Getting another COVID test this morning and realising my birthday will not be the celebration I had intended brings with it more grief and confusion. I realise that coping with COVID lockdowns takes a toll on my mental health and finding ways to get some of my routine back is important to me.
We are constantly being told by our government and health officials to be scared of being in contact with people. Watch the updates. Be informed of hot spots. Know what you are allowed to do. (and this changes each day) This is not great for my anxiety and overall wellbeing. I have also noticed these news updates are not great for those around me either, somehow this lockdown seems even harder than the first. I have had so many conversations with friends and colleagues, so confused and frustrated with the ongoing nature of the lockdowns. The recurring theme of the conversations continues to come back to when will there be a priority on the general mental health and wellbeing of our population. With mental health issues on the rise so many of us now know people not doing so well.
As a positive outcome, I guess we are now talking about our own mental health more openly. Maybe sharing this might allow someone else to talk about how they are coping too.
Changing Plans
Outside of a COVID Pandemic I live an incredibly busy life and constantly juggling time commitments is something I am use to. However being able to make plans and undo them constantly it is hard not to feel defeated. The “why bother”.
I thought given we had no community transmissions for some time I was going to have a party. Stop taking myself seriously and have some fun. I was encouraged on by my ever faithful husband and simply, why not! I have been gearing up to have a big birthday bash that I have spent late nights and weeks in the planning. Invites have gone out and decorations ordered, internationals friends flying in and accommodation organised. Its all now cancelled. I feel gutted for all my friends and family who cancelled other important events in their lives to come and celebrate a milestone birthday with me.
Learning how to cope
My issue is, I try cope in all the wrong ways I get serious and try to control stuff I have absolutely no control over. I tend to get incredibly busy with work and not spending enough time with my horses. I instinctively fill my time so that I don’t have to listen to my self-talk. This strategy is so short term, in the end it makes me feel worse. What I have learned is that if I slow down and spend more time with my horses I am always stronger mentally. It seems that this is a lesson I keep having to learn.
Managing People
As I try to find ways to navigate our organisation through COVID Pandemic with rules that are constantly changing, lockdowns and back out again, our team is looking at me for leadership. I am trying to build routine to create certainty and comfort for my team, the task almost seems impossible. As a people leader you are meant to be able to cope better than most and that is probably true but my routines are constantly changing. So what can be done? Well in trying to find some helpful resources and tips for myself and my team I came across some of these.
Finding routines, staying connected, eating well, and getting exercise.
Try not to judge others as you cannot control their response.
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Everybody has a story and emotional triggers, as we go through the COVID pandemic we can only try and use our own coping mechanisms.
Fear and anxiety
Fear and anxiety are the most common reactions, as we move through the pandemic and our health authorities, media are all continuing to provide messages that play into our fear responses. It is important to understand that fear and anxiety are a normal going in and out of lockdowns. But it all requires emotional energy.
Manage to find some small wins. They will be there if you look for them. And write down your accomplishments.
Control what can be controlled – there are a lot of things you can’t control that cause you fear and anxiety – but there are some things you can manage or plan for. Having an action plan for managing things you might find difficult can help.
Pace yourself – recognising that you need to go at the right pace for you is important. Don’t let others bully or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to – but try not to let that be an excuse not to push yourself, especially when it comes to reconnecting with friends safely, outside your home, when rules allow and the time is also right for you.
Build up tolerance – try doing something that challenges you every day, or every few days. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well but keep at it. Keep a note of things you’ve achieved, enjoyed or surprised yourself doing.
Vary your routines – try and vary your routines so that you see different people and encounter different situations. If one supermarket makes you nervous, try another. If a walk at one time of the day is very busy, try mixing walks at busy times with walks at quieter times.
Talk to work – Many workplaces are allowing more flexible working even if people need to return. If you are finding it hard to get to work, or do particular shifts or activities because of anxiety or fear, speak to your manager or a colleague you trust if that feels right. If you have or have had longer term mental health problems, you may be entitled to reasonable adjustments.
Coping with uncertainty
Focus on the present – you can only do your best with what you have today. With regulations changing frequently, and lots of conflicting media discussions, try and keep a focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation is one way of bringing your mind back to the present moment.
Bring things that are certain back into focus – whilst a lot of things are uncertain at the moment, there are also things to be hopeful about. Try to record and appreciate good things as they happen. Try and take opportunities to reset and relax.
Talk to people you trust – it’s important to talk about how you feel. Don’t dismiss your concerns or judge yourself too harshly. You may also be able to find your tribe online, but try and get outside perspectives too.
Changes I am making
I have realised I need to fit my own oxygen mask. I need to schedule more time to be with my horses. They provide the emotional regulation and exercise that I need to be at my best. I understand the importance that they have for my balance. It is my self care so I can help others.
Practicing gratitude at work may require taking some risks, but the results are worth it.
If you like how gratitude makes you feel, you might want to bring those effects with you to work. Some big companies are experimenting with the idea. Recent studies show that employee appreciation programs can increase team spirit, morale, and productivity.
On the other hand, the workplace can be a difficult environment for cultivating gratitude. How can thankfulness coexist with competition and ambition? Do you feel comfortable expressing emotions in front of your colleagues?
Start with these ideas that will help you find more opportunities to count your blessings and say thank you at work.
Cultivating Gratitude on Your Own
You control your attitude and experiences. Regardless of your job position or industry, there are many things you can do to feel more grateful.
Try these strategies:
Pay attention. Appreciating your coworkers starts with getting to know them. Make time for small talk and follow up to see how things turn out when they have a sick child or they’re buying a new house.
Remember special occasions. Congratulate others on birthdays and work anniversaries. Wish your colleagues a Merry Christmas or Happy Diwali.
Communicate in person. Thanking others in person makes a deeper impression than sending an email. Drop by their office or invite them out to lunch.
Be inclusive. Reach out to employees who tend to be less visible. Acknowledge the cleaning crew and think about how their efforts make your life more pleasant.
Personalize your approach. Each of us has our own preferences for how we like to be thanked. You may enjoy public praise while your colleague would rather receive a pat on the back in private or be offered an afternoon off.
Keep a journal. If you’re struggling to come up with something nice to say, try writing down your positive experiences as they happen. You can use a notebook or an app on your phone.
Bring in treats. Give your office mates donuts or chips and salsa. Sharing food is one way to develop relationships.
Cultivating Gratitude with Your Colleagues
Help your employer encourage a culture of gratitude. Do your part to help yourself and others feel more appreciated.
Use these techniques to encourage gratitude at work:
Build a website. Go public with your gratitude. Ask your boss about creating a website page or bulletin board to post messages of appreciation.
Speak up at meetings. Open or close staff meetings by inviting the team to thank anyone who made a special contribution recently. Another helpful item for the agenda might be a few minutes to meditate about gratitude or empathy.
Throw parties. Get together to celebrate milestones like completing a major project or landing a new client. Recognize the individual and combined efforts that go into each success. Make a toast or hand out awards.
Exchange gifts. Thoughtful gifts can express gratitude even if your budget is limited. Give each team member a little something. Make it a habit to return from vacations and business trips with a box of salt water taffy from the Jersey shore or chocolates from Belgium.
Share support. The most authentic and meaningful way to show gratitude may be to help your coworkers out on a consistent basis. Lend a hand when someone is facing a tight deadline. Volunteer to cover their tasks while they take a mental health day.
Focus on the positive aspects of your job and let your coworkers know how they brighten up your working life. Experiencing more gratitude at work will increase your job satisfaction and may even help you to advance in your career.
As a leader you are in a position of power over others and…“with great power comes great responsibility”. It’s known as the Peter Parker Principal. Although the origins of this phrase pre-date Spiderman.
Origins…
The bible verse of Luke 12:48: “From everyone who has been given much, much will be demanded; and from the one who has been entrusted with much, much more will be asked.”
Many great leaders throughout history have used similar phrases.
In 1817, British Member of Parliament William Lamb is recorded saying, “the possession of great power necessarily implies great responsibility.”
In 1899, U.S. President William McKinley used the following in his State of the Union address: “Presented to this Congress are great opportunities. With them come great responsibilities.”
In 1906, Winston Churchill, as Under-Secretary of the Colonial Office, said: “Where there is great power there is great responsibility,”
Though not the exact phrase, U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt wrote in a 1908 letter that “responsibility should go with power.”[16]
As a leader, it is important to understand you have been given a position of power. And with that power, you can choose to use it to build people up or use it to destroy them.
Destructive Power
Anyone who has been a victim of workplace bullying or worked in a toxic workplace will know the damage that can be done. When power is used negligently. It can ruin your confidence, cause anxiety, or even worse lead to severe mental health problems. When you are at work for most of your waking moments this constant stress can lead to physical manifestations and a breakdown in other significant relationships in your life.
There is a growing body of evidence showing that there is a significant correlation between bullying and low emotional intelligence. I believe that most leaders who lead through fear do this because they don’t know another way.
Having been the victim of bullying in my past. I personally understand the emotional and physical impact. It is this experience that continues to drive me to find another way to lead. I am a passionate believer that those in a position of leadership have a responsibility to manage and care for their team in a way that supports them. As a leader you have an obligation to show up, be present and do what you can. So that your team can grow into great leaders themselves.
Understanding the negative aspects of power can be hard to grasp at first. When I first starting managing people I was terrible. I used power rather than influence to get stuff done. I didn’t understand the consequences.
Moving from Good to Great
You always have a choice and sometimes you just need to learn how to influence. Learn to lead rather than manage. Improving your emotional intelligence is the first step.
By increasing emotional intelligence you can transform a workplace. It improves wellbeing and motivation. Research is clear that emotional intelligence creates the difference between good leadership and great leadership. Can you master the Peter Parker Principal?
Embarrassing I reflect back on when I starting managing staff I was terrible, I was a shit boss. I had no idea what I was doing.
I know I just wanted people to do what I told them just because I said so. There was no buying into the vision or understanding their motivations. Even making sure you leave your stuff at the door.
We have all had bosses like it. I made sure there was enough fear so that staff wouldn’t question my authority.
I thought I had to be more “authoritative” than the person next to me. If I was in control so people just needed to do as I said. There was no “win-win” it was my way or the highway. I look back now and shudder. I honestly didn’t know there was any other way. All the managers I had worked for up to that point were very results-driven. If you didn’t reach your numbers, you were marched into the office to justify your job. Fear was how you got people to do their job. I had no role models to learn how to lead or how to mentor someone. However, here I am now more than 20 years later, I have learned how to manage in a way that is more authentic to me and it works!
You don’t have to be a shit boss developing emotional intelligence matters.
What is emotional intelligence?
Emotional intelligence is simply put the ability to control your emotions and others in the present moment. It sounds simple but has a number of key factors. According to Daniel Goleman,
Self-awareness.
Self-regulation.
Motivation.
Empathy.
Social skills.
Why is it important?
Developing emotional intelligence is the one factor that will make you successful in almost every area of your life. At a professional level is the one factor that sets high-performing leaders above others. On a personal level, it means your relationships around you will feel more connected. Allows for improved communication skills and increases your resilience. It turns out it is one of the most important life skills and increases your chances of success in every area of your life.
I have learned how to coach teams into high performance staff that want to come to work. Wow, they even laugh. They are self-motivated and managed with compassion and outcomes. It is possible to enjoy your job.
