop mental health issues like anxiety and depression. 

Pause in Public speaking

The Presentation Guru has a great article on the power of the pause in public speaking.  You should pause before you start talking and command the attention of the room.  Have you ever been to a talk and someone simply stands at the lectern and somehow the room starts to get quiet?  Those that keep talking get hushed by others.  That comes from the power of the pause.  When you make a point in speaking then pause people have time to reflect on what you said and it emphasises that point.  

Great orators defiantely know the power of the pause.  

Music

The pause in music

​“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart

A Moment in Argument

Have you ever taken just a moment of pause in a heated discussion?  The short moment to pause and breathe allows your brain a moment to respond and not react.  If you have children this is a powerful tool! No parent hasn’t had a moment where they have lost their rational thought process with their child. 

In a moment of frustration, we all want to be able to replay that moment and do it differently.  But if you can practise a pause and a breath you can “not sweat the small stuff”.  Their room is a mess and they haven’t done the dishes as you asked them a million times already.  Rather than lose your cool a pause may help you reframe the conversation and save your relationship.   A simple pause can some of the most important relationships in our lives and stop us from saying something we can’t take back.  

Negotiations 

The pause in a complex discussion also allows you to hear and to really listen.  One of my early bosses who was teaching about sales and negotiation used the phrase “he who speaks first loses” you need to get comfortable in the silence.  

Stop Revive Survive 

This was a national driving campaign encouraging drivers to take a break every 2 hours. Driving tired is equivalent to driving under the influence of alcohol.  So if you shouldn’t trust your tired self behind the wheel of the car what else is your tired self in charge of that could be dangerous.  The fatality rate of fatigue when driving is one of the 3 big killers on our roads.  So, there are times where your life depends on the pause. 

The Pause in Meditation 

When meditating you are literally trying to find the silence and the pause.  There is a lot of research about the health benefits of meditation and the power of that pause. 

The research from Harvard explained the power of meditation in reducing stress in your nervous system.

There are two parts to our nervous system: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. These two parts perform different functions and each is important.  The sympathetic nervous system prepares our body to react to stress (“fight or flight”) and the parasympathetic helps us recover from stress (“rest and digest”).

So when we are stressed or come into a stressful situation we need our body to release chemicals that temporarily improve performance. In some instances, these chemicals produce a high and allow us to perform at our peak.  Cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones increase heart rate, slow digestion, and increase blood pressure, all to allow greater blood flow to our muscles, heart, and brain to be able to think or act quickly.   But we also need to switch off this response and put our body into the rest and digest mode.  

Meditation allows our parasympathetic nervous system to engage and for us to recover.  Meditation retreats are silent for days to not only rest your body and mind. They give you patience and clarity.  

The Power of Prayer 

Even the regular act of silence and prayer can physically change your brain.  Neurological studies have shown that it changes the frontal lobe.  In addition, there is also evidence that those who regularly use prayer to a loving God rather than a punitive God also reduces their anxiety, depression, and stress and increases feelings of security, compassion, and love. 

When we are overstimulated we lose our creativity.  We lose our energy and we lose ourselves.  We need to learn to celebrate the pause, rather than the hustle.  By fitting more in a day we are less effective, we have somewhere learned to wear with pride being busy.  Try doing more by stopping and feel the power of the pause.