Is it the pursuit of making more money or is it the pursuit of making more memories?
What are you making money for? I was recently talking to a business owner who decided to take the leap and be an entrepreneur. It is obviously no easy feat to go out to work for yourself. It requires a lot of money and a lot of time so you really need to be sure that this is what you want to do. You also want to make sure that the sacrifices you are making will be worth it. He is really doing a great job at it too. Having walked some of this journey with him initially his motivation was to have more time? But I asked is that why you should start a business. At our recent catch up he said it was to make more money. How much is enough money? What do you want the money for? It was this conversation that started me thinking about what is my purpose is it about making more money or is it about making more memories.
Where are you Spending Time?
This is something I think about how should I spend my time and what really brings me joy. My COVID experience has made this something I think about a lot more.
When you understand the things that bring you joy it is easier to allow life to pull you in certain directions. It is easier to be open to seeing the serendipitous moments too. I found myself being conscious about finding those moments you need to spend a little more time enjoying.
For me, it is small things that are often powerful;
An extra 5 minutes in bed in the morning enjoying an embrace from my husband. It is the sense of safety, relaxation and pure love. If I didn’t stop at that moment to take that in, to breathe in deeply I would miss it. I realise how lucky I am, and I try to take time to be grateful for life’s greatest joys and without a sense of gratitude I could miss it. I could easily get out of bed and get right in the busyness of the day.
The moment when I look out my window and know I have 3 incredible horses in my backyard. This was a childhood dream that I didn’t think was possible. When I go out in the paddock or look out my window it is about taking a mental picture and being present.
I love the mornings when my husband makes me poached eggs on toast. They are the most incredible poached eggs and no one else can make them as well. It is because every bit of them are done with love. The eggs come freshly laid by my free-range chooks and my husband knows how to poach the perfect egg. It is my favourite weekend breakfast along with the great coffee. I look forward to these breakfasts and I simply just savour the simplicity and perfection of the meal.
It is when my horse will master a new skill or something we have worked on together seems to come together finally. The time and hours put in it is those moments that provide me with elation.
Moments with my kids when there is laughter and when there is something new that they have mastered too. I have loved watching them grow into amazing humans.
The Joy of Giving
If you have ever had the opportunity to give someone something or do something that has really helped them, changed their day, or their life, you understand how powerful that is for you. There is something incredibly powerful in those moments where you can feel someones gratitude for making their life a little bit better. I love those memories these are ones I put on replay when I need to feel good as they always make me smile. I really love finding the perfect gift for someone.
Who do you want to be with?
Think about it: who would you rather spend your time with? Someone who is making money and spending all their free time doing so? Or someone who is making memories doing fun things with friends and family? Why do I ask this? Because in my experience, the people who are truly successful (and happy) have a balance between work and play. They don’t let work consume their whole lives. There are other things that matter to them besides making money. That’s not to say making more money can make you a lot happier than not having any money. I think that financial freedom is very powerful and being able to live a comfortable lifestyle certainly makes me a lot happier than being homeless.
Making More Money
I came from a working-class background. I know what it is like not to have money. I spent many years of my life making more money working harder than anyone else so that my children wouldn’t know what it is like to go without. I sacrificed a lot along the way and I still wonder whether it has been worth it all. I spent my time making more money it didn’t bring me the happiness I thought I would. I wanted to drive the fancy car, own my house and have fancy shoes. I guess what I have learned through this process is more things don’t make you happy. I have filled my life with having things and now I understand that people and places are what we remember on our deathbed, not the fancy things. It certainly won’t be my expensive coffee making coming to my bedside when I am sick and need someone.
Deathbed Moments
This is a profound question that was given to me by a young man who had too much life experience for someone his age. He had such a great time at Leading Together that he described it as a “deathbed memory”. I have started using this statement as my measuring stick and thinking is this a “deathbed memory” and I have started to realise it is the small things that are the most important. Having lost too many precious people too young you realise that things you miss the most are the simple things, not the grand gesture moments.
When you think about those precious life moments that you reflect on in your final hours what do you think that are they going to be? Making more money or making more memories.
Have you ever experienced a sound or smell that transports you to a different time and place in your life? Well, that moment happened to me today.
I have horses with colds at the moment. I don’t know how, but one of them got a cold and now they all have it. It feels a little bit like when your child brings home those disgusting germs from school or daycare and then spreads to everyone.
So I am mixing up my horse feeds with every supplement that could possibly make them better at dinner time. No one is really enjoying the “fancy and expensive stuff” in their food and not eating it.
Ahh. But I have a solution molasses! Horses love it and it disguises all the yucky stuff.
Well, this is when I was immediately transported to a different time and place in my life. I opened the tin of molasses and the smell made my grandmother appear right with me, to a time and a place when I was a very young girl bringing back to life such fond memories.
I am about 6 years old standing in her small country kitchen. She was telling me I needed to have a teaspoon of molasses because it was good for me. My grandmother used to swear by it. Everyone, man and beast would be given molasses regardless of whether they needed it or not.
The smell made me smile and reminds me of a time place and moment that was special to me.
My grandmother passed away earlier this year and this smell reminded me of the power of those small moments that make life so memorable.
I wonder if this has happened to you? Remember your loved ones will remember those small mundane moments just as much as big grand gestures. It’s reminded me to create a memory worth remembering.
Why are some people happy all of the time? The happiest people have habits that raise the odds of feeling happy. Unhappy people have habits that result in less desirable feelings. It can be that simple. If you’re not as happy as you’d like, take a look at your habits.
Those that are happy share many qualities. Adopting these same qualities will yield positive results.
Habits that lead to happiness are enjoyable to implement:
Obviously, if you believe good things will happen, it’s much more likely that you’ll be happy. Expecting the worst does nothing to improve your mood! Realistically, it’s not even important to expect a positive outcome, only to believe that everything will be okay.
Optimism is also a form of belief in yourself. If you believe that you can handle any outcome, you can be optimistic and have the mental freedom to be happy.
Doing things for others provides multiple benefits. You can see firsthand that you have a lot to be grateful for. You can feel good about yourself for assisting others. You have a good reason to get out of the house. You also feel useful.
Make a list of at least three ways you can help others that will also fit into your schedule.
Do you realize how many great things and people you already have in your life? By maintaining focus on the things you don’t have, you’re making yourself unhappy. Experiencing gratitude helps to create feelings of happiness.
An exciting future.Maximum happiness requires that you have something to look forward to. It can be graduating from college, having a baby, retirement, a vacation, or a hot date on Saturday night. Have a few goals that give you a reason to be excited. Have goals that are both short-term and long-term.
Spend some time doing things that you’re good at. It feels good to do well at something. It doesn’t have to be a competitive event. You can hit golf balls at the range or play the guitar and feel great about yourself.
Make of list of the things you excel at and try to spend at least a little time each day doing one of them.
It’s impossible to avoid challenging times. Sooner or later, something will happen that threatens your progress, success, or happiness. Resilience is the ability to continue forging ahead. Some people have a knack for making obstacles seem bigger than they really are. Others are able to maintain their composure and continue making progress.
Reasonable expectations.When your expectations are overly optimistic, you’ll routinely experience disappointment. When your expectations are consistently low, you won’t feel very optimistic. Neither is a recipe for happiness.
How can you be happy while holding a grudge? Forgiving others quickly and easily make happiness possible. You might feel that some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but what is the alternative? Making yourself unhappy.
Spending your time pretending to be something you’re not is a challenge to your self-esteem. Happiness is allusive if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself. Allow your uniqueness to show.
Thinking about the past leads to regret. Thoughts of the future lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness on a regular basis.
There’s nothing complicated about happiness. Forgive others, be yourself, give of yourself, and be grateful for the things and people you already have. Having an effective set of habits will result in feeling more happiness.
Everyone that isn’t happy wishes they were. Try these 20 ways to enhance yoru happiness. Event those that are already happy would like to be even happier. A life filled with happiness is a worthwhile goal and readily achievable. A life lacking happiness is a constant challenge. Happiness isn’t just about the big things. There are many small items that color your life and subtly add to or subtract from it.
If you’d like to add more happiness to your life, try these 20 tips:
1. Realize that money is great for solving problems, but does little to increase happiness
Need new tires on your car? Want to make a career change? Money is a great solution. However, once you have enough money to meet your basic needs, happiness is found elsewhere. More money doesn’t make you happier
4. Be mindful.
Let go of regret and worry. Your life is happening right now. You surely don’t want to miss anything
7. Be grateful
You probably have more good things in your life than you realize. Focus on those good things and your mood is sure to brighten
10. Focus on regular improvement instead of perfection
If being perfect is necessary to feel happy, you’re doomed to misery. Be happy with small, consistent improvement.
13. Get things done.
Procrastination is a happiness killer. Consider how much stress would be removed from your life if you got the essentials done on time.
16. Say “no.”
Avoiding agreeing to new obligations too quickly. If your plate is already full, piling on more responsibilities and commitments will only sour your mood.
19. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Follow a dream or a passion.
Buy a cat or take piano lessons. Learn to speak French.
2. Sleep at least 7 hours each night
If you think you’re thriving on 5 hours of sleep, think again. Every study on the topic has shown that every measured performance metric improves when sleep is increased to a minimum of 7 hours.
5. Eat a healthy breakfast
Feel good about yourself by getting the day off on the right foot. You’ll also be more likely to eat a healthy lunch
8. Get out of the house
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when you see and experience the same things consistently. See what else is going on in the world.
11. Try something new.
You probably haven’t read your favorite book, eaten in your favorite restaurant, or met your favorite person yet.
14. Spend time with those you love.
Few things can enhance your happiness more than spending quality time with those you love.
17. Smile.
Even if you don’t feel like it, smile. It’s free and you’ll feel just a little happier.
20. Introduce yourself to someone new.
The people in your life have a significant impact on your happiness. The person you meet today may become your best friend tomorrow.
3. Give at least one sincere compliment each day
Focus on the positive in others. You’ll feel better and receive the same consideration.
6. Spend regular time on a hobby you love
Work is required for most of us. Hobbies are optional. Spend part of your free time on activities you do just for fun
9. Find middle ground
Happiness is rarely found at the extremes. The middle path is the sweet spot.
12. Take a 10-minute break each hour.
Not only will you get more done each day, you’ll have more energy at the end of the day to enjoy yourself.
15. Say “yes.”
Some of us are too quick to say “no” to any new opportunity. Make it a point to say yes to new opportunities.
18. Pause.
Poor choices can create challenging situations. Before saying something unkind or making a major purchase, take a moment and calm yourself first.
Who wouldn’t want to experience a greater level of happiness on a regular basis? It’s much easier to be happier than you think. There are many simple things you can do each day to enhance your level of happiness.
Getting another COVID test this morning and realising my birthday will not be the celebration I had intended brings with it more grief and confusion. I realise that coping with COVID lockdowns takes a toll on my mental health and finding ways to get some of my routine back is important to me.
We are constantly being told by our government and health officials to be scared of being in contact with people. Watch the updates. Be informed of hot spots. Know what you are allowed to do. (and this changes each day) This is not great for my anxiety and overall wellbeing. I have also noticed these news updates are not great for those around me either, somehow this lockdown seems even harder than the first. I have had so many conversations with friends and colleagues, so confused and frustrated with the ongoing nature of the lockdowns. The recurring theme of the conversations continues to come back to when will there be a priority on the general mental health and wellbeing of our population. With mental health issues on the rise so many of us now know people not doing so well.
As a positive outcome, I guess we are now talking about our own mental health more openly. Maybe sharing this might allow someone else to talk about how they are coping too.
Changing Plans
Outside of a COVID Pandemic I live an incredibly busy life and constantly juggling time commitments is something I am use to. However being able to make plans and undo them constantly it is hard not to feel defeated. The “why bother”.
I thought given we had no community transmissions for some time I was going to have a party. Stop taking myself seriously and have some fun. I was encouraged on by my ever faithful husband and simply, why not! I have been gearing up to have a big birthday bash that I have spent late nights and weeks in the planning. Invites have gone out and decorations ordered, internationals friends flying in and accommodation organised. Its all now cancelled. I feel gutted for all my friends and family who cancelled other important events in their lives to come and celebrate a milestone birthday with me.
Learning how to cope
My issue is, I try cope in all the wrong ways I get serious and try to control stuff I have absolutely no control over. I tend to get incredibly busy with work and not spending enough time with my horses. I instinctively fill my time so that I don’t have to listen to my self-talk. This strategy is so short term, in the end it makes me feel worse. What I have learned is that if I slow down and spend more time with my horses I am always stronger mentally. It seems that this is a lesson I keep having to learn.
Managing People
As I try to find ways to navigate our organisation through COVID Pandemic with rules that are constantly changing, lockdowns and back out again, our team is looking at me for leadership. I am trying to build routine to create certainty and comfort for my team, the task almost seems impossible. As a people leader you are meant to be able to cope better than most and that is probably true but my routines are constantly changing. So what can be done? Well in trying to find some helpful resources and tips for myself and my team I came across some of these.
Finding routines, staying connected, eating well, and getting exercise.
Try not to judge others as you cannot control their response.
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Everybody has a story and emotional triggers, as we go through the COVID pandemic we can only try and use our own coping mechanisms.
Fear and anxiety
Fear and anxiety are the most common reactions, as we move through the pandemic and our health authorities, media are all continuing to provide messages that play into our fear responses. It is important to understand that fear and anxiety are a normal going in and out of lockdowns. But it all requires emotional energy.
Manage to find some small wins. They will be there if you look for them. And write down your accomplishments.
Control what can be controlled – there are a lot of things you can’t control that cause you fear and anxiety – but there are some things you can manage or plan for. Having an action plan for managing things you might find difficult can help.
Pace yourself – recognising that you need to go at the right pace for you is important. Don’t let others bully or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to – but try not to let that be an excuse not to push yourself, especially when it comes to reconnecting with friends safely, outside your home, when rules allow and the time is also right for you.
Build up tolerance – try doing something that challenges you every day, or every few days. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well but keep at it. Keep a note of things you’ve achieved, enjoyed or surprised yourself doing.
Vary your routines – try and vary your routines so that you see different people and encounter different situations. If one supermarket makes you nervous, try another. If a walk at one time of the day is very busy, try mixing walks at busy times with walks at quieter times.
Talk to work – Many workplaces are allowing more flexible working even if people need to return. If you are finding it hard to get to work, or do particular shifts or activities because of anxiety or fear, speak to your manager or a colleague you trust if that feels right. If you have or have had longer term mental health problems, you may be entitled to reasonable adjustments.
Coping with uncertainty
Focus on the present – you can only do your best with what you have today. With regulations changing frequently, and lots of conflicting media discussions, try and keep a focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation is one way of bringing your mind back to the present moment.
Bring things that are certain back into focus – whilst a lot of things are uncertain at the moment, there are also things to be hopeful about. Try to record and appreciate good things as they happen. Try and take opportunities to reset and relax.
Talk to people you trust – it’s important to talk about how you feel. Don’t dismiss your concerns or judge yourself too harshly. You may also be able to find your tribe online, but try and get outside perspectives too.
Changes I am making
I have realised I need to fit my own oxygen mask. I need to schedule more time to be with my horses. They provide the emotional regulation and exercise that I need to be at my best. I understand the importance that they have for my balance. It is my self care so I can help others.
