Have you ever experienced a sound or smell that transports you to a different time and place in your life? Well, that moment happened to me today.
I have horses with colds at the moment. I don’t know how, but one of them got a cold and now they all have it. It feels a little bit like when your child brings home those disgusting germs from school or daycare and then spreads to everyone.
So I am mixing up my horse feeds with every supplement that could possibly make them better at dinner time. No one is really enjoying the “fancy and expensive stuff” in their food and not eating it.
Ahh. But I have a solution molasses! Horses love it and it disguises all the yucky stuff.
Well, this is when I was immediately transported to a different time and place in my life. I opened the tin of molasses and the smell made my grandmother appear right with me, to a time and a place when I was a very young girl bringing back to life such fond memories.
I am about 6 years old standing in her small country kitchen. She was telling me I needed to have a teaspoon of molasses because it was good for me. My grandmother used to swear by it. Everyone, man and beast would be given molasses regardless of whether they needed it or not.
The smell made me smile and reminds me of a time place and moment that was special to me.
My grandmother passed away earlier this year and this smell reminded me of the power of those small moments that make life so memorable.
I wonder if this has happened to you? Remember your loved ones will remember those small mundane moments just as much as big grand gestures. It’s reminded me to create a memory worth remembering.
My recent learning experiences have all highlighted the power and importance of the pause. It feels like a lesson I’m still trying to figure out. When you think about it, a pause is so important it is everywhere.
Recently I was at a conference, listening to some incredible speakers. I was learning more about horses and equine-assisted learning. One of the speakers was talking about the power of taking time off. She was using the example of her own small business and simply shutting it for a year. The thought seemed horrifying to me until I really started to listen and reflect. With the power of the pause, it is OK to stop and pause, because often in the silence is when the magic happens.
Ever had your best ideas at 2 am in the morning or in the shower when you are simply not thinking about anything else. It is in the still moments when our creativity happens.
COVID Pause
Fit your own oxygen mask
For me one of those moments was in the exhaustion. In the first wave of COVID, I got a chance to stop and think and really look for answers. One of the questions I continued to grapple with is what can I learn from this experience. If this was a life lesson I wanted to make sure I got from it what I could. The message was “fit your own oxygen mask first”.
This analogy was given to me at a leadership forum. It resonated with me as I was flying a lot at the time so visually and emotionally I understood it. We were talking about how as leaders in our own organisations we needed to be at our best so that we can support our teams. You cannot lead others if you are stressed out and not coping. You simply don’t make great decisions and have nothing left in the tank for everyone else. So take some time to do the things that make you stronger and fill your cup.
The rest and regeneration are essential, you need to be the one steering the ship. Now is not the time to do more, but, to be more present.
The Power of Pause in Horse Training
Sitting around doing nothing is the most important thing to do when you are training a horse. Horses learn in the pause. It’s called soaking. You can understand for a woman who is always on the go and trying to fit one more thing in my day, this concept has taken me years to get my head around.
My horse riding used to be on a schedule. Generally, I had 40 minutes before the sun sets and I have to run through a dressage test because I have a competition coming up. So for my poor horse, he just had to run through the movements, because practice makes perfect, right. This only satisfies one member of the team. It’s a lot how I explain the difference between management and leadership. I would give the instructions and my horse just needed to follow the instructions. If he got it wrong or got it right we would do it again.
horse training
In horse language, we were writing lines but he just wasn’t sure what he had done that he needed to write the lines.
For a horse, when they get something right the pressure needs to come off. The question was answered and so they understand they have done a good job they get to rest. You do this a few times and suddenly you are training your horse to try harder.
Their reward is in the pause. It is how they process what they learnt and how they know they got it right. If you don’t allow a horse to pause and “soak” they get frustrated and confused. You create behavioural problems. The power of the pause builds their confidence.
It is the same with people. If you don’t stop and recognise when they do something great they stop trying. Even worse when you continue to ask the same question and point out their mistakes soon they become disengaged or even develop mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Pause in Public speaking
The Presentation Guru has a great article on the power of the pause in public speaking. You should pause before you start talking and command the attention of the room. Have you ever been to a talk and someone simply stands at the lectern and somehow the room starts to get quiet? Those that keep talking get hushed by others. That comes from the power of the pause. When you make a point in speaking then pause people have time to reflect on what you said and it emphasises that point.
Great orators defiantely know the power of the pause.
Music
The pause in music
“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
A Moment in Argument
Have you ever taken just a moment of pause in a heated discussion? The short moment to pause and breathe allows your brain a moment to respond and not react. If you have children this is a powerful tool! No parent hasn’t had a moment where they have lost their rational thought process with their child.
In a moment of frustration, we all want to be able to replay that moment and do it differently. But if you can practise a pause and a breath you can “not sweat the small stuff”. Their room is a mess and they haven’t done the dishes as you asked them a million times already. Rather than lose your cool a pause may help you reframe the conversation and save your relationship. A simple pause can some of the most important relationships in our lives and stop us from saying something we can’t take back.
Negotiations
The pause in a complex discussion also allows you to hear and to really listen. One of my early bosses who was teaching about sales and negotiation used the phrase “he who speaks first loses” you need to get comfortable in the silence.
Stop Revive Survive
This was a national driving campaign encouraging drivers to take a break every 2 hours. Driving tired is equivalent to driving under the influence of alcohol. So if you shouldn’t trust your tired self behind the wheel of the car what else is your tired self in charge of that could be dangerous. The fatality rate of fatigue when driving is one of the 3 big killers on our roads. So, there are times where your life depends on the pause.
The Pause in Meditation
When meditating you are literally trying to find the silence and the pause. There is a lot of research about the health benefits of meditation and the power of that pause.
The research from Harvard explained the power of meditation in reducing stress in your nervous system.
There are two parts to our nervous system: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. These two parts perform different functions and each is important. The sympathetic nervous system prepares our body to react to stress (“fight or flight”) and the parasympathetic helps us recover from stress (“rest and digest”).
So when we are stressed or come into a stressful situation we need our body to release chemicals that temporarily improve performance. In some instances, these chemicals produce a high and allow us to perform at our peak. Cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones increase heart rate, slow digestion, and increase blood pressure, all to allow greater blood flow to our muscles, heart, and brain to be able to think or act quickly. But we also need to switch off this response and put our body into the rest and digest mode.
Meditation allows our parasympathetic nervous system to engage and for us to recover. Meditation retreats are silent for days to not only rest your body and mind. They give you patience and clarity.
The Power of Prayer
Even the regular act of silence and prayer can physically change your brain. Neurological studies have shown that it changes the frontal lobe. In addition, there is also evidence that those who regularly use prayer to a loving God rather than a punitive God also reduces their anxiety, depression, and stress and increases feelings of security, compassion, and love.
When we are overstimulated we lose our creativity. We lose our energy and we lose ourselves. We need to learn to celebrate the pause, rather than the hustle. By fitting more in a day we are less effective, we have somewhere learned to wear with pride being busy. Try doing more by stopping and feel the power of the pause.
Why are some people happy all of the time? The happiest people have habits that raise the odds of feeling happy. Unhappy people have habits that result in less desirable feelings. It can be that simple. If you’re not as happy as you’d like, take a look at your habits.
Those that are happy share many qualities. Adopting these same qualities will yield positive results.
Habits that lead to happiness are enjoyable to implement:
Obviously, if you believe good things will happen, it’s much more likely that you’ll be happy. Expecting the worst does nothing to improve your mood! Realistically, it’s not even important to expect a positive outcome, only to believe that everything will be okay.
Optimism is also a form of belief in yourself. If you believe that you can handle any outcome, you can be optimistic and have the mental freedom to be happy.
Doing things for others provides multiple benefits. You can see firsthand that you have a lot to be grateful for. You can feel good about yourself for assisting others. You have a good reason to get out of the house. You also feel useful.
Make a list of at least three ways you can help others that will also fit into your schedule.
Do you realize how many great things and people you already have in your life? By maintaining focus on the things you don’t have, you’re making yourself unhappy. Experiencing gratitude helps to create feelings of happiness.
An exciting future.Maximum happiness requires that you have something to look forward to. It can be graduating from college, having a baby, retirement, a vacation, or a hot date on Saturday night. Have a few goals that give you a reason to be excited. Have goals that are both short-term and long-term.
Spend some time doing things that you’re good at. It feels good to do well at something. It doesn’t have to be a competitive event. You can hit golf balls at the range or play the guitar and feel great about yourself.
Make of list of the things you excel at and try to spend at least a little time each day doing one of them.
It’s impossible to avoid challenging times. Sooner or later, something will happen that threatens your progress, success, or happiness. Resilience is the ability to continue forging ahead. Some people have a knack for making obstacles seem bigger than they really are. Others are able to maintain their composure and continue making progress.
Reasonable expectations.When your expectations are overly optimistic, you’ll routinely experience disappointment. When your expectations are consistently low, you won’t feel very optimistic. Neither is a recipe for happiness.
How can you be happy while holding a grudge? Forgiving others quickly and easily make happiness possible. You might feel that some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but what is the alternative? Making yourself unhappy.
Spending your time pretending to be something you’re not is a challenge to your self-esteem. Happiness is allusive if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself. Allow your uniqueness to show.
Thinking about the past leads to regret. Thoughts of the future lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness on a regular basis.
There’s nothing complicated about happiness. Forgive others, be yourself, give of yourself, and be grateful for the things and people you already have. Having an effective set of habits will result in feeling more happiness.
Leadership is something that we are all called upon to provide at some point. One of the most common examples given is the parent-as-leader. If you are a parent, then you are required to provide guidance, teach, support, provide structure, and discipline for your children. We all know that there will be times when you must inspire your children to be the greatest versions of themselves. But there will also be times when you need to provide strict and stern instructions that could save their lives! I would argue that being a parent is the hardest leadership skill to learn in your whole life as it is a title you have 24hours a day seven days a week.
An influential leader will know how to listen and make the child feel heard, while at the same time giving them the space and the protection they need to grow.
We all think leadership is a topic that will typically interest businesses, managers, and CEOs. That is certainly very true that these are people who should try to understand what makes a good leader, but I think everyone should.
When your leadership skill could end up being a superpower. Imagine there is a crisis. Imagine that you’re in a public space when suddenly the place collapses. You are trapped beneath the rubble and everyone is panicking. This panic means people are trampling one another. You all need to work together in order to get help. This can only happen if a leader emerges in this crisis. In this situation your leadership skills are a superpower and you can be the one that everyone needs to step up and step forward in that moment. In this situation, the person who rises to become the leader will be the person who is the most informed, and the person who is the most confident. Imagine this situation if no one takes this position it is absolute chaos. Everyone is a capable of being this leader if the situation arises but you need to know how to step up in confidence.
Finally, leadership is something that can make your social life and even your dating life that much more enjoyable. In every relationship and certainly every group dynamic, there is a power structure. Being the leader means being the one who gets to call the shots, who decides the activity, and who takes responsibility. If you can be that person, then you’ll find it does wonders for every aspect of your life and career.
Being a great leader is not about yelling or controlling it is about nurturing, protecting, inspiring, guiding, and sacrificing. One of the most important skills for any influential leader to cultivate, is communication regardless of the role you playing. Your ability to write and speak will greatly impact on the way that people treat you, and the way that they respond to your instructions.
“I See You” a beautiful life lesson. It’s from the Avatar movie.
In the movie Avatar to greet someone with “I see you” was an expression of greeting with an open heart and an open mind to be in the present moment. I see you physically and spiritually.
When you really see someone, you see all of them. You see their love, you see their soul, you acknowledge them in their entirety. I wonder if in our crazy world if we started trying to greet people with “I see you” how different it would be.
When you find someone special in your life and they stop and look at you when they really see you. You know, you are being seen, you can feel it.
I am going to make an effort to stop, especially now, and really see people I know and love. Being really open in the moment to see who is in front of you.
How is their presence making you feel?
What do they look like? Are they well presented or look like they have just gotten out of bed?
How is their energy presenting at that moment? Are they calm or are they fidgeting?
Do they look or sound tired or excited?
Are they smiling but making you feel sad?
How is the tone in the voice?
How is their stance or their body language and what is that saying to you?
When you ask yourself questions about the person and the presence in front of you, your curiosity helps you.
Paying attention to all the details will help you be present and really be able to say “I see you”, a beautiful life lesson.
I wonder if you can spend a minute or two and say “I see you” to someone special and see what it feels like.
I dare you to try.
#emotionalintelligence #idareyou #iseeyou #beinthemoment
