7 Strategies to Turn Failure into Success

7 Strategies to Turn Failure into Success

by | Jun 25, 2021 | Blog, Life Lessons

7 Strategies to Turn Failure into Success

Turning your failure into success is something that successful people do and yet failure hurts.

You may have read all the self-help books and the autobiographies of men like Abraham Lincoln who failed all their lives and finally succeeded.  It all seems so positive and feel good until you actually fail. One of Mike Tyson’s most famous quotes is, “Everybody has a plan until they get punched in the mouth.” There’s just no denying that failure is a bitter pill to swallow.  It doesn’t matter how many times you fail, you’ll still feel that twinge of disappointment, shame, frustration or anger when your best attempts to succeed fail.  I have failed too many times to mention.  I try new things a lot and not all of them turn out great.  Some of them are just ugly hot sweaty messes that I would rather sweep under the carpet and not let anyone see them.

Usually, the most successful people, are not the ones who do not fail they are often the ones who are better at coping with failure. The reason for this is that they fail more than most people but they just never give up.  To be you and to innovate you will need to “fail your way to success”.  Or  simply “fail fast and fail forward”.

It also means that successful people do more, where someone else may quit the moment failure knocks on their door.  There are many ways to cope with failure but it still going to hurt when you fail.

Sometimes it may feel like the only thing you ever learn from a failure is that you failed.  While this is not true, it certainly may seem that way in the moment.  We are all human with egos and no one likes to fail, you feel like you have wasted your time or money.  In a social media world we like to portray that everything is perfect.  It is simply not true.   You could have worked hard and have a business venture that collapsed.  Or maybe your relationship with your spouse crumbles and is beyond repair.  Maybe your health takes a turn for the worse despite living a healthy lifestyle.  All these are events.

Understanding this, is the key point that makes all the difference, failure is an event, not a person.  Like they say, never let success get to your head and never let failure get to your heart. It will hurt, and chances are you will need to grieve for what you have lost.  Even if it is for the future you imagined.  Everyone, shares this experience we all fail!

Watch a baby trying to walk.  If they had an ego or were worried about what someone might think they would fall down once in front of everyone and not get back up.  But it is their failures that teach them how to walk.  They experiment.

In life you will fail and there will be disappointment, but when you learn to embrace failure as a learning experience like a toddler you can use this experience to move forward.  Success is not final and failure is not fatal.  As long as you’re breathing you still can turn your failures into successes.

Here are the 7 secrets that successful people use failure into success

Different people do it differently but, they understand failure is always temporary.  Failure is not the opposite of success.  It is part of success.  Now let’s look at how you can cope with it when it comes your way… and you can rest assured that it will. So be prepared.

Don’t take it personally

The blame game. This is the biggest mistake that most people make. They blame themselves when things go wrong. Or they blame other people. When you do not separate a failure from you, then your self-esteem will drop and you’ll be much more tempted to quit. Don’t look for the who, look for the why or how so you can learn.  If you are quick to blame others they often don’t want to help to be part of the solution either.

People quit on their dreams because they don’t believe that they’re capable of achieving what their hearts desire.  They feel that it’s too hard and the reason they feel that way is because they may have failed. For example, when someone is trying to lose weight and watching their diet closely, there will be times when they give in to temptation and eat something they shouldn’t. When this happens, they feel guilt and regret that they failed at maintaining their diet.

What do they do then? They toss their diet aside and gorge themselves on food that they’re not supposed to. They believe that they lack the self-discipline to stay focused and lose weight… Just because of one temporary lapse in judgment. This is ridiculous and it’s like accidentally dropping your mobile phone once only to pick it up and keep smashing it on the ground over and over because of one accident. It doesn’t make sense… and yet people act in a similar way.

When you fail at something, whether it’s a blog or your marriage, do not assume that you’re useless and just throw in the towel.  What defines you is how well you rise after falling.  So the most important point to note is that you should not let failure define you as a person. Always know that you can do better.

Learn From Your Mistakes – Failure is Simply Feedback

All the most successful people have learned from their mistakes and try not to repeat them. Failure can also be treated as feedback.  If some aspect of your business, job or relationship fails, ask yourself why this happened.  My husband has a beautiful saying you can stay married or you can be right you cant be both.  Someone has to be vulnerable in a relationship, better if it is shared and you learn to compromise.

If your new dream was a product and the launch was a flop, there must be a reason why. Was your niche unprofitable? Did the sales page convert poorly? Not the right marketing or could be the wrong audience.   Ever been fired from a job?  I have, I learned fast and hard from that experience.  I understood the impact of no sleep and chaos at home, I simply couldn’t function properly.  They had every right to fire me.

Analysis is very important so that you do not repeat the same errors.  This is the only way to make progress and succeed.  Michael Eisner, the Chairman and CEO of the Disney Corporation said, “Failure is good as long as it doesn’t become a habit.”

The only way to prevent failure from becoming a habit is to take stock of your situation, learn from your mistakes and adapt.  If you can see it as a learning experience.  The question I ask myself is “what is the universe trying to teach me?” If I end up in a similar situation I add the second piece “hurry-up and learn the lesson because what you learned the last time was the wrong lesson look again”

I try to maintain a certain degree of detachment so that it is a lesson not a personal affront.  The “why me?” question doesn’t help.  Sometimes it is a good idea to take a break for a short while and come back to it when you’re feeling better.

Stop Dwelling On Your Failures

You may have noticed that all some people can talk about is how life has treated them so badly.  No matter what they do, they fail at it due to bad luck or unforeseen circumstances. We have all seen people are who are comfortable in the space where they are the constant victim. Life happens to them.  They appear to have no control.  When bad things happen they loose all sense of coping too.  Do not dwell on your failures.  Where as some people go through the most tragic circumstances and achieve something remarkable from it.  It is their post traumatic growth.

Analyze them and move on. You have better things in store for you. Missed out on an opportunity? No worries. Better ones are coming your way. Product launch flopped? That’s ok the next one will sell thousands. Picked the wrong niche to monetize? No big deal. You now know how to find niches with people waiting to buy stuff. Problem solved.

It is inevitable to lose time, effort and money when something fails. If you keep focusing on what is lost, you’ll never be able to focus on what you can gain and there is so much more out there for you.
Focus on the positive and bury your failures.

Model Others

There’s a saying that you should always learn from the mistakes of others because you’ll never live long enough to make them all yourself.  If you want to achieve something find people who have already done and it and seek some wisdom.  I will not ask marriage advice from someone who has been divorced 3 times.  But I will when I see a couple who have been married for 50 years.  I can guarantee that they have learned a lot along the way and not all it was easy.

If you want to learn a new skill or a new business venture watch the people who are already doing it, take a lesson or get some coaching.  Find a way to get to know others in the field who have already failed and succeeded.  Be a beginner and seek help.

There are costs

One of the biggest concerns to building a dream is the loss of money.  Creating a business or a goal costs time and money.  Sometimes we need to trade off one or the other often both.  If you don’t have the time what can you outsource and pay someone to do?  Is it someone to clean the house, or walk the dog,  so you can focus on marketing your new side hustle?  Is it getting the expertise you need to coach you through.  Or can you put the time into to learn new skills.  Chasing dreams costs time and money and you need to understand that there is a sacrifice.  Whether that is to your family time when you are putting together budgets and business plans. Or simply needing money to create cashflow for your new venture.

Creating a product costs money. Testing out ads costs money. Outsourcing costs money. There is no getting away from this. In fact, to run any business you need money. It’s like oxygen for your business and without it, your business will shrivel up and die. So, it’s crucial that you have a source of income coming in to tide you over if any online endeavor fails.

When the business fails and the bills start piling up you just may need to get another job to get back on your feet. Do not feel like you have failed and are doomed to a life of ‘working for the man.’ This is just a temporary setback and like Joel Osteen, always says, “A setback is a set up for a comeback.”

Go ahead and take that job. It will feel like retrogression but you must understand that even a tiger crouches before it leaps. Once you have money coming in, the pressure that your finances are causing you will ease.  That’s really how it is. Sometimes you just don’t have a choice.

Do not throw your efforts down the drain and quit just because you failed a couple of times. As long as you keep learning and doing, success is inevitable.

Release the Need for Approval from Others

I have seen this fear literally stop people from even trying to do things that they love as they are worried about what others might think.   This can destroy your dreams and what you were put on this earth to do if you let it.  It is a common fear and makes failure seem much worse than it really is.  People often worry what others will think or say about them when they fail.  It’s definitely true that you’ll have friends and family members who will tell you, “I told you so!” when you fail.  Some of them may even take pleasure in it. This is human nature. It could even be your spouse or parents who don’t support your dreams.

When you fail and see their disapproving looks or hear their sarcastic words, it can seem worse.The truth of the matter is that you only have one life to live and you need to live it for yourself. It doesn’t matter what others say or think about you. Just because others think you’re dumb for failing doesn’t mean that you’re really foolish.

How people see you should have zero impact on how you see yourself. Have faith in yourself and don’t pay heed to the naysayers.

Take a Break

Time heals all wounds. Sometimes when failure really gets to you, it may be time to take a break and put some space between you and your dreams. This will help to clear your mind so that you can think objectively. While taking a break, you can self-reflect and think about your future plans. You may decide to have backup plans to correct any future failures or problems that may crop up.

Take the time to exercise. Research has shown that hard training like boxing, Crossfit, sprinting, etc. help people to release pent up frustration and anger.  Go for walk, spend time outside and ground yourself.  This can be therapeutic when coping with failure.  Instead of numbing your emotions, with alcohol, food or something else.  Exercise and therapy can help. Do what suits you best.

What is most important is that you not let failure make you quit. That is the most common consequence of failure. People fail a few times and they quit. If you read the story of Colonel Sanders, you’d realise that he was turned down 1,009 times before he finally found someone who would use his recipe. Walt Disney was turned down over 300 times before he received financing for Disney World.  Your dream could be one more attempt away.

5 Reasons Why Emotional Intelligence Is a Future Skill

5 Reasons Why Emotional Intelligence Is a Future Skill

by | Mar 21, 2021 | Blog, emotional intelligence, Leadership

According to Ryan Jenkins, Human emotion is one of the most powerful forces on the planet. How is emotional intelligence a future skill.

Emotions start wars and create peace; spark love and force a divorce. While unavoidable, emotions are also indispensable sources of orientation and propel us to take action. But unbridled emotion can make us and those around us to act irrationally.

Emotional intelligence is a relatively new, but started to become mainstream with Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.

Emotional intelligence is simply put the ability to control your emotions and others in the present moment.  It sounds simple but has a number of key factors.  According to Daniel Goleman,

  • Self-awareness.
  • Self-regulation.
  • Motivation.
  • Empathy.
  • Social skills.

The business case for emotional intelligence

According to Google’s famous Project Aristotle initiative, a high-performing team needs three things: 1) a strong awareness of the importance of social connections or “social sensitivity,” 2) an environment where each person speaks equally, and 3) psychological safety where everyone feels safe to show and employ themselves without fear of negative consequences. To harness these three elements of a successful team, it takes an emotionally intelligent leader.

People feel cared for when these three items are present in a team or organization. People that feel cared for are more loyal, engaged, and productive.

In fact, employees who feel cared for by their organization are…

  • 10 times more likely to recommend their company as a great place to work.
  • 9 times more likely to stay at their company for three or more years.
  • 7 times more likely to feel included at work.
  • 4 times less likely to suffer from stress and burnout.
  • 2 times as likely to be engaged at work.

1. Deep human needs

The three core human needs of work (and life) are to survive, belong and become. Much like Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs, once humans fulfill the need of food, water and shelter they will then seek to be accepted for who they are, and then finally to learn and grow to become their best selves.

The workplace is filling parts of our deep human needs.

2. Technology will enhance humanity

The Industrial Revolution required strong workers. The Information Age required knowledgeable workers. The future age of work will require emotionally intelligent workers.

As the world fills with more sophisticated technology such as artificial intelligence and 5G, human skills like compassion and empathy will define the competitive edge of workers and entire organizations.

In addition, as the world becomes more high-tech, there will be a desire and opportunity for more high-touch. As technology advances, it will take on a lot of the work that humans aren’t good at, don’t like, or too dangerous. This will leave us with more time and capacity to show up emotionally for each other.

3. Work and life blending

Not only are emotions finding their way into work, but workers want it more. A pervasive myth exists that emotions don’t belong at work.  As the boundaries blur we want to be able to bring our whole selves into the workplace and this is inevitably messy.

4. Evolving employer-employee relationship

In the past, the employer-employee relationship was very transactional. But in today’s always-on work culture, the boundaries of the employee-employer relationship are expanding.

As employees seek more from their employers, moving from employing to empowering will serve employers well.

5. Generation Z demands it

Companies are struggling to adapt to the evolving emotional needs of their workforce. This is especially true among the emerging generations as 18-to-25-year-olds have the highest prevalence of serious mental illness compared to other age groups, according to the National Institute of Mental Health. Additionally, Gen Z is the loneliest generation in the workplace with 73 percent reporting sometimes or always feeling alone.

It’s not surprising then that more than any other generation, Gen Z wants their managers to be empathetic, according to The Center for Generational Kinetics’ 2020 study, Solving the Remote Work Challenge Across Generations.

 

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

Emotional Intelligence in the Workplace

by | Mar 20, 2021 | Blog, emotional intelligence, Leadership

Emotional Intelligence in the workplace separates high performers from the average employees.  This is something gaining popularity as leaders become aware of the role emotional intelligence plays in the workplace.

As employees why does emotional intelligence matter and what is it?

(four corner formula) There are 5 key components of emotional intelligence in the workplace:

Self-awareness; is an understanding of how you are feeling at any moment in time. It is also understanding how your behaviour impacts others.

Motivation – An effective self-motivation requires you to have a positive attitude towards goals across the organisation.

Self-regulation – Processing our own emotions effectively means we have the ability to read the situation effectively.   Our response is only possible when we can self-regulate.   We need to work to commit ourselves to the goals of the organization with integrity.

Social skills – are critical in a workplace the ability to build teams, forge change, and manage the conflict are important.

Empathy – Empathy is the ability to place oneself in the shoes of another. Managers need insight into how their decisions and behavior will impact their subordinates, peers, and superiors.

Emotional intelligence is a set of skills and behaviors that can be learned and developed.

According to Harvard there are some telltale signs of people with low Emotional Intelligence and those with high Emotional Intelligence.

People with low Emotional Intelligence:

  • Often feels misunderstood
  • Get upset easily
  • Become overwhelmed by emotions
  • Have problems being assertive

People with high Emotional Intelligence:

  • Understand the links between their emotions and how they behave
  • Remain calm and composed during stressful situations
  • Are able to influence others toward a common goal
  • Handle difficult people with tact and diplomacy

When staff lacks emotional intelligence they can be extraordinarily damaging to the culture.

The good news is that we can improve our emotional intelligence it is a skill that we can learn. We can improve on skills that improve knowledge of how others and we feel. We can also learn to harness our emotions in a way that meets the needs of our organisation.

At the individual level, exercises such as meditation, psychotherapy, coaching, and eliciting feedback from peers can provide meaningful insight into our own emotional landscape.

Within organisations, team-building exercises, corporate retreats, staff support groups, and training can pay handsome dividends for both collective and individual employee emotional health.  In addition, you need to recognise and call out the behaviour.

Emotional Intelligence Workshops

Leading Together runs emotional intelligence workshops. Engage your leadership potential to improve your self-awareness, self-management, empathy, social awareness, and motivation. Horses are very aware of how you are feeling in the moment and can help you find a powerful way to experience emotional intelligence. The workshops are conducted in a relaxed environment with a horse trainer and leadership coach. They run for a couple of hours depending on the people attending and you will come away with a deeper understanding of yourself.

When creating connections with horses and people beautiful things happen.

Building emotional intelligence in yourself is one thing, but building a culture of emotional intelligence in the workplace can be a challenge.  Our leaders must learn it first and model that behaviour.  Changing behaviours doesn’t have to be complex.  Leading Together uses horses to shortcut the learnings in team workshops.  By scheduling team workshop sessions over 5 weeks you can radically change your workplace culture.

Message us for more information 

Working With Horses Improves Wellness

Working With Horses Improves Wellness

by | Dec 21, 2020 | Blog, Equine Assisted, Life Lessons

Working with my horses improves my own personal wellness.  I have known for a while that horses have something very magical to offer. I often feel so much better after spending time with my horses.  It is hard to articulate the magic.  I can be tired, sick or just blah, and after spending time with my horses I have more energy and I am so much happier.  Even my patient and adoring husband will send me down to ride if I am getting a little grumpy. When I was recently reading an article talking about the power and efficacy of equine assisted therapy.  I realised there is a growing body of evidence and science behind it. It’s not just me! Horses have unique traits that mean that they are perfect choice for animal assisted therapies.

Wellness

  • Working on trust, learning to trust a horse might be the first step in healing trauma. It is powerful and restorative especially for those who trusting others is an issue.
  • Mindfulness is probably the biggest shift because horses are very sensitive they will easily reflect feelings and people often experience is as a biofeedback loop. Making it easier to understand their own emotional state.
  • When in a non-competitive, non-judgemental environment learning new skills and new challenges horses will assist with improving self-esteem and Leadership.
  • Behavioural modification or self-regulation because in order to communicate with a horse you need to find your calm nonreactive state.
  • Experiencing challenges with horses empowers individuals and creates self-motivation and positive experiences.
  • Relationship Management where the experience of developing acceptance and communication with a horse where you need to actively listen to them. Once they feel seen and heard they will respond. The basis of healthy relationships. Learning how to influence others.
  • Learning to communicate across language (and species) barriers especially with something as large as a horse, promotes intuition. Improves all your nonverbal communication and understanding of how much you can communicate with intent and body language.
  • Team work and social skills in a group dynamic leadership and team work are critical pieces.
  • Intention and personal assertiveness alongside our own boundaries.
  • I have seen firsthand anxiety reduction, and decrease in depression and isolation, horses don’t judge and unconditional acceptance.

These are all incredible life skills and skills that are being well researched in the equine assisted learning fields. I have known that these animals were amazing and magical but I continue to learn.

Therapeutic Value

Their therapeutic value is so undervalued. Trauma therapists are starting to realise their value too. As talking therapy in trauma related counselling can get someone to experience their trauma. This can slow down healing process. Some are turning to animal assisted therapies to use nonverbal experiences to process and externalise. This then allows individuals to move through to healing. Horses have been used to help anxiety, depression, ADHD, conduct disorders, addiction, dementia, returning veterans, PTSD, and other mental health difficulties. Even used for physical therapies.

Leadership and Emotional Intelligence

I obviously realise my horses are magical, but it is more than magic there is science. The real magic happens when you understand how to read a horse and what they are trying to communicate with you, your world shifts. You feel more connected and get a greater insight into yourself. Having managed people for over 20 years I really appreciate how important these life skills are. Horses can transfer these skills to people and we are now just starting to figure this out. All of these life skills are part of my emotional intelligence and leadership sessions (not just therapy) so it makes sense that we should learn to be a better person from a horse.

Respect for leadership is radically shifting

Respect for leadership is radically shifting

by | Oct 24, 2020 | Blog, Leadership, Life Lessons

Respect for leadership is radically shifting

My experience growing up was children were “to been seen and not heard.”  We were taught to respect our elders. Authority was something to be revered and definitely not questioned. When you are bought up in a house where parenting technics consisted of phrases like “because I said so” and “do as I say not as I do”. I understood the wooden spoon was a real threat. You genuinely believe that anyone who has authority is something or someone to fear.  Principals and teachers were still allowed to give you the cane. In growing up in this era physical punishment is a legitimate tool and in some cases the only tool. You believe that hierarchical structures are the real authority.  Teachers all had Mr or Mrs no one had a first name and friends of the family were Aunts and Uncles.  Positions of power demanded respect regardless of their behaviours. So when my title stated that I was a manager I wholeheartedly believed that I needed to be respected because I had a position title. I thought management was something that should be feared. I reflect now on how much times have changed.

Respect for leadership is now earned

We now expect leaders to be questioned about their decisions. Leaders are held to a higher moral standard because they are a leader.  Workplaces are now being asked to do more for staff than simply provide a paycheque.  It is an environment where employees are asking more about leadership than ever before.

So it’s no wonder that “75% of careers are derailed for reasons related to emotional competencies, including the inability to handle interpersonal problems; unsatisfactory team leadership during times of difficulty or conflict; or inability to adapt to change or elicit trust”.  -Center for Creative

As the world continues to go through yet another crisis we need to support people in leadership to develop their emotional competencies.  Poor leadership can do more than increase staff turnover or poor productivity.  You can have a lasting impact on someone’s life. So as we learn more and know better we need to do better.  Invest in your leaders and emerging leaders to understand how to be effective people managers.  As leaders develop their own authentic people skills their respect for leadership changes as well. The more you develop your skills in emotional intelligence, it can change your workplace, your culture, but also other important relationships around you.