Getting another COVID test this morning and realising my birthday will not be the celebration I had intended brings with it more grief and confusion. I realise that coping with COVID lockdowns takes a toll on my mental health and finding ways to get some of my routine back is important to me.
We are constantly being told by our government and health officials to be scared of being in contact with people. Watch the updates. Be informed of hot spots. Know what you are allowed to do. (and this changes each day) This is not great for my anxiety and overall wellbeing. I have also noticed these news updates are not great for those around me either, somehow this lockdown seems even harder than the first. I have had so many conversations with friends and colleagues, so confused and frustrated with the ongoing nature of the lockdowns. The recurring theme of the conversations continues to come back to when will there be a priority on the general mental health and wellbeing of our population. With mental health issues on the rise so many of us now know people not doing so well.
As a positive outcome, I guess we are now talking about our own mental health more openly. Maybe sharing this might allow someone else to talk about how they are coping too.
Changing Plans
Outside of a COVID Pandemic I live an incredibly busy life and constantly juggling time commitments is something I am use to. However being able to make plans and undo them constantly it is hard not to feel defeated. The “why bother”.
I thought given we had no community transmissions for some time I was going to have a party. Stop taking myself seriously and have some fun. I was encouraged on by my ever faithful husband and simply, why not! I have been gearing up to have a big birthday bash that I have spent late nights and weeks in the planning. Invites have gone out and decorations ordered, internationals friends flying in and accommodation organised. Its all now cancelled. I feel gutted for all my friends and family who cancelled other important events in their lives to come and celebrate a milestone birthday with me.
Learning how to cope
My issue is, I try cope in all the wrong ways I get serious and try to control stuff I have absolutely no control over. I tend to get incredibly busy with work and not spending enough time with my horses. I instinctively fill my time so that I don’t have to listen to my self-talk. This strategy is so short term, in the end it makes me feel worse. What I have learned is that if I slow down and spend more time with my horses I am always stronger mentally. It seems that this is a lesson I keep having to learn.
Managing People
As I try to find ways to navigate our organisation through COVID Pandemic with rules that are constantly changing, lockdowns and back out again, our team is looking at me for leadership. I am trying to build routine to create certainty and comfort for my team, the task almost seems impossible. As a people leader you are meant to be able to cope better than most and that is probably true but my routines are constantly changing. So what can be done? Well in trying to find some helpful resources and tips for myself and my team I came across some of these.
Finding routines, staying connected, eating well, and getting exercise.
Try not to judge others as you cannot control their response.
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Everybody has a story and emotional triggers, as we go through the COVID pandemic we can only try and use our own coping mechanisms.
Fear and anxiety
Fear and anxiety are the most common reactions, as we move through the pandemic and our health authorities, media are all continuing to provide messages that play into our fear responses. It is important to understand that fear and anxiety are a normal going in and out of lockdowns. But it all requires emotional energy.
Manage to find some small wins. They will be there if you look for them. And write down your accomplishments.
Control what can be controlled – there are a lot of things you can’t control that cause you fear and anxiety – but there are some things you can manage or plan for. Having an action plan for managing things you might find difficult can help.
Pace yourself – recognising that you need to go at the right pace for you is important. Don’t let others bully or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to – but try not to let that be an excuse not to push yourself, especially when it comes to reconnecting with friends safely, outside your home, when rules allow and the time is also right for you.
Build up tolerance – try doing something that challenges you every day, or every few days. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well but keep at it. Keep a note of things you’ve achieved, enjoyed or surprised yourself doing.
Vary your routines – try and vary your routines so that you see different people and encounter different situations. If one supermarket makes you nervous, try another. If a walk at one time of the day is very busy, try mixing walks at busy times with walks at quieter times.
Talk to work – Many workplaces are allowing more flexible working even if people need to return. If you are finding it hard to get to work, or do particular shifts or activities because of anxiety or fear, speak to your manager or a colleague you trust if that feels right. If you have or have had longer term mental health problems, you may be entitled to reasonable adjustments.
Coping with uncertainty
Focus on the present – you can only do your best with what you have today. With regulations changing frequently, and lots of conflicting media discussions, try and keep a focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation is one way of bringing your mind back to the present moment.
Bring things that are certain back into focus – whilst a lot of things are uncertain at the moment, there are also things to be hopeful about. Try to record and appreciate good things as they happen. Try and take opportunities to reset and relax.
Talk to people you trust – it’s important to talk about how you feel. Don’t dismiss your concerns or judge yourself too harshly. You may also be able to find your tribe online, but try and get outside perspectives too.
Changes I am making
I have realised I need to fit my own oxygen mask. I need to schedule more time to be with my horses. They provide the emotional regulation and exercise that I need to be at my best. I understand the importance that they have for my balance. It is my self care so I can help others.
Here’s how to create positive affirmations that you can believe in and achieve all your life’s greatest desires. Whether you believe it or not, you can attract anything in your life that you give attention to, because like attracts like. Positive affirmations are a powerful tool that can make the opposite happen. By believing in a thought or sentence and repeating it to yourself regularly, you have the power to attract more positivity to your life.
Your words are incredibly powerful, and when done correctly, positive affirmations can be an impactful tool that will help you find the power to accomplish things that you didn’t think was possible. However, they only work if you believe them.
Identify What You Want
To get started writing a positive affirmation for your life, you have to think about what you really want. Think about what would make your life happier and write those thoughts down. The essential part of creating positive affirmations is ensuring that you are completely clear about what you want without worrying about the when or the how.
List the Attributes You’ll Need
When you’ve identified what you want, the next step is determining the attributes that you’ll need to achieve your goal. You should list between four and six things. You attributes are the things that you need to be, rather than the things that you need to do. Once you’ve written these out, circle a few that you believe to be the most essential attributes that you will need to embody to reach your goal.
Write Your Affirmation
Once you have your desires and attributes written down, it’s time to create your affirmation. You want to create a statement that is between one and two sentences, and that states the goal and attributes in a positive and empowering way. This can be challenging, so you should write down some ideas as they come to you and repeat them out loud.
Practice Your New Affirmation
Now that you’ve created an affirmation, it’s time to practice it and repeat it often. You want to be sure to repeat your affirmations every day. To help you remember to say your statements you set a reminder on your phone, you can set your phone’s background to a picture of your affirmation, so you see it every time you use your phone, or you can put them on Post-Its and place them around your home or office. Do whatever works for you.
Affirmations are incredibly helpful in helping you achieve your desires as long as you do them correctly. You have the power to use your mind to create the future you desire.
Feel Gratitude in Challenging Times, The Top 5 Ways.
Life is unpredictable and often very challenging. So learning how to feel gratitude in challenging times takes some practice. Each day we’re faced with obstacles that test our ability to cope well with difficulties. It’s easy to get angry, scared, or resentful and forget about gratitude for the good things in our life. If we don’t cherish and feel grateful for the good things, how can we justify wanting more of them?
Consider these easy gratitude practices when you need support in challenging times:
1. Include an act of kindness in your day.
When we’re going through a stressful or difficult period in our life, we get so self-centered and focused on self-pity that we rarely stop to think about others. This is precisely why we need to break away from this negative mindset by doing something kind.
Who is the most deserving of my simple act of kindness today? And who has shown me support and love lately? Or what can I do to honor their support and affection?
By being kind and generous to others, you create a greater sense of connection that generates a more positive outlook on life. You feel better about yourself.
When things don’t go your way and you feel like a victim of life, it can be extremely hard to feel grateful and notice things to be thankful for. Yet, there are plenty of small joys around you even on the most difficult of days. You can notice them by shifting the point of your focus.
What kind of blessings have I received lately? How can I show my gratitude for those blessings? Is there someone who deserves a thank you note from me?
Being able to say thank you for the small things helps you in shifting your focus from life’s challenges to life’s pleasures. This way, your mind expands and supports you in finding solutions and ways to get unstuck and move forward.
3. Re-frame your negativity.
Challenging times bring on lots of negativity. If you struggle for any reason, you will likely start to sabotage yourself by creating sadness, falling into despair, evoking regrets, and generating tons of unproductive negative thoughts.
Changing your perspective is the best way to re-frame negativity. Remember that everything in life comes in the form of duality. Nothing is purely good or bad. Look at the goodness and benefits in your current struggles and try to learn from them.
Negative thoughts only have the power to hurt you if you let them.
4. Keep a gratitude journal.
This is likely the most popular gratitude practice. It comes with a variety of benefits, including better quality sleep, increased immunity, greater levels of resilience, and improved mood. All these benefits are needed when you’re going through a tough time in life.
To start a gratitude journal all you need is a few moments of undisturbed time, willingness to reflect, and a way to capture your thoughts (notebook, phone, laptop). You can start by reflecting on the following questions:
What experiences in my life can I be grateful for? And what happened lately that makes me feel thankful? Or what opportunities do I have today? In addition, what have the significant others in my life done that I am grateful for?
The practice of loving-kindness meditation is designed to emphasize the practitioner’s strength and capacity to feel unconditional gratitude. Besides opening your heart to appreciation, this tool is great for building lasting compassion towards yourself and others. Compassion is crucial if you’re looking to reduce stress and overcome obstacles in your life.
Loving-kindness meditation serves as a tool for creating unconditional, inclusive love that leads to true wisdom. The love created this way has no conditions and it doesn’t need to be deserved in any way. Everyone struggles, gets stuck, and experiences difficulty. Next time you find yourself having a tough time, remember that crisis is also a wonderful growth opportunity. Embrace the challenge, enrich it with gratitude, and you’ll experience genuine growth.
I hope that with practice these tips will help you experience gratitude in challenging times.
Your Beliefs Shape Your Life So You Better Choose Them Wisely.
A lot of people think that their beliefs are like clothes. They really don’t have much choice in the matter. They just walk up to their closet, pick out what’s there, wear it, and move on to the next set of clothes the next day.
If that is you, your attitude towards your beliefs could be limiting your life. It would come as no surprise that you are not living your life to your fullest potential. Whether this means enjoying the best job, making the most money in your field, enjoying the best relationships, or looking physically fit, beliefs play a major role in your life. No matter how clueless you are about its role, beliefs will continue to remain important in your life.
Where Do Beliefs Draw Their Power?
Beliefs are like glasses. Depending on the grade of your glasses, the world may look crystal clear or it may look very fuzzy and you might even have a nasty headache when using glasses that have the wrong grade.
Beliefs work the same way. When you perceive reality, and I’m talking about the things that you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell, they have to be filtered by something in your head. This is called your belief system. It’s your lens, through which you look at the world. So many things can change your lens, your past, trauma, culture all influence your beliefs.
When you filter this information, you give it meaning. You give it color. You give it a certain slant or angle. What do you think happens next? Your analysis of the things that you choose to perceive impacts the things you say, the things you do, and the things you feel about yourself and the rest of the world.
In other words, this is important stuff but the problem is a lot of people think that since they think a certain way that this is reality. They confuse objective reality, which everyone could agree with, with their own subjective take on the things that they perceive.
Also, other people excuse their own warped way of perceiving reality by saying that that’s just who they are or it’s part of their personality. How dare people question them!
Beliefs are chosen. Just as you can choose your clothes, you can choose your beliefs. I’m not saying that it’s easy. After all, beliefs do become habitual after a while. You don’t hang onto a belief system because it is just flat-out wrong and harms you. There’s something about the belief system that you have chosen that gives you enough benefits for it to be worth hanging onto.
Limiting Beliefs
It’s like wearing really raggedy shoes. You probably have really old shoes in your home. They look nasty and they could even smell like a rat died in them but, for whatever reason, you like wearing those shoes because they’re comfortable. You know that they don’t look the best; they don’t perform all that well but you prefer their comfort. They do well enough and serve you well enough so you keep them around and you use them day to day.
The same applies to your beliefs. There are many belief systems that have simply outlived their purpose or usefulness. It’s important for us to take a long, hard look at our beliefs and ask ourselves some hard questions. Otherwise, we will be living far below our potential. We would continue to look at reality with tools that really don’t serve us. That’s a tragedy.
When you become aware of your beliefs and are conscious of your lens you are looking at the world through you have a chance to change them. Emotional Intelligence could be a way to change your limiting beliefs that shape your life.
As a leader you are in a position of power over others and…“with great power comes great responsibility”. You can choose to use it to build people up or use it to destroy them. As a leader bullying, toxicity in the workplace becomes your responsibilty. Leaders need to know what it is and how to manage it.
Anyone who has been a victim of workplace bullying or worked in a toxic workplace will know the damage that can be done. It can ruin your confidence, cause anxiety, or even worse lead to severe mental health problems. When you are at work for most of your waking moments this constant stress can lead to physical manifestations and a breakdown in other significant relationships in your life.
repeated hurtful remarks or attacks, or making fun of your work or you as a person (including your family, sex, sexuality, gender identity, race or culture, education or economic background)
sexual harassment, particularly stuff like unwelcome touching and sexually explicit comments and requests that make you uncomfortable
excluding you or stopping you from working with people or taking part in activities that relates to your work
playing mind games, ganging up on you, or other types of psychological harassment
intimidation (making you feel less important and undervalued)
giving you pointless tasks that have nothing to do with your job
giving you impossible jobs that can’t be done in the given time or with the resources provided
deliberately changing your work hours or schedule to make it difficult for you
deliberately holding back information you need for getting your work done properly
pushing, shoving, tripping, grabbing you in the workplace
attacking or threatening with equipment, knives, guns, clubs or any other type of object that can be turned into a weapon
initiation or hazing – where you are made to do humiliating or inappropriate things in order to be accepted as part of the team.
Given more than 2/3rds of us experience workplace bullying there is a high probability that you are a victim, witness, or perpetrator of workplace bullying. The effects of this can last a lifetime. It is an important and urgent issue. I was staggered by the numbers and the research.
There is a growing body of evidence showing that there is a significant correlation between bullying and low emotional intelligence. I believe that most leaders who lead through fear do this because they don’t know another way. Bullying and low emotional intelligence also correlate also with workplace performance.
Having been the victim of bullying, I personally understand the emotional and physical impact. It is this experience that continues to drive me to find another way to lead. I am a passionate believer that those in a position of leadership have a responsibility to manage and care for their team in a way that supports them. As a leader you have an obligation to show up, be present and do what you can so that they can grow into great leaders themselves.
Physical Symptoms
What ongoing stress can do to the body
If you are seeing any of these systems in your organisation or in yourself you may want to evalutate if you are in a toxic workplace. It is important that we understand it. What does it look and feel like and then make choices to either leave or change the culture.
I have witnessed a workplace so toxic that woman were vomiting in the bathroom everyday through fear. There were suicide ideation discussed and strategies from leaders on how to support suicidal staff but none of the conversation revolved around improving culture. The anxiety in amoungst the team was incredibly unhealthy and had been normalised.
The physical and emotional cost is not just “burn out”. It can be permanent. It is trauma.
Solutions to bullying and toxicity are clear
By increasing emotional intelligence you can transform a workplace. It works in all areas of the organisation. , improving wellbeing, performance, and motivation. Research is clear that emotional intelligence creates the difference between good leadership and great leadership. Everyone wins in a workplace that has a higher level of emotional intelligence. If you want to learn more about emotional intelligence and how to use it you can download my free emotional intelligence book.
