My recent learning experiences have all highlighted the power and importance of the pause. It feels like a lesson I’m still trying to figure out. When you think about it, a pause is so important it is everywhere.
Recently I was at a conference, listening to some incredible speakers. I was learning more about horses and equine-assisted learning. One of the speakers was talking about the power of taking time off. She was using the example of her own small business and simply shutting it for a year. The thought seemed horrifying to me until I really started to listen and reflect. With the power of the pause, it is OK to stop and pause, because often in the silence is when the magic happens.
Ever had your best ideas at 2 am in the morning or in the shower when you are simply not thinking about anything else. It is in the still moments when our creativity happens.
COVID Pause
Fit your own oxygen mask
For me one of those moments was in the exhaustion. In the first wave of COVID, I got a chance to stop and think and really look for answers. One of the questions I continued to grapple with is what can I learn from this experience. If this was a life lesson I wanted to make sure I got from it what I could. The message was “fit your own oxygen mask first”.
This analogy was given to me at a leadership forum. It resonated with me as I was flying a lot at the time so visually and emotionally I understood it. We were talking about how as leaders in our own organisations we needed to be at our best so that we can support our teams. You cannot lead others if you are stressed out and not coping. You simply don’t make great decisions and have nothing left in the tank for everyone else. So take some time to do the things that make you stronger and fill your cup.
The rest and regeneration are essential, you need to be the one steering the ship. Now is not the time to do more, but, to be more present.
The Power of Pause in Horse Training
Sitting around doing nothing is the most important thing to do when you are training a horse. Horses learn in the pause. It’s called soaking. You can understand for a woman who is always on the go and trying to fit one more thing in my day, this concept has taken me years to get my head around.
My horse riding used to be on a schedule. Generally, I had 40 minutes before the sun sets and I have to run through a dressage test because I have a competition coming up. So for my poor horse, he just had to run through the movements, because practice makes perfect, right. This only satisfies one member of the team. It’s a lot how I explain the difference between management and leadership. I would give the instructions and my horse just needed to follow the instructions. If he got it wrong or got it right we would do it again.
horse training
In horse language, we were writing lines but he just wasn’t sure what he had done that he needed to write the lines.
For a horse, when they get something right the pressure needs to come off. The question was answered and so they understand they have done a good job they get to rest. You do this a few times and suddenly you are training your horse to try harder.
Their reward is in the pause. It is how they process what they learnt and how they know they got it right. If you don’t allow a horse to pause and “soak” they get frustrated and confused. You create behavioural problems. The power of the pause builds their confidence.
It is the same with people. If you don’t stop and recognise when they do something great they stop trying. Even worse when you continue to ask the same question and point out their mistakes soon they become disengaged or even develop mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Pause in Public speaking
The Presentation Guru has a great article on the power of the pause in public speaking. You should pause before you start talking and command the attention of the room. Have you ever been to a talk and someone simply stands at the lectern and somehow the room starts to get quiet? Those that keep talking get hushed by others. That comes from the power of the pause. When you make a point in speaking then pause people have time to reflect on what you said and it emphasises that point.
Great orators defiantely know the power of the pause.
Music
The pause in music
“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
A Moment in Argument
Have you ever taken just a moment of pause in a heated discussion? The short moment to pause and breathe allows your brain a moment to respond and not react. If you have children this is a powerful tool! No parent hasn’t had a moment where they have lost their rational thought process with their child.
In a moment of frustration, we all want to be able to replay that moment and do it differently. But if you can practise a pause and a breath you can “not sweat the small stuff”. Their room is a mess and they haven’t done the dishes as you asked them a million times already. Rather than lose your cool a pause may help you reframe the conversation and save your relationship. A simple pause can some of the most important relationships in our lives and stop us from saying something we can’t take back.
Negotiations
The pause in a complex discussion also allows you to hear and to really listen. One of my early bosses who was teaching about sales and negotiation used the phrase “he who speaks first loses” you need to get comfortable in the silence.
Stop Revive Survive
This was a national driving campaign encouraging drivers to take a break every 2 hours. Driving tired is equivalent to driving under the influence of alcohol. So if you shouldn’t trust your tired self behind the wheel of the car what else is your tired self in charge of that could be dangerous. The fatality rate of fatigue when driving is one of the 3 big killers on our roads. So, there are times where your life depends on the pause.
The Pause in Meditation
When meditating you are literally trying to find the silence and the pause. There is a lot of research about the health benefits of meditation and the power of that pause.
The research from Harvard explained the power of meditation in reducing stress in your nervous system.
There are two parts to our nervous system: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. These two parts perform different functions and each is important. The sympathetic nervous system prepares our body to react to stress (“fight or flight”) and the parasympathetic helps us recover from stress (“rest and digest”).
So when we are stressed or come into a stressful situation we need our body to release chemicals that temporarily improve performance. In some instances, these chemicals produce a high and allow us to perform at our peak. Cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones increase heart rate, slow digestion, and increase blood pressure, all to allow greater blood flow to our muscles, heart, and brain to be able to think or act quickly. But we also need to switch off this response and put our body into the rest and digest mode.
Meditation allows our parasympathetic nervous system to engage and for us to recover. Meditation retreats are silent for days to not only rest your body and mind. They give you patience and clarity.
The Power of Prayer
Even the regular act of silence and prayer can physically change your brain. Neurological studies have shown that it changes the frontal lobe. In addition, there is also evidence that those who regularly use prayer to a loving God rather than a punitive God also reduces their anxiety, depression, and stress and increases feelings of security, compassion, and love.
When we are overstimulated we lose our creativity. We lose our energy and we lose ourselves. We need to learn to celebrate the pause, rather than the hustle. By fitting more in a day we are less effective, we have somewhere learned to wear with pride being busy. Try doing more by stopping and feel the power of the pause.
I have been so inspired watching the olympics. My horse is not so thankful because now I believe I can ride so much better than I can. Poor pippi she is telling me I probably need some more coaching first.
But my inspiration comes from the stories behind the teams of the athletes.
Our current Olympic Equestrian team are providing so much inspiration. The equestrians are really conquering Tokyo Olympics and are providing so many firsts and triumphs. These riders and horses are showing us what is possible with the right intentions.
Age is not a Barrier
When you set goals, age is no barrier. I am so inspired by Andrew Hoy. Imagine reaching your goal at 62. Andrew Hoy is the oldest person to win a gold medal. I have watched him ride in my youth at the Olympics thinking I want to do that. He has competed in eight Olympic games, which is also an Australian Record.
“Our two children, Philippa and Oscar, they’re at home and the nanny’s looking after them. Philippa sent a message this morning. She turns four tomorrow and she sent a message saying, ‘Daddy well done, you rode really good yesterday and I want you to bring home another medal’. I can’t say I did it for Philippa because the passion comes from here (heart) with me.”
Woman and Men Are Equal.
Germany’s Julia Krajewski has entered the equestrian record books as the very first female athlete to win the Individual Olympic eventing gold medal. Its a sport were woman and men compete against each other equally! I cant think of another sport were we are not divided into gender.
The 32-year-old rider who is based in Warendorf, Germany has had a really tough year, beginning with the passing of her father and then having to retire her top horse Samurai du Thot after he had his eye removed because of a lingering infection. So she competed on a mare she calls Mandy.
“I really benefited form the trust I have in my horse. I tried to imagine I was at home under lights and I said, Mande, we are really going to rock it now. I was just so proud of my horse.
Being first female to win gold. I really didn’t know no female had never won gold because of all the great ladies in our sport. It’s about time and maybe quite fitting for the time we are in. Everything is possible. Everyone who has a dream or a passion should go for it. Nothing can hold you back if you have dream.“
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
A one eyed horse, Viscera, swiss ridden by an amazing riding Therese Viklund from (Sweden) competed at the Olympics eventing. I wouldn’t have thought possible this is an extraordinary feat. The course at Tokyo, was very challenging for top teams so to have a physical disability is simply incredible. Loosing an eye creates an issue with depth perception for horses. The trust in this team is something remarkable. Team work can overcome obstacles where physical limitations make it impossible as an individual.
It certainly hasn’t deterred Viscera, who “is so tough and believes so much in herself, I think, that she just can do anything,” Therese describes.
Therese says she was quite nervous for her first competitions back after the surgery, describing a big drop at Boekelo that some had warned her might be tough for a one-eyed horse’s depth perception. “But she just popped down like nothing and there haven’t been any problems at all,” Therese says. “She’s mentally always been really secure in herself and it must have been helping her.”
Trust
Olympic hero Laura Collett’s, British gold medal comes eight years after an accident that nearly killed her and permanently blinded her in one eye. I cant imagine what it would be like to jump those massive jumps with impaired vision. The trust you would need to have in your horse.
‘I have blurred vision in a quarter of the eye and the rest is blacked out.
‘With no recollection of my accident at all.
“Just to be here was more than a dream come true, and to be stood here, with a gold medal, I look back where I was eight years ago – I knew I was lucky to be alive, yet alone do the job I love.”
Everyone else was more worried about me getting on a horse for the first time than I was, but it was part of me getting better as it gave me something to look forward to.
“It’s a dream come true just to Be here. I feel like someone is going to pinch me and I’m going to wake up from the dream. To be able to be selected this year has been a fight, it’s been tough.
Imagine taking life lessons from our equestrian riders. But hard work, respect for any age, team work, and disability is no barrier. It is all so inclusive and I love it.
Why are some people happy all of the time? The happiest people have habits that raise the odds of feeling happy. Unhappy people have habits that result in less desirable feelings. It can be that simple. If you’re not as happy as you’d like, take a look at your habits.
Those that are happy share many qualities. Adopting these same qualities will yield positive results.
Habits that lead to happiness are enjoyable to implement:
Obviously, if you believe good things will happen, it’s much more likely that you’ll be happy. Expecting the worst does nothing to improve your mood! Realistically, it’s not even important to expect a positive outcome, only to believe that everything will be okay.
Optimism is also a form of belief in yourself. If you believe that you can handle any outcome, you can be optimistic and have the mental freedom to be happy.
Doing things for others provides multiple benefits. You can see firsthand that you have a lot to be grateful for. You can feel good about yourself for assisting others. You have a good reason to get out of the house. You also feel useful.
Make a list of at least three ways you can help others that will also fit into your schedule.
Do you realize how many great things and people you already have in your life? By maintaining focus on the things you don’t have, you’re making yourself unhappy. Experiencing gratitude helps to create feelings of happiness.
An exciting future.Maximum happiness requires that you have something to look forward to. It can be graduating from college, having a baby, retirement, a vacation, or a hot date on Saturday night. Have a few goals that give you a reason to be excited. Have goals that are both short-term and long-term.
Spend some time doing things that you’re good at. It feels good to do well at something. It doesn’t have to be a competitive event. You can hit golf balls at the range or play the guitar and feel great about yourself.
Make of list of the things you excel at and try to spend at least a little time each day doing one of them.
It’s impossible to avoid challenging times. Sooner or later, something will happen that threatens your progress, success, or happiness. Resilience is the ability to continue forging ahead. Some people have a knack for making obstacles seem bigger than they really are. Others are able to maintain their composure and continue making progress.
Reasonable expectations.When your expectations are overly optimistic, you’ll routinely experience disappointment. When your expectations are consistently low, you won’t feel very optimistic. Neither is a recipe for happiness.
How can you be happy while holding a grudge? Forgiving others quickly and easily make happiness possible. You might feel that some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but what is the alternative? Making yourself unhappy.
Spending your time pretending to be something you’re not is a challenge to your self-esteem. Happiness is allusive if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself. Allow your uniqueness to show.
Thinking about the past leads to regret. Thoughts of the future lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness on a regular basis.
There’s nothing complicated about happiness. Forgive others, be yourself, give of yourself, and be grateful for the things and people you already have. Having an effective set of habits will result in feeling more happiness.
“I See You” a beautiful life lesson. It’s from the Avatar movie.
In the movie Avatar to greet someone with “I see you” was an expression of greeting with an open heart and an open mind to be in the present moment. I see you physically and spiritually.
When you really see someone, you see all of them. You see their love, you see their soul, you acknowledge them in their entirety. I wonder if in our crazy world if we started trying to greet people with “I see you” how different it would be.
When you find someone special in your life and they stop and look at you when they really see you. You know, you are being seen, you can feel it.
I am going to make an effort to stop, especially now, and really see people I know and love. Being really open in the moment to see who is in front of you.
How is their presence making you feel?
What do they look like? Are they well presented or look like they have just gotten out of bed?
How is their energy presenting at that moment? Are they calm or are they fidgeting?
Do they look or sound tired or excited?
Are they smiling but making you feel sad?
How is the tone in the voice?
How is their stance or their body language and what is that saying to you?
When you ask yourself questions about the person and the presence in front of you, your curiosity helps you.
Paying attention to all the details will help you be present and really be able to say “I see you”, a beautiful life lesson.
I wonder if you can spend a minute or two and say “I see you” to someone special and see what it feels like.
I dare you to try.
#emotionalintelligence #idareyou #iseeyou #beinthemoment
Here are five tips for successful affirmations that can take you to the next level. Affirmations can be an incredibly powerful tool to help you manifest all your desires. However, if they aren’t done correctly, they can be a complete waste of time. The key to finding success with your positive affirmations is to have an unshakeable confidence that what you are stating will happen.
Tip #1 – Be Specific
The more detail you can include in your positive affirmations the more real it will become, and the more believable it is. Just like when you are setting your goals, you need to inform your Reticular Activating System what it is you want to achieve. You need to aim to be as specific as possible. When you can be specific with your affirmations, they can provide you with the motivation and opportunity to get everything you desire.
Tip #2 – Use Active Visualization
It isn’t enough to merely read your affirmations off of a card and then quickly move onto the next one. You have to visualize the affirmations. You have to read each affirmation and then spend a few minutes imagining what it will be like when the statement is achieved. Think about what you will see, what you will hear, what smells you’ll experience, and what feelings you’ll have about the achievement.
Tip #3 – Utilize Audio Motivation
Music can be a potent tool to use with your affirmations. When you read your affirmations, consider listening to some motivational, stirring, or upbeat music. Listening to music can help to stir up the feelings inside you. It is your feelings that generate the internal vibrations that will ultimately move you closer to your desires.
Tip #4 – Use Images
Take the time to overlay your affirmations over some appropriate background pictures. If you aren’t skilled in Photoshop, you can just look at relevant images after you’ve read your statements out loud. When you look at images that are congruent with your affirmations, it will generate some excitement. This excitement will get your vibrating in a positive way that will help you attract your desired outcome.
Tip #5 – Believe That They’ve Already Been Achieved
You always want to state your affirmations in the present tense. For example, instead of saying, “I will lose weight by the end of the month,” say “I’ve reached my ideal weight with ease.” With the Law of Attraction if you say “I want to lose weight,” it hears the words “I want” and will leave you in a constant state of wanting.
Affirmations can work for you when done correctly. Consider these tips when you’re creating your affirmations to be successful and manifest all your life’s desires.
