There are countless ways to improve your overall life. However, the chances are high that you’re overlooking one of the major areas: your emotional intelligence. Improving your emotional intelligence can create a significant difference when it comes to your happiness and success. If you’re looking to increase your emotional intelligence, here are 5 ways you try.
Find Stress-Relieving Techniques
One of the easiest ways to improve your emotional intelligence is to determine your sources of stress and find a way to limit them. Stress-relief measures, like meditation, deep breathing, and yoga, might work for some people, but others might find hitting the speed bag or going for a run to be more effective at reducing stress. Finding out what works best for you. When you are in the moment and relaxed it is much easier to be your calm assertive self. It can help you become more emotionally intelligent in no time.
Take a Pause Before You Judge
Judging others is often a knee-jerk reaction that has become second nature to many of us. However, if you want to increase your emotional intelligence, you need to identify your judgmental thoughts and try to pause before you make a quick judgment. When you take the time to think about it, you may find that you are not upset with the person, but you are dealing with stress in another part of your life.
When I stop and ask myself why is this making me react rather than respond? More often than not it is because the situation is triggering some past trauma. It has nothing to do with the person or the moment in front of me.
Become Aware of How You Feel
Rather than immediately trying to combat negative feelings, take some time to sit with them for a while first. Understanding what it means for you to feel anger, resentment, or anger without an immediate fix can help you address what is causing you to feel those feelings and allows you to find a healthier way to deal with those emotions. Understanding and naming your emotions gives you power. It is possible to feel many emotions at once. You can be angry and happy all at the same time. One example, that comes to mind is when I lost my youngest child who was about 9 at the time and he was meant to be at home doing homework. When I got home the house was empty. After I looked in every corner of the house, I then starting going up and down the streets looking for him and had no idea where he was. Now in a panicked and frantic state, I thought I have to call the police because my son is missing. Soon after the police arrived at my doorstep while taking my statement my son appeared. He was just next door playing with a new friend he made that afternoon. He hadn’t heard me calling out his name up and down the street.
I had 100 emotions all at the same time, embarrassment, happiness, relieved, and anger, are the first few that came to mind. I went backwards and forwards through all the emotions in a very short period of time. This is why sometimes it is difficult to name our emotions and what we are feeling at a particular moment.
Learn to Take Criticism
No one likes to feel as though they are being criticised. However, learning to accept constructive criticism is a significant part of being emotionally intelligent. Helping trusted people give you feedback allows you to see your blind spots but be careful who you take critism from and how it is delivered.
The best technique for giving or receiving criticism is a “shit sandwich”. Start with the positive, put the suggested improvement in and then close it with another positive. This way feedback can be heard and actioned.
When we understand our authentic selves we can choose to adapt and change. We need advisors in our corner to help us learn how to be a better version of ourselves. Learning how, what and who to believe with feedback is a massive step toward increasing your emotional intelligence.
Accept Your Weaknesses
No one is perfect, and that’s alright. However, if you are looking to increase your emotional intelligence, it is imperative that you accept your weakness and learn from them, rather than simply denying that you have them. Learning to accept your shortcomings can significantly improve your emotional intelligence.
Emotional intelligence is an essential aspect of both your personal and professional success. These five methods for increasing your emotional intelligence can significantly improve your life.
Turning your failure into success is something that successful people do and yet failure hurts.
You may have read all the self-help books and the autobiographies of men like Abraham Lincoln who failed all their lives and finally succeeded. It all seems so positive and feel good until you actually fail. One of Mike Tyson’s most famous quotes is, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” There’s just no denying that failure is a bitter pill to swallow. It doesn’t matter how many times you fail, you’ll still feel that twinge of disappointment, shame, frustration or anger when your best attempts to succeed fail. I have failed too many times to mention. I try new things a lot and not all of them turn out great. Some of them are just ugly hot sweaty messes that I would rather sweep under the carpet and not let anyone see them.
Usually, the most successful people, are not the ones who do not fail they are often the ones who are better at coping with failure. The reason for this is that they fail more than most people but they just never give up. To be you and to innovate you will need to “fail your way to success”. Or simply “fail fast and fail forward”.
It also means that successful people do more, where someone else may quit the moment failure knocks on their door. There are many ways to cope with failure but it still going to hurt when you fail.
Sometimes it may feel like the only thing you ever learn from a failure is that you failed. While this is not true, it certainly may seem that way in the moment. We are all human with egos and no one likes to fail, you feel like you have wasted your time or money. In a social media world we like to portray that everything is perfect. It is simply not true. You could have worked hard and have a business venture that collapsed. Or maybe your relationship with your spouse crumbles and is beyond repair. Maybe your health takes a turn for the worse despite living a healthy lifestyle. All these are events.
Understanding this, is the key point that makes all the difference, failure is an event, not a person. Like they say, never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart. It will hurt, and chances are you will need to grieve for what you have lost. Even if it is for the future you imagined. Everyone, shares this experience we all fail!
Watch a baby trying to walk. If they had an ego or were worried about what someone might think they would fall down once in front of everyone and not get back up. But it is their failures that teach them how to walk. They experiment.
In life you will fail and there will be disappointment, but when you learn to embrace failure as a learning experience like a toddler you can use this experience to move forward. Success is not final and failure is not fatal. As long as you’re breathing you still can turn your failures into successes.
Here are the 7 secrets that successful people use failure into success
Different people do it differently but, they understand failure is always temporary. Failure is not the opposite of success. It is part of success. Now let’s look at how you can cope with it when it comes your way… and you can rest assured that it will. So be prepared.
Don’t take it personally
The blame game. This is the biggest mistake that most people make. They blame themselves when things go wrong. Or they blame other people. When you do not separate a failure from you, then your self-esteem will drop and you’ll be much more tempted to quit. Don’t look for the who, look for the why or how so you can learn. If you are quick to blame others they often don’t want to help to be part of the solution either.
People quit on their dreams because they don’t believe that they’re capable of achieving what their hearts desire. They feel that it’s too hard and the reason they feel that way is because they may have failed. For example, when someone is trying to lose weight and watching their diet closely, there will be times when they give in to temptation and eat something they shouldn’t. When this happens, they feel guilt and regret that they failed at maintaining their diet.
What do they do then? They toss their diet aside and gorge themselves on food that they’re not supposed to. They believe that they lack the self-discipline to stay focused and lose weight… Just because of one temporary lapse in judgment. This is ridiculous and it’s like accidentally dropping your mobile phone once only to pick it up and keep smashing it on the ground over and over because of one accident. It doesn’t make sense… and yet people act in a similar way.
When you fail at something, whether it’s a blog or your marriage, do not assume that you’re useless and just throw in the towel. What defines you is how well you rise after falling. So the most important point to note is that you should not let failure define you as a person. Always know that you can do better.
Learn From Your Mistakes – Failure is Simply Feedback
All the most successful people have learned from their mistakes and try not to repeat them. Failure can also be treated as feedback. If some aspect of your business, job or relationship fails, ask yourself why this happened. My husband has a beautiful saying you can stay married or you can be right you cant be both. Someone has to be vulnerable in a relationship, better if it is shared and you learn to compromise.
If your new dream was a product and the launch was a flop, there must be a reason why. Was your niche unprofitable? Did the sales page convert poorly? Not the right marketing or could be the wrong audience. Ever been fired from a job? I have, I learned fast and hard from that experience. I understood the impact of no sleep and chaos at home, I simply couldn’t function properly. They had every right to fire me.
Analysis is very important so that you do not repeat the same errors. This is the only way to make progress and succeed. Michael Eisner, the Chairman and CEO of the Disney Corporation said, “Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.”
The only way to prevent failure from becoming a habit is to take stock of your situation, learn from your mistakes and adapt. If you can see it as a learning experience. The question I ask myself is “what is the universe trying to teach me?” If I end up in a similar situation I add the second piece “hurry-up and learn the lesson because what you learned the last time was the wrong lesson look again”
I try to maintain a certain degree of detachment so that it is a lesson not a personal affront. The “why me?” question doesn’t help. Sometimes it is a good idea to take a break for a short while and come back to it when you’re feeling better.
Stop Dwelling On Your Failures
You may have noticed that all some people can talk about is how life has treated them so badly. No matter what they do, they fail at it due to bad luck or unforeseen circumstances. We have all seen people are who are comfortable in the space where they are the constant victim. Life happens to them. They appear to have no control. When bad things happen they loose all sense of coping too. Do not dwell on your failures. Where as some people go through the most tragic circumstances and achieve something remarkable from it. It is their post traumatic growth.
Analyze them and move on. You have better things in store for you. Missed out on an opportunity? No worries. Better ones are coming your way. Product launch flopped? That’s ok the next one will sell thousands. Picked the wrong niche to monetize? No big deal. You now know how to find niches with people waiting to buy stuff. Problem solved.
It is inevitable to lose time, effort and money when something fails. If you keep focusing on what is lost, you’ll never be able to focus on what you can gain and there is so much more out there for you.
Focus on the positive and bury your failures.
Model Others
There’s a saying that you should always learn from the mistakes of others because you’ll never live long enough to make them all yourself. If you want to achieve something find people who have already done and it and seek some wisdom. I will not ask marriage advice from someone who has been divorced 3 times. But I will when I see a couple who have been married for 50 years. I can guarantee that they have learned a lot along the way and not all it was easy.
If you want to learn a new skill or a new business venture watch the people who are already doing it, take a lesson or get some coaching. Find a way to get to know others in the field who have already failed and succeeded. Be a beginner and seek help.
There are costs
One of the biggest concerns to building a dream is the loss of money. Creating a business or a goal costs time and money. Sometimes we need to trade off one or the other often both. If you don’t have the time what can you outsource and pay someone to do? Is it someone to clean the house, or walk the dog, so you can focus on marketing your new side hustle? Is it getting the expertise you need to coach you through. Or can you put the time into to learn new skills. Chasing dreams costs time and money and you need to understand that there is a sacrifice. Whether that is to your family time when you are putting together budgets and business plans. Or simply needing money to create cashflow for your new venture.
Creating a product costs money. Testing out ads costs money. Outsourcing costs money. There is no getting away from this. In fact, to run any business you need money. It’s like oxygen for your business and without it, your business will shrivel up and die. So, it’s crucial that you have a source of income coming in to tide you over if any online endeavor fails.
When the business fails and the bills start piling up you just may need to get another job to get back on your feet. Do not feel like you have failed and are doomed to a life of ‘working for the man.’ This is just a temporary setback and like Joel Osteen, always says, “A setback is a set up for a comeback.”
Go ahead and take that job. It will feel like retrogression but you must understand that even a tiger crouches before it leaps. Once you have money coming in, the pressure that your finances are causing you will ease. That’s really how it is. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.
Do not throw your efforts down the drain and quit just because you failed a couple of times. As long as you keep learning and doing, success is inevitable.
Release the Need for Approval from Others
I have seen this fear literally stop people from even trying to do things that they love as they are worried about what others might think. This can destroy your dreams and what you were put on this earth to do if you let it. It is a common fear and makes failure seem much worse than it really is. People often worry what others will think or say about them when they fail. It’s definitely true that you’ll have friends and family members who will tell you, “I told you so!” when you fail. Some of them may even take pleasure in it. This is human nature. It could even be your spouse or parents who don’t support your dreams.
When you fail and see their disapproving looks or hear their sarcastic words, it can seem worse.The truth of the matter is that you only have one life to live and you need to live it for yourself. It doesn’t matter what others say or think about you. Just because others think you’re dumb for failing doesn’t mean that you’re really foolish.
How people see you should have zero impact on how you see yourself. Have faith in yourself and don’t pay heed to the naysayers.
Take a Break
Time heals all wounds. Sometimes when failure really gets to you, it may be time to take a break and put some space between you and your dreams. This will help to clear your mind so that you can think objectively. While taking a break, you can self-reflect and think about your future plans. You may decide to have backup plans to correct any future failures or problems that may crop up.
Take the time to exercise. Research has shown that hard training like boxing, Crossfit, sprinting, etc. help people to release pent up frustration and anger. Go for walk, spend time outside and ground yourself. This can be therapeutic when coping with failure. Instead of numbing your emotions, with alcohol, food or something else. Exercise and therapy can help. Do what suits you best.
What is most important is that you not let failure make you quit. That is the most common consequence of failure. People fail a few times and they quit. If you read the story of Colonel Sanders, you’d realise that he was turned down 1,009 times before he finally found someone who would use his recipe. Walt Disney was turned down over 300 times before he received financing for Disney World. Your dream could be one more attempt away.
