Sitting with colleagues I have heard it so many times. It’s a common saying among CEOs “it’s lonely at the top.” But why? This really got me thinking. From the outside looking in a CEO has it made, the great car, house, amazing job, meeting incredible people, great salary and everyone looks up to them, and they are celebrated.
As it turns out that the vast majority of CEOs feel isolated and alone in their role. According to the Harvard Business Review, over half of CEOs express feelings of loneliness, 61% of which believe loneliness hinders their job performance. There are a few reasons for this. Firstly, as the CEO you are ultimately responsible for everything that happens. This is a lot of pressure, and it’s easy to feel like you’re the only one who can solve the problem or the only one who cares about the organisation and the livelihoods of those who work for you. The position at the top is a 24/7 job, there is no off. The number of times I tried to take a holiday only for a media issue or a confidential legal matter to arise. I could almost guarantee on the first or second day of my leave would be the dreaded phone call.
There is pressure to be on and to perform all the time and now there is a blurring with social media channels and your personal life is also your professional life. So you feel like you are constantly under pressure to perform at the highest level and maintain your position. And heaven forbid if you make a mistake, it’s often magnified because you’re in the spotlight. There is no room for error or to be human at the top.
I know that while you have worked incredibly hard to get where you are, so why is it then, it’s also likely that you feel incredibly lonely at the top. No one truly understands this unique position unless you have been at the top.
Why CEO Loneliness Matters
Loneliness costs Australia an estimated $2.7bn each year due to adverse health outcomes and has worsened throughout the Covid pandemic, according to a new report measuring social connectedness. Loneliness can make you physically sick. I am sure if you think hard enough you will know of a CEO whose job made them unwell. For some of them, it was simply loneliness. How many of them had a position at the top and then you saw their health decline or saw how the position aged them? There is a lot of evidence that loneliness is a significant health concern but also it affects our ability to make good decisions. Social isolation and loneliness affect mental health, behaviours, sleep patterns, physical health and our ability to deal with stress. So why are our boards and CEOs not talking about this topic? Why is not just part of the CEO’s salary to have the support that they need to do their job well? There is a feeling of shame about feeling lonely.
If we want thriving organisations, looking after and supporting CEOs to perform at their peak, should be a priority. In reality, we expect CEOs to be strong and resilient and we want them to be able to cope with significant amounts of pressure. It’s not fair or reasonable to expect those around the CEOs like our boards and management to be that support as they don’t really want to have a conversation about their vulnerabilities and that they are feeling lonely.
Yes CEOs Are Resilient
They got to the top because they are emotionally resilient and often able to play their cards close to their chest. CEOs can often handle stress better and for longer, meaning we have a tendency to bend under pressure rather than break. And then we bounce back. This is why people in senior leadership roles managed to be a CEO in the first place. However, the research is clear that they are feeling lonely and this has a significant impact on their health and their ability to perform at their peak. CEOs need a constant deep well of resilience and ongoing ability to cope. Issues that come to the CEO are often too complex or difficult for anyone else in the organisation to solve. So these decisions have consequences. Yes, CEOs have resilience but they are also human too.
The Perks
There are many perks to being the CEO as some of them are just simply heady. The salary, the title, the ability to make decisions and to be recognised for them, to really make a difference and to build something. You have access to information and to people. The position allows those around you to look up to you because of the important role you hold. There are many reasons that CEOs work as hard as they do for the recognition and the power that comes with the position. It is important to understand that there is another side to this and it comes with a price.
CEOs Need a Support System
If I have learned anything from COVID it is that social connections matter. Our relationships matter whether it’s family or friends they are all critical to our ability to cope and succeed.
As a CEO, it can be easy to think we’re supposed to be able to do everything ourselves, but the truth is, no one can. And the sooner we can tap into a broad support system, the sooner we reduce the sense of isolation and loneliness. Not one person needs to be everything to you in your support network for example your romantic partner shouldn’t be your only support. But you need people around you that can be trusted.
Suggestions
Your board of directors and the chairperson should provide you with opportunities to debrief and to understand what is keeping you awake at night
Your management team should also be a team to support you
Your romantic partner probably knows you better than anyone else
A close friend and or family know you outside of work
A coach, mentor or paid professional to support you personally
A mental health professional to help you deal with the stress
CEO Network or group
This is not an exhaustive list but you need a team around you to support you when you need it. I personally found having a CEO network, (2020 exchange) of like minded people incredibly valuable. We were in different industries but often faced similar issues. There was no judgement and ability to share and learn from each other.
It is important that you use different people in your support network for different things. My close friends and family are for my silly moments and letting loose, lets be honest not everyone needs to see that. What ever you use your support network for it is essential for your wellbeing, happiness and success. Being at the top comes with a lot of advantages but it also comes with some unique challenges.
Get connected and dont be afraid to admit your lonely at the top because you are not alone.
Here are the top 5 ways to boost your emotional intelligence in order to find success. If you want to succeed in both your professional and personal life, there are a broad range of skills that can help. However, the emerging research is emotional intelligence is the most important skill you need to develop. Your vision and fresh and creative ideas are critical aspects of success. Leadership requires a number of human skills as well as technical skills for success.
Great leaders make themselves and their personal improvement a lifelong project. They actively seek out learning. They also seek out people who will tell them the truth about how they come across to others. In addition, tell them areas where they can make improvements. They look for organizations that will accommodate them or spend money on a coach who will provide them with honest feedback. Great leaders recognize that they are a work in progress and are always looking for ways to improve.
Develop Your Listening Skills
Good leaders are always aware of how essential listening skills are for success. They recognize that everyone has the desire to be heard. Not only do you receive more crucial information when you develop your listening skills, but you are better able to connect with others by picking up meanings and messages through nonverbal cues.
Show a Genuine Interest in Others
Not only do emotionally intelligent people learn the names of everyone that works at their company, but they also make it a point to find out as much about others as possible. They strive to find out what matters to them, whether it is their family, special interests, or hobbies. Showing a personal interest in those around you show others that they are valued as people, rather than just cogs in the machine.
Develop Your Ability to Manage Emotions
Developing your ability to manage not only yours but others’ emotions is an important skill to have. Leaders that possess high emotional intelligence can process information and respond only after they’ve thought about the situation. Emotionally intelligent people can pick up the underlying feelings behind the words spoken.
Develop a Strong Sense of Appreciation
Great leaders, with high emotional intelligence, are always appreciative and aware that they have others to thank for them to where they are. One way you can develop more gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you are grateful for every day. It helps to maintain a positive attitude and their motivation high throughout the day.
High emotional intelligence is an essential aspect of success. Incorporate these five tips into your life and you can help boost your emotional intelligence.
Everyone that isn’t happy wishes they were. Try these 20 ways to enhance yoru happiness. Event those that are already happy would like to be even happier. A life filled with happiness is a worthwhile goal and readily achievable. A life lacking happiness is a constant challenge. Happiness isn’t just about the big things. There are many small items that color your life and subtly add to or subtract from it.
If you’d like to add more happiness to your life, try these 20 tips:
1. Realize that money is great for solving problems, but does little to increase happiness
Need new tires on your car? Want to make a career change? Money is a great solution. However, once you have enough money to meet your basic needs, happiness is found elsewhere. More money doesn’t make you happier
4. Be mindful.
Let go of regret and worry. Your life is happening right now. You surely don’t want to miss anything
7. Be grateful
You probably have more good things in your life than you realize. Focus on those good things and your mood is sure to brighten
10. Focus on regular improvement instead of perfection
If being perfect is necessary to feel happy, you’re doomed to misery. Be happy with small, consistent improvement.
13. Get things done.
Procrastination is a happiness killer. Consider how much stress would be removed from your life if you got the essentials done on time.
16. Say “no.”
Avoiding agreeing to new obligations too quickly. If your plate is already full, piling on more responsibilities and commitments will only sour your mood.
19. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Follow a dream or a passion.
Buy a cat or take piano lessons. Learn to speak French.
2. Sleep at least 7 hours each night
If you think you’re thriving on 5 hours of sleep, think again. Every study on the topic has shown that every measured performance metric improves when sleep is increased to a minimum of 7 hours.
5. Eat a healthy breakfast
Feel good about yourself by getting the day off on the right foot. You’ll also be more likely to eat a healthy lunch
8. Get out of the house
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when you see and experience the same things consistently. See what else is going on in the world.
11. Try something new.
You probably haven’t read your favorite book, eaten in your favorite restaurant, or met your favorite person yet.
14. Spend time with those you love.
Few things can enhance your happiness more than spending quality time with those you love.
17. Smile.
Even if you don’t feel like it, smile. It’s free and you’ll feel just a little happier.
20. Introduce yourself to someone new.
The people in your life have a significant impact on your happiness. The person you meet today may become your best friend tomorrow.
3. Give at least one sincere compliment each day
Focus on the positive in others. You’ll feel better and receive the same consideration.
6. Spend regular time on a hobby you love
Work is required for most of us. Hobbies are optional. Spend part of your free time on activities you do just for fun
9. Find middle ground
Happiness is rarely found at the extremes. The middle path is the sweet spot.
12. Take a 10-minute break each hour.
Not only will you get more done each day, you’ll have more energy at the end of the day to enjoy yourself.
15. Say “yes.”
Some of us are too quick to say “no” to any new opportunity. Make it a point to say yes to new opportunities.
18. Pause.
Poor choices can create challenging situations. Before saying something unkind or making a major purchase, take a moment and calm yourself first.
Who wouldn’t want to experience a greater level of happiness on a regular basis? It’s much easier to be happier than you think. There are many simple things you can do each day to enhance your level of happiness.
I am so incredibly grateful that I found out how my ponies can change lives, its in these life changing moments that I see how easy it can be. I have had the opportunity to work with senior leaders, women and vulnerable young people. Regardless of their story, simply, how life changing this can be. I have had such powerful conversations that I just don’t know where or how else you can do that. After meeting someone for 5 mins you can then have life changing conversations. One such moment was talking with a young man with autism and behavioral issues, he decided rather than being violent when you are frustrated try talking calmly. My horse showed him the way. It was an aha moment for him. Which then led to another conversation about how to have respect for his family and belongings.
An incredibly shy young woman about how to engage with people and make new friends. A senior leader learning how to breath and stay calm under highly stressful situations. A young woman learning how to hold herself to be confident and assertive without dominance in difficult situations.
I realise that these are just small moments in a life time but they are profound. It just melts my heart.
It doesn’t matter your story or where you are this works.
Blake Davies is a strong digital marketer who has some incredible leadership skills. He leads others from a place of authenticity and as such quickly builds trust with those around him, leading with empathy, humour and great insights.
He is a unique individual who is very personable, and also able to understand technical platforms. Which make him a great asset for building business and relationships. His experience in building business success across hospitality & tourism, non-profit, health, property and digital marketing.
Blake’s insight into what is leadership?
Leadership is about peing brave and pushing through and building people up.
Listen to this episode to find out more about what Blake thinks about leadership.
In this podcasts he talks influences for him, empathy and the importance of connections. Really inspirational leader.
