I wonder why, horses have healing powers? My logical and rationale part of my continues to diminish the unarguable results. I have personally experienced their healing powers. Today was another one of those days.
Maybe it’s got nothing to do with the horses, maybe it’s just me?
Is it being outside in the fresh air?
Could it be simply being present and aware?
Maybe it’s the exercise?
Is it some chemicals released?
Endorphins – a happiness hormones.
Dopamine – a satisfied hormone
Oxytocin – a relationships hormone.
You may have heard that horses are incredibly spiritual and can sense things way beyond our understanding. I see it with my own eyes and yet I continue to try and rationalise it as something else. It cannot possible be true.
Today I Am Broken
Today I feel like I experienced a miracle, I experienced the healing power of horses. I have had a day off because work has been crazy. Working incredibly long hours, weekends and managing tricky issues and I am not feeling great. Actually I am broken.
Well I have been unwell like I haven’t been in a very long time. Pain riddled throughout my body, my gut can’t decide if I am bloated, constipated or have diarrhoea. My back is cramping and nerve pain all down my legs. Also my joints just have a deep ache and a migraine to boot. I don’t want to move. My body is so fatigued that I am dizzy and just want to sleep but I am so over tired. I can’t even carry a whole sentence though.
Now as I am writing this it is late in the day and I am hot, sweaty, dirty looking like something the cat dragged in, but I am feeling so good. I have just simply spent time with my horses. This morning I stumbled down the back of our place to the stables. I needed to feed everyone and let them out.
We had a horse not doing so great so thought I needed to spend some time down in the paddock checking up on him. So I just hung out with my herd they were so serene this morning it was a little magical. The birds were chirping, beautiful sunshine and a slight breeze. Just a picture perfect day.
My Mood Lifts
I began to feel my mood lift just being with them. So much so I went up to the house to get some stuff done. Which ended in complete frustration as everything wasn’t going to plan. Even my coffee machine wasn’t working properly.
It was then that I started to become aware that I am feeling a little bit better than I was this morning. I hadn’t ridden any horses or spent anytime with them in more than two weeks. So why not grab one and go for a little ride. Let’s just work with one of them.
With my halter in hand I am walking towards my horses and thought whoever comes over to say hello, is who I will ride. Well my baby giant Duke never disappoints he is very quick to come and say hello. He always brings a smile to my face as he is always happy to see me.
Well I saddle him up and knowing I am not fully functional I am just going to do a short session in the round yard and go back to some basics. He was so good trying so hard that I didn’t want it to finish.
Feeling better
Now I am feeling even better and think well I may as well ride Pippi too. She too was amazing and trying so hard for me. Before we saddle up she is in my face needing to be hugged. Pippi is such an affectionate mare that her happy place is one with cuddles and pats. She just wants to be with me and really wants me to connect with her. Pippi is incredible at insisting you be present and making sure you breathe.
So why not do some ground work with a third horse because I am on a roll. Well little shy BJ (the new guy) had a break through too and just wanted to hang with me. So ridiculously cute!
When you can connect with one horse you can feel it in your gut and heart. Anyone who has felt it, knows it is something incredibly spiritual. I don’t have all the language to explain it but there is magic in that moment. Reflecting that all three gave me a deep level of connection today, they somehow knew I needed it.
Well now I am hot and sweaty but I am feeling so much better and I put it down to the healing power of horses. I don’t know how they do it but I do know it happens.
What ever the reason is it continues to work. I have seen it work on others too. “It’s my happy place” or “where I am relaxed” or “where I get my energy back” whatever their feelings are it’s always a place of wellness or well-being.
I know, I still find it hard to believe that a horse can make you feel better than anything I have in my medicine cabinet. However I am living proof that horses have healing powers.
Emotions start wars and create peace; spark love and force a divorce. While unavoidable, emotions are also indispensable sources of orientation and propel us to take action. But unbridled emotion can make us and those around us to act irrationally.
Emotional intelligence is a relatively new, but started to become mainstream with Daniel Goleman’s 1995 book, Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ.
Emotional intelligence is simply put the ability to control your emotions and others in the present moment. It sounds simple but has a number of key factors. According to Daniel Goleman,
Self-awareness.
Self-regulation.
Motivation.
Empathy.
Social skills.
The business case for emotional intelligence
According to Google’s famous Project Aristotle initiative, a high-performing team needs three things: 1) a strong awareness of the importance of social connections or “social sensitivity,” 2) an environment where each person speaks equally, and 3) psychological safety where everyone feels safe to show and employ themselves without fear of negative consequences. To harness these three elements of a successful team, it takes an emotionally intelligent leader.
People feel cared for when these three items are present in a team or organization. People that feel cared for are more loyal, engaged, and productive.
10 times more likely to recommend their company as a great place to work.
9 times more likely to stay at their company for three or more years.
7 times more likely to feel included at work.
4 times less likely to suffer from stress and burnout.
2 times as likely to be engaged at work.
1. Deep human needs
The three core human needs of work (and life) are to survive, belong and become. Much like Maslov’s Hierarchy of Needs, once humans fulfill the need of food, water and shelter they will then seek to be accepted for who they are, and then finally to learn and grow to become their best selves.
The workplace is filling parts of our deep human needs.
2. Technology will enhance humanity
The Industrial Revolution required strong workers. The Information Age required knowledgeable workers. The future age of work will require emotionally intelligent workers.
As the world fills with more sophisticated technology such as artificial intelligence and 5G, human skills like compassion and empathy will define the competitive edge of workers and entire organizations.
In addition, as the world becomes more high-tech, there will be a desire and opportunity for more high-touch. As technology advances, it will take on a lot of the work that humans aren’t good at, don’t like, or too dangerous. This will leave us with more time and capacity to show up emotionally for each other.
3. Work and life blending
Not only are emotions finding their way into work, but workers want it more. A pervasive myth exists that emotions don’t belong at work. As the boundaries blur we want to be able to bring our whole selves into the workplace and this is inevitably messy.
4. Evolving employer-employee relationship
In the past, the employer-employee relationship was very transactional. But in today’s always-on work culture, the boundaries of the employee-employer relationship are expanding.
As employees seek more from their employers, moving from employing to empowering will serve employers well.
It’s not surprising then that more than any other generation, Gen Z wants their managers to be empathetic, according to The Center for Generational Kinetics’ 2020 study, Solving the Remote Work Challenge Across Generations.
If the youth is the future, and Gen Z are lonely and psychologically stressed then the future of work must be emotional intelligence.
When it comes to finding success, most people believe that the higher your IQ, the more success you’ll enjoy in life. However, this isn’t always the case. In the last decade, the topic of emotional intelligence has gained popularity and been shown to be a better predictor of success. Fortunately, unlike IQ, emotional intelligence, or EQ can be learned and developed.
Emotional intelligence is your ability to be aware of, control, and express your emotions and to effectively handle interpersonal relationships with empathy. There are two kinds of emotional intelligence: interpersonal and intrapersonal. Interpersonal emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, acknowledge, and regulate the emotions of others. Intrapersonal emotional intelligence is about your ability to understand, accept, and control your own feelings, motivations, and fear.
Having high emotional intelligence is not only necessary for success but plays an incredibly important role in your overall happiness in life. There are a variety of benefits that are associated with having a high level of emotional intelligence and improving your emotional intelligence can help you to navigate better the social complexities you face throughout both your personal and professional life. Here are some of the indispensable benefits that you can gain by having a high level of emotional intelligence.
Success in Your Career
Being successful in your career has a lot to do with effectively dealing with other people. In fact, recent studies showed that 75 percent of jobs are derailed for reasons that are related to emotional competencies. This includes your inability to handle interpersonal issues, an unsatisfactory team leadership during times of conflict and difficulty, and the failure to change or adapt to changing circumstances, among others. When you have a high level of emotional intelligence, you will find that you thrive in the following areas:
Success in your career
· Managing a team
· Leading a team
· Working in a team
· Selling or marketing
· Providing customer support
· Negotiating a deal
· Connecting with professionals
When companies are filled with high emotionally intelligent workers, not only does it contribute to the overall success of the company, but it also creates a better work environment, which helps the employees remain happy with their job. Whist your employees are happy, your customers are more likely to stay happy as well.
Able to Build Better Relationships
Building better relationships with emotional intelligence
One of the most common reasons why most relationships end up failing is because of low emotional intelligence. As Dale Carnegie once said, “When dealing with people, remember that you are not dealing with creatures of logic, but with creatures of emotion.” People that have a low level of emotional intelligence, often find it challenging to manage their emotions and understand others.
Building a relationship is a two-way street, which means that you need to work on raising your emotional intelligence, while also finding someone who also has high emotional intelligence. When two people with high emotional intelligence are compatible, the relationship tends to work out much better.
Improved Personal Development
Among all of the relationships that you have in your life, the one that you have with yourself is the best relationship. If you have a toxic relationship with yourself, you can’t hope to have a healthy relationship with others. Emotional intelligence helps you to understand and manage your emotions. The more that you can understand yourself, the more you can recognize the differences in others. This will help you to understand others better and meet them where they are.
So, before you can go on to help others, you have to start helping yourself. However, you need to remember that you can’t be selfish or self-absorbed, which will cause you to become indifferent to others. There is a delicate balance between putting yourself and your health first, and not making everything about you. Fortunately, improving your emotional intelligence can help to draw a line between the two.
More Confidence and Happiness
When you can effectively monitor unpleasant feelings, you can take more action to feel happy, confident, and calm. Too often, we depend on outside influences to bring us joy, confidence, and peace. While you always want to celebrate the positive events, if you continue to rely on them for your happiness, you’ll find yourself sad, depressed, angry, upset, and more in your default state.
Having high emotional intelligence means that you can switch from this default state because you are able to regulate your emotions effectively. Through mindfulness, and taking the right actions, you can ultimately become more focused, happy, confident, relaxed, and enthusiastic in your life.
The Components of Emotional Intelligence
Psychologist and best-selling author of the book: Emotional Intelligence: Why It Can Matter More Than IQ, Daniel Goleman, has suggested that five components are critical to emotional intelligence. The more that you can manage each of these five components in your life, the higher level of emotional intelligence you can expect to have.
Component #1 – Self-Awareness
Self-awareness is your ability to recognize, as well as understand your emotions, skills, and motivations. Another important aspect of self-awareness is understanding how your emotions affect those around you. To achieve self-awareness, you need to learn how to monitor your emotional state and identify your feelings. Traits that prove a person is emotionally intelligent to include the ability to laugh at your mistakes, confidence, and the awareness of how others perceive you.
Component #2 – Self-Regulation
Being able to self-regulate, when it comes to emotional intelligence, is your ability to control your impulses, the ability to think before you speak or react, and the ability to express yourself appropriately. In other words, it’s the emotional maturity that allows you to take responsibility for your actions, as well as being able to adapt to change and respond to other’s emotions appropriately.
Component #3 – Motivation
Motivation is having an interest in learning and improving yourself. This component of emotional intelligence is about having the strength to keep going when encounter obstacles in your life and setting goals and sticking to them. An emotionally mature individual in this category has traits like having initiative and being able to commit to the completion of a task, as well as having the perseverance to continue on in the face of adversity.
Having empathy means that you understand other people’s emotions and reactions. You can only achieve empathy for others if you’ve achieved self-awareness. Before you can understand others, you have to be able to understand yourself and your emotions. Those who have emotional maturity in the category of empathy possess traits like being interested in other’s worries and concerns, being able to anticipate someone’s emotional response to an issue, and the understanding of societal norms and why people act the way they do.
Component #5 – Social Skills
Social skills are your ability to pick up on sarcasm, jokes, customer service, finding common ground with others, and the ability to maintain relationships. It is defined as someone who has excellent communication skills, good time management skills, the ability to resolve difficult situations or conflicts using persuasion, and the ability to be a leader.
How to Improve Your Emotional Intelligence
Like any other skill that you want to develop, improving your emotional intelligence will take both time and practice. To start with, you have to develop a growth mindset and believe that you can improve your emotional intelligence no matter where you’re starting. You also have to think that there is no limit to how much you can improve your EQ. Here are some of the best ways that you can improve your emotional intelligence.
There are a lot of theories out there on personality traits, but the “Big 5” personality traits have been wildly researched and talked about. The five traits include openness to experience, conscientiousness, extraversion, neuroticism, and agreeableness. When you can come to understand your personality traits, it can become much more comfortable to accept or change who you are, while becoming more understanding and accommodating to the behavior of others.
Define Your Values and Beliefs
Limiting beliefs
While we all have similar basic needs, we all want different things in life and hold different beliefs and values. The worst thing you can do is chase others desires or copy their beliefs and not staying true to your values. To overcome this and improve your emotional intelligence, you need to take the time to set your beliefs, values, and goals. Once you’ve chosen your values, you need to define each one in your own words with as much detail as possible. The clearer your definition, the higher the chances that you’ll stick with your values and direct your energy toward them.
Listen to Yourself
Whether you realize it or not, your body and mind are continually giving you signs, but it’s not easy to notice them when you’re living on autopilot. Many times, we experience what is known as Amygdala Hijack. The amygdala is an area in the brain that is responsible for processing emotions. When it is hijacked, your pre-frontal cortex gets shut off, and the amygdala region of the brain activates your fear, putting you into the fight-or-flight response. While this phenomenon helped us to survive in the past, it often gets us into trouble today. The best way to combat this is to practice mindfulness.
Visit the Past to Create the Future
Since your childhood, you’ve been exposed to millions of different concepts that set the foundation of your subconscious mind. Your past holds a lot of insight into why you do what you do. Looking back at your past can help you to understand the underlying reason for your values, desires, thought patterns, preferences, and emotional reactions. Start by asking questions and resetting your mind and exploring the possibilities of what you can let go and who you can ultimately become. When you can develop a better understanding of your past, you become free to create a better future and navigate the world with confidence.
Learn to Handle Emotions Appropriately
If you want to improve your emotional intelligence, you need to begin to understand a wide range of emotions and how to handle them. The benefits of building your emotional granularity are immense including being 30 percent more flexible when regulating your emotions, being less likely to explode in anger when someone hurts you and handling fear and anxiety in a better way, among others.
Learn to Listen to Others
Learning to listen to others
You have to approach everything with a beginner’s mind and treat every opportunity to look at things from a different perspective. The more perspectives that you can collect, the more you will start to realize how small your viewpoint really is. If you want to expand your perception and knowledge, you have to learn how to observe and listen. You can also work on getting honest feedback from others on how they perceive you. The insights that you receive about yourself will change your life.
Learn to Communicate Better
There are two types of communication, verbal and non-verbal. When it comes to verbal communication, learn how to listen to others rather than thinking about what you’re going to say next. You can also try to make people feel safe by showing kindness. To improve your verbal communication skills, you can’t be afraid to share yourself with others, and you have to explain things simply so that others will want to listen to you.
To improve your non-verbal communication skills, you will need to learn how to use eye-contact appropriately, uses gestures and expressions in your communication, and read people by paying attention to the body language and expressions of others.
Conclusion
You can’t expect for people, including yourself, to be intelligent all the time. We all make mistakes, and one of the humblest things that you can do as a person with high levels of emotional intelligence is to accept mistakes. When it comes to improving your emotional intelligence, you want to make sure that when you meet people who lack EQ, you can lead by example and hope for the best for them. None of us are born with high emotional intelligence, but rather, it is something that we have to learn how to develop throughout our life. With this simple 5-minute guide on emotional intelligence, you can get a start on the path to improving your EQ and finding happiness and success in your life.
TOP RECOMMENDED GUIDE:
How To Develop Emotional Intelligence: A Step-By-Step Guide To Developing Self-Awareness, Improving Your People Skills, and Creating Happier Relationships
Working from home means we need to adapt. It can be great but it also has its challenges. We need new skill sets that we may not have needed before. The pandemic has meant we need to do and lead our teams differently. Learning how to use empathy is the essential skill required in remote work.
The big change is we need more emotional intelligence. The most important skill is improving our empathy.
Empathetic Small Talk
We need to develop our small talk… and make it count. Pay attention to the individual and let them know it’s all about them. Ask them a personal question, relate the question to something that matters to them. Include family, friends, and pets.
Be visible
Turn on your camera and show up as a real person it allows you to be in a vulnerable space for each other. Embrace it. We get it is awkward but this is the new world so we need to find ways to make it work. Make sure it is a presentable space, so please don’t have your dirty laundry in the background. Way too vulnerable.
Vulnerable leadership
It is ok not to know when the pandemic will end. You can say I don’t have all your answers. Also, I take the time to acknowledge how that feels for someone who wants to be reassured at that time. Everyone has their own challenges that are unique to them. Answers are not always required.
Create a different routine
Everyone finds comfort in their predictable routines so create them. Find new ways to create a rhythm whether that is a phone call to check in personally, or team meetings, or even small tasks.
Find a way to relate to your staff to show up and show you care in a way that matters to them. Empathy matters now, but remember the pandemic won’t last forever.
Have you ever wondered what is the meaning of leadership? You don’t have to look it up in a
dictionary. The meaning is in the word itself. If we look closely leadership consist of three words.
Leader, lead, ship. A leader is a person who leads a ship. A ship can be a certain company, a house,
or a country. People argue that some people are born leaders, but it has been proven many times
that leadership is not a trait that we inherit, it is a skill that can be learned.
A handyman has tools to help him do his work, a doctor has medical instruments to help him
perform surgery. So, does a leader have certain tools or skills that can help him do a better job?
You will love the following analogy if you are a marvel fan. Every superhero in avengers has some
sort of tool to help him do their task. Thor has a hammer; Cap has a shield and hulk gets angry
(we all have this ability). So, you and I are not less than any superhero. The difference is that they
fight aliens trying to invade earth, we try to fight the daily challenges that life throws at us. So, in
order to fight these challenges, we need to have some sort of tools that can help us.
These skills or tools are listening, empathy, emotional intelligence, creativity, and service
mindedness. Now if you are in a leadership position you must have these skills or as it is called
soft skills. People generally overlook these things and don’t learn them because they think they
don’t matter. But let me tell you these are equally as important as creating those balance sheets
and marketing campaigns.
The smartest leaders are the ones that go around and ask for everyone’s advice; they don’t
underestimate anyone. This points towards the first soft skill listening. Yes, you are right, listening
is the first skill that you need to master if you desire to lead. All of us have the ability to solve our
problems if anyone just listens to us. Listening can help you get what you want, without you even
asking for it. Even if you don’t want to become a leader, having a habit of listening will take you
a long way.
Another soft skill that a leader needs to have in his arsenal is empathy. Empathy means being
able to understand the needs of others. It means you’re aware of their feelings and their thinking.
A leader cannot build a team without empathy. So, a leader needs to see things from another
person’s perspective. This will help a leader make the right decisions.
Emotional intelligence is the ability to understand, use, and manage your own emotions in
positive ways to relieve stress, communicate effectively, empathize with others, overcome
challenges, and defuse conflict. Emotional intelligence can help a leader in dealing with difficult
people and situations. If a leader gets discouraged or tensed in a difficult situation then his team
will also lose hope. So, a leader has to have control over his emotions in order to lead.
How Can I Help You Win?
Now we come to the last soft skill that a leader needs to possess it is called service
mindedness. The job of the leader is not to be in charge of the people, the real job of a leader is
to take care of those in their charge. The leader should not say to his team how can you help me
win, but instead the leader should say “How can I help you win?”
So, if this inspired you, the next time you are in a position to lead. Do it with full courage and confidence in yourself. Leadership is rewarding but it is twice as challenging as it looks. People
will not have faith in you unless you first have faith in yourself. Instead of telling your team how
it’s done, show them how it’s done.
