Fear. Anxiety. Dry mouth. Reactive. Upset in the pit of your stomach. Worry. Heart racing. What if… Emotional. Exhausted. As I sit and reflect on the reactions of my mind and body during periods of personal growth they are all very uncomfortable states. I keep telling myself it’s where the magic happens. It is pushing through the discomfort. The growth is on the edges.
I have personally been in a zone of discomfort for some time now. And thinking, why do I continue to do this to myself?
Discomfort
My current story for context is I have recently packed up my entire life and moved interstate, leaving behind a well-established network, family and friends. Whilst I realise I am not the first person to do this I didn’t fully appreciate how difficult it would be.
Finding myself without a vet for my horses almost tipped me over the edge when Peggy got an abscess and was in extreme discomfort. I just wanted someone with a degree to look at my horse and tell me it was going to be ok. Instead, I sat sobbing in my paddock face buried in my hands sitting in the dirt beside my horse. After trying unsuccessfully to get three different vets out to look at my horse, I felt defeated and my head was filled with negative thoughts.
It wasn’t just that moment but lots of smaller hard moments too. There are many time-consuming tasks in finding a dentist, doctor, hairdresser, mechanic, and most importantly a good barrister. People that you need to trust to give you good advice and support. Your network and community. These take time to build and I am trying to do it all whilst taking on a new all consuming job.
These simple things are things we take for granted and don’t use our conscious thinking, they become our routine, like finding the best route to work in the morning. What I have realised that all these tasks become mentally exhausting until we build new mental pathways in our brains.
Now, as I sit facing another day with a daunting to-do list. I am reminding myself it’s in the discomfort that we experience growth. Our personal growth happens on the edges. I know this fact to be true.
It is going through and surviving some of the darkest moments in my life that I have realised what I am really capable of.
As I reflect on all those who I have helped going through extraordinary circumstances, this is the common thread. It’s about understanding that feeling of discomfort is ok. Sometimes it’s great!
Controlling our environment
I am not sure why we have been trained to believe that we think life should be easy and we should always be happy. It’s not real life. Our curated world on social media shows us the highlight reels of everyone else’s existence. The advertising and marketing messages we are served up are clear if you have “this product or service” you will be happy and all your problems will be solved. You should be comfortable. And what happens to all of us after hearing and believing these messages constantly is that we move away from any level of discomfort at any cost. We control our environment to the point that we don’t experience discomfort. We live in air conditioning, don’t get wet, don’t get dirty, and somehow everything around us need to be perfect and controlled. Why? And how did we get here?
Feeling positive emotions all the time. It’s simply not true, nor is it possible. It’s actually unhealthy.
So, my revolution and evolution came when I started changing how I thought about that anxious and fearful feeling. It matters. Because being scared and uncomfortable is where you learn and where the magic happens.
Personal growth happens on the edges, it often happens when we step outside of our comfort zones and face situations that make us uncomfortable. When we are uncomfortable, we are often forced to confront our fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs, which are the catalyst for personal growth.
Find ways to challenge yourself:
I have found when I step into the space to do things that I am not comfortable with, I find new experiences and learning opportunities. You learn new things about yourself.
Overcoming obstacles:
This is the best way to build resilience. No book or course is going to give you better skills than when you face obstacles and challenges that make you uncomfortable. Learning problem-solving skills and patience is developed through practice. So the best the best possible way to develop your problem-solving skills is through overcoming obstacles.
Learning from mistakes:
When you make mistakes or fail, it can be uncomfortable. Let’s be honest no one likes making mistakes but it can also provide invaluable learning experiences that help us grow and improve. The quickest way to learn and improve is through mistakes, embrace them.
Developing new perspectives:
Understanding others happens when you step out of your comfort zones. Have you ever gone to another country and experienced a different culture or a different lifestyle? It is where you can gain new perspectives and insights, compassion and understanding come through a new perspective. This helps us to grow and develop as individuals.
When we face our fears and overcome challenges, we can develop confidence in ourselves and our abilities, which can help us grow and achieve our goals.
It’s important to remember that personal growth can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s also a necessary part of life. By embracing discomfort and facing our fears, anything is possible.
This was a question I was recently asked to me. My enthusiastic response was “it can work for anyone if you are willing”. Now I know that sounds like it is a throwaway line, but as I started to reflect on the life-changing outcomes that I have seen first-hand I genuinely believe this statement.
Having worked with people of different ages and stages of life, and very different walks of life. I believe it is true. Working with very senior executive leaders to young vulnerable teens, I have seen it work every time.
What is Equine Assisted Learning?
We make change happen by creating unique workshops based on spending time with our horses. Our horses can help you shift your perspective in a very short period of time. It works because it is so out of the box and experiential. The horse experience helps individuals think differently, feel differently, and act differently. . Equine Assisted Learning is a growing trend and one that is spreading like wildfire across the globe. There are many people who have been using this form of learning for years, but it has only recently received recognition in the mainstream media. I wanted to share some amazing outcomes that explain why I continue to learn and offer my time in doing this.
How the Journey Started For Me
I was so lucky I got to spend some time with an incredible horseman Greg Powell. He opened my eyes to what was possible. He had started a charity called Kalandan Foundation and was working with very vulnerable teenagers and made a documentary about it called Wild Horses Wild Kids. At the time I was working for a charity called Sir David Martin Foundation and as part of what we funded was the brumby program with Greg Powell. What I witnessed during this time changed me forever. I was awestruck, excited and so curious as to how traumatised teenagers were changing before my eyes. I really had no idea what was going on. It felt at the time like I was watching a magic show. I could see changes happening I just couldn’t figure out how or what was happening.
I was asking so many questions and watching with a newly found curiosity trying to figure out what was going on right in front of me. Well, with my curiosity sparked I went down a rabbit hole that has changed my whole world. I am a very different person now, from the one that started this journey.
So many things have been put in my path from that moment until now and too many serendipitous moments for me to ignore. I have met some of the most incredible horse people and leaders from whom I have taken so much of my learnings. I also have had horses that have challenged and pushed me to find better ways. I have also pursued the dream by getting qualified as an equine-assisted learning facilitator.
The Leadership Session That Changed Everything
I am engaged in a leadership group and we were sharing stories and issues. One of the people in the group asked “if I could run horse whispering sessions for leaders” no hesitation I said “Sure thing”. And moved on with the conversation and didn’t give it a second thought. Not thinking anything more about that conversation, a few weeks later I was asked when I would be available for 8 senior leaders to come out to my place to run that session we talked about. I could feel that nagging inner voice telling me that I can’t possibly do this, and then, the panicset in. What on earth had I said yes to? I couldn’t run a session for other senior leaders. What would they say? How could I show my face if it didn’t work?
Or could I?
Then I realised I wouldn’t know if I didn’t at least try. So I did and the rest is history.
There were so many incredible things that happened that day for me and for everyone there. It was a moment that made me believe I really can do this.
Outcomes
Having worked with now a number of vulnerable young people, women with anxiety and senior leaders I realise that this can work for anyone. Here are a few of my favourite life-altering moments.
A young man with anger management issues, Aspergers and a raft of other complex issues came to do a 4-week session. He learned from my horses that “people listen to me when I am being nice and not angry. I can get what I want from being nicer people” This was a major turning point for this young man who at the time was unable to live at home partly due to his anger management issues.
A young girl who was struggling with her mental health and significant relationships with her family had almost completely broken down. She learned from horses how to make friends and be open to the possibility of letting others into her life.
A senior leader who was authoritarian in his approach to those around him learned from my horses how using fear and intimidation as a motivational technique felt to those around him. This changed the way he started dealing with his family. He began to have a healthy relationship with his teenage daughter.
A senior leader who was too apologetic and trying to be friends with everyone learned how to be calm and assertive in his approach. Amazingly his large team of staff started listening to him and he began to get results from a team who were disengaged prior.
A young anxious woman who was struggling, with everyday life and finding everything difficult. After going through family counselling, psychologists, medication when I met her she had given up. Nothing had really worked. Well, I can say my horses performed again after a couple of sessions we had a different person showing up she is smiling and engaged and positive about her life. My horses helped her understand her boundaries and see she needed some persistence to get through.
An anxiety-filled woman who really struggled to overcome imposter syndrome, now leading a team of macho men in a male-dominated workshop. Horses gave her the confidence to be her authentic self and find power in that space.
Equine Assisted Learning Can Help You
These experiences and so many more have changed my life. I continue to see what is possible. The incredible healing that my horses can provide from deep-seated trauma is something I don’t fully understand how. I just know it does. I can see my horse go into a calm lowered energy space and how she starts to transform those around her. It is something that is really special to see and feel. The change in the people in her presence. They explain it as “I just feel better”. If you don’t know it is happening you would miss it. I have begun to recognise the look on her face it is a different space for her to hold.
There is no noise, there is no movement but I know when she is providing healing she is moving mountains deep within people.
So yes I do believe that regardless of what is happening for you in your life Equine Assisted Learning can help you.
Here are the top 5 ways to boost your emotional intelligence in order to find success. If you want to succeed in both your professional and personal life, there are a broad range of skills that can help. However, the emerging research is emotional intelligence is the most important skill you need to develop. Your vision and fresh and creative ideas are critical aspects of success. Leadership requires a number of human skills as well as technical skills for success.
Great leaders make themselves and their personal improvement a lifelong project. They actively seek out learning. They also seek out people who will tell them the truth about how they come across to others. In addition, tell them areas where they can make improvements. They look for organizations that will accommodate them or spend money on a coach who will provide them with honest feedback. Great leaders recognize that they are a work in progress and are always looking for ways to improve.
Develop Your Listening Skills
Good leaders are always aware of how essential listening skills are for success. They recognize that everyone has the desire to be heard. Not only do you receive more crucial information when you develop your listening skills, but you are better able to connect with others by picking up meanings and messages through nonverbal cues.
Show a Genuine Interest in Others
Not only do emotionally intelligent people learn the names of everyone that works at their company, but they also make it a point to find out as much about others as possible. They strive to find out what matters to them, whether it is their family, special interests, or hobbies. Showing a personal interest in those around you show others that they are valued as people, rather than just cogs in the machine.
Develop Your Ability to Manage Emotions
Developing your ability to manage not only yours but others’ emotions is an important skill to have. Leaders that possess high emotional intelligence can process information and respond only after they’ve thought about the situation. Emotionally intelligent people can pick up the underlying feelings behind the words spoken.
Develop a Strong Sense of Appreciation
Great leaders, with high emotional intelligence, are always appreciative and aware that they have others to thank for them to where they are. One way you can develop more gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you are grateful for every day. It helps to maintain a positive attitude and their motivation high throughout the day.
High emotional intelligence is an essential aspect of success. Incorporate these five tips into your life and you can help boost your emotional intelligence.
Living in a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, can have the sad result of us losing ourselves while trying to be more like everyone we see on social media. We find ourselves judging ourselves and others.
In order to live your purpose in life and to be authentically you the first step is to understand who you are. This requires you to be vulnerable and aware of – your weaknesses, your strengths, your beliefs, your goals, your personality, your motivations, and your morals.
These are all the traits that make you who are you and how you respond to the world. Once you understand what you are made of and you have to realize that all of those aspects are capable of changes and improvement.
In this guide, we’ll give you tips on how you can ultimately increase your self-awareness for the greater purpose of becoming the best version of yourself. Self-awareness is one of the key factors in improving your emotional intelligence.
Attracting Awareness
It’s easier said than done, we know! But it all starts with a suggestion to your brain, which can then get it through its filter and allow it to have an impact on how you feel, think and experience.
Let’s have a look at the 4 things you can do to become more self-aware!
1. Get To Know You
Have you ever sat down with yourself and asked the question: “Who am I?”
And more importantly… Would you be able to answer that question if it was asked of you?
The first step in building a healthy awareness of yourself is to understand who you truly are when you look at yourself objectively.
This step is easier if you think about yourself from an outsider perspective. Think about how people who know you well would answer. I find this is the easiest place to start. How would your best friend describe you? How would your family describe you and then you can start to dig a little deeper. Then you can think about your own perceptions of yourself if you were to look at yourself objectively.
During this process, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but rather look at yourself as an individual without comparisons while looking at your accomplishments, interests, beliefs, and personality.
Granted, though, you will never be able to map out your entirety on a piece of paper, but you can get to know the most frequently occurring patterns you have, that make the most of your life.
2. Journaling
One of the best ways to keep track of your daily emotions, reactions, and feelings is to keep a journal in which you write down those things.
It’s amazing how putting pen to paper can really put things into perspective;
Writing down your feelings, thoughts, failures and successes of the day will give you a fresh view of how you deal with things.
Journaling is a means of self-reflection to not only see your strengths, but also your weaknesses as it gives you the objective perspective to change bad reactions in the future.
Recording your daily way of acting and reacting will also help you clear your mind and open up space for positive energy.
During our daily lives we can become quite robotic as if we are on autopilot just cruising through our schedules and before we know it, weeks and months have flown by.
To savour every moment of the day, we have to be more mindful of what we do, this means being aware of good and bad habits while enforcing better habits more.
Trying to keep up with a fast-paced world can keep us from enjoying small pleasures like breathing in fresh air or simply going for a stroll around the neighbourhood.
Which tasks during your day give you a sense of serenity, calmness, and happiness?
Is it washing the dishes, meditating, cooking, or exercising?
Ensure that you do these kinds of activities more!
4. Ask For Feedback
Even though it might be a bit scary, it’s important to know what our friends, family, and even colleagues think about us and our behaviour.
Ask those closest to you to give an honest and open, but critical and objective, description of who they see you as, to give you a better idea of what people truly think of you.
Honest feedback from people around us will give us a better idea of who we are and how our behaviour affects our everyday lives.
Obviously, it’s important that you remain open-minded and non-offensive during an honest feedback session from a friend, listening with an open heart might help you recognize something within yourself you never knew was there.
In the end to be more self-aware, switch off your devices and go inward to discover the true you.
Once you make contact with the authentic person inside, you are well on your way to improve relationships around you and your emotional intelligence. You’ll in fact exit the main sequence of emotional and behavioural patterns, opening room for more, new experiences and things.
I am so incredibly grateful that I found out how my ponies can change lives, its in these life changing moments that I see how easy it can be. I have had the opportunity to work with senior leaders, women and vulnerable young people. Regardless of their story, simply, how life changing this can be. I have had such powerful conversations that I just don’t know where or how else you can do that. After meeting someone for 5 mins you can then have life changing conversations. One such moment was talking with a young man with autism and behavioral issues, he decided rather than being violent when you are frustrated try talking calmly. My horse showed him the way. It was an aha moment for him. Which then led to another conversation about how to have respect for his family and belongings.
An incredibly shy young woman about how to engage with people and make new friends. A senior leader learning how to breath and stay calm under highly stressful situations. A young woman learning how to hold herself to be confident and assertive without dominance in difficult situations.
I realise that these are just small moments in a life time but they are profound. It just melts my heart.
It doesn’t matter your story or where you are this works.
