Recently I was at a leadership forum and casually asked a colleague, “Have you got any plans over Christmas? Are you going away?” and he simply said, “I am resting hard”.
Well my first response was to burst out laughing and then the more I thought about this statement the more I thought that this is genius!
We all work hard, we play hard, we wear this like a badge of honour. Our exhaustion is seen as a status symbol. When you ask someone how are you, how often do you hear the response “busy”.
What COVID has brought home to me is burnout is real and so many people I know have got major health issues from not resting. It is simply not a great culture where we take pride in our hustle and collective fatigue. It’s not ok, and we shouldn’t keep on soldiering on through our exhaustion.
Resting
“Resting” is a simple concept that can take some time to master. It’s the art of disconnecting from your work, friends, and whatever else so you can relax and rejuvenate. If you don’t rest, you’ll burn out.
We see resting as a soft option and feel guilty for resting because we have been told if we are not busy, we are failing. But the opposite is so true. Resting more will actually give you more energy and make you feel better and perform better.
Sleep is the best performance-enhancing drug ever!! I have experienced extreme ends of the rest continuum. Ask any new mum with an unsettled child what lack of sleep does to you. Any parent who is sleep-deprived will tell you emphatically how much better he/she feels with a decent nights sleep.
But it isn’t just sleep that is important for rest. You need to create habits that allow you to switch off. The first step to resting more is getting into a habit of resting every day. This will prevent you from being overworked and burnt out. The second step to rest is using exercises like yoga and meditation to help you relax and reset your mind. They are beneficial to both physical and mental health, but also help us enjoy life more.
Resting and recharging your batteries is about ensuring you take time to do the things that give you energy and fill you up. Everyone has a place, hobby or exercise which gives them joy. Mindfulness comes to people in so many different ways. It could be as simple as a walk around the block with the dog.
Leaders Need Rest Too
Even the most hard-charging business leaders need time to recharge their batteries. We all know that leading a company requires long hours and tons of energy, but it takes much more than that to stay sharp and motivated.
Just as a machine needs maintenance, so does the human body. Our bodies require rest and relaxation in order to function at the highest level. Some people take a lot of time off, while others prefer to get away from their daily grind by getting outdoors and exercising with friends. Some people prefer to take an hour to reflect on their goals with a quiet walk around the block. Or maybe it is scheduling your regular yoga session.
Without rest, you cannot find the creativity and mental function required to solve complex problems. You will find you have more capacity to help and support everyone around you if you help yourself first.
Rest Guilt-Free
Today, most people feel guilty when they take time off. It’s as if the world is going to stop spinning and explode if they aren’t working. They have an underlying belief that time spent away from work is wasted time, which only causes more stress. But what if I told you that taking a break actually makes you more productive? That’s right! When you take time off, your mind is more relaxed and ready for work. And there’s more good news! Taking regular breaks will eventually make you more productive and allow you to get more done in less time
Work at Resting
Imagine if we put as much time and effort into learning how to rest as we did learning a new skill. Resting Hard is a concept that requires effort, it requires conscious time, put it in the diary. Prioritise it. Your body and mind will thank you. Your family will thank you. But also your staff will thank you for bringing your best version to work. We are not built to squeeze more into our days. Even God had to take a day off. So if it is good enough for him then I might just work on doing it too.
So for now I am going to work on simply “resting hard”.
Here are the top 5 ways to boost your emotional intelligence in order to find success. If you want to succeed in both your professional and personal life, there are a broad range of skills that can help. However, the emerging research is emotional intelligence is the most important skill you need to develop. Your vision and fresh and creative ideas are critical aspects of success. Leadership requires a number of human skills as well as technical skills for success.
Great leaders make themselves and their personal improvement a lifelong project. They actively seek out learning. They also seek out people who will tell them the truth about how they come across to others. In addition, tell them areas where they can make improvements. They look for organizations that will accommodate them or spend money on a coach who will provide them with honest feedback. Great leaders recognize that they are a work in progress and are always looking for ways to improve.
Develop Your Listening Skills
Good leaders are always aware of how essential listening skills are for success. They recognize that everyone has the desire to be heard. Not only do you receive more crucial information when you develop your listening skills, but you are better able to connect with others by picking up meanings and messages through nonverbal cues.
Show a Genuine Interest in Others
Not only do emotionally intelligent people learn the names of everyone that works at their company, but they also make it a point to find out as much about others as possible. They strive to find out what matters to them, whether it is their family, special interests, or hobbies. Showing a personal interest in those around you show others that they are valued as people, rather than just cogs in the machine.
Develop Your Ability to Manage Emotions
Developing your ability to manage not only yours but others’ emotions is an important skill to have. Leaders that possess high emotional intelligence can process information and respond only after they’ve thought about the situation. Emotionally intelligent people can pick up the underlying feelings behind the words spoken.
Develop a Strong Sense of Appreciation
Great leaders, with high emotional intelligence, are always appreciative and aware that they have others to thank for them to where they are. One way you can develop more gratitude is to keep a gratitude journal and write down three things you are grateful for every day. It helps to maintain a positive attitude and their motivation high throughout the day.
High emotional intelligence is an essential aspect of success. Incorporate these five tips into your life and you can help boost your emotional intelligence.
Leadership is not a title you can assign to someone. It’s a set of skills that you develop over time and use in different situations. A lot of people think that leadership is about making others do what they want, but it’s not. Leadership is actually about making others feel like doing what you want them to do – by showing them why it’s important.
Leadership is the quality of influencing, inspiring or motivating people to achieve a shared goal. This definition seems simple enough, but what does it really mean to be a good leader?
Leaders inspire others to follow and provide an environment to be their best. Sounds simple but it is one of the hardest things to accomplish. A strong leader will also have the ability to execute strategy while motivating employees at all levels of an organisation or group. Leadership is not an easy job, so being able to develop trust with your team will prove invaluable on your journey towards building a successful team.
What Makes a Good Leader?
Some people are born leaders, but not all of us. Leadership is a learned skill, and the ability to become a leader depends on your attitude and actions. It also depends on your choices – yes, you have choices as a leader.
If you’re willing to learn what makes a good leader, consider these 8 tips:
Focus on yourself first. As a new leader or manager of others, it’s easy to rush into building rapport with those that report to you. A common trap is to try to be a people pleaser. I have seen this happen so many times where leaders try to be friends with their team and colleagues.
Improve your emotional intelligence and be aware of your strengths and weakness. You need to understand the space you are good in and when you need support from others. This is critical when you looked to for supporting and communicating with others
Be prepared to have someone you trust to debrief and confide with as you learn and grow (a coach or mentor)
When leading teams you need to find out what is important to them. You need to have empathy and care about what are their goals and ambitions are.
The most effective leaders are those who inspire others to go above and beyond their own expectations.
A good leader must be willing to lead from the front, not from behind.
He or she must know how to adapt as situations change, and make decisions with conviction in order to ensure success for everyone involved.
Be prepared to make mistakes… So many mistakes, but simply learn from them.
Leadership Learning From a Horse?
I’ve learned some valuable leadership lessons from training horses. I believe I have learnt more about being a leader and about myself from my horses than anyone else. This is a hard concept to believe but it is true. Having a horse that is so highly attuned to your emotions is quite a confronting experience. You see I was a highly anxious person, so many things would make me angry, nervous or just want to run away and hide. It is not a great way to live and the consequences for it are your health and damaging important relationships. Also, it doesnt make for a great leader!
Controlling Your Emotions
Having a horse that is a nervous anxious horse is not a fun experience and so I needed to learn how to be calm-assertive. This has taken years of hard work on myself, many mistakes but trying to seek out the answer. What I discovered also makes you a better leader. The calm assertive leader is what a horse needs but it is also what your team needs.
I have learned to lean into fear rather than run away. Not knowing how to manage or deal with a horse is scary and intimidating, however when you understand that they are seeking a calm assertive leader and they will follow. They need you to be brave and decisive when they are in fear. So too do your team. This is essential when you are in a leadership role and you will always have an element of fear when you need to make decisions that have no clear answer.
Horses have taught me to experiment and play. Because they always give you honest and immediate feedback it’s easy to find where you are at your best. If you are too stern they say no, if you are too soft they say no, if you are not your being authentic they say no. I horse will find comfort when you lead in your own way. This has helped me understand how to interact with different team members differently too.
Learning As a Leader
Learning to embrace learning, and embrace the learning experience. I love learning new things and constantly seeking answers or a new way to approach a problem. There is a place of being curious and open is where the magic happens. You need to find comfort in the awkward learning as will never have all the answers but if you are open to learning you can always find a way to stretch yourself and your team. Trying to keep growing to allow your team the space to improve and grow as well. Horses have made me incredibly curious as the more you understand, the more you want to know. They have opened doors to understand people.
People and Teams Are Different
You have to adjust how you manage people differently. Different people are motivated by different things and the way you manage one person may not get the best out of someone else. Being directive with tasks and steps for one person gets them motivated as they love a list and love a step by step guide. They need to know they are doing a good job because the instructions were clear and they want to follow them to the letter. Trying to manage a creative like that will get the worst out of them. Giving them exact lists and step by step instructions doesn’t allow for any creativity in how to do get a job done. They want to understand the job and then let them go away and get the job done. Well, I had my aha moment managing horses. I have a horse who needs very clear instructions and he will do as he is told, however, I also have a highly emotional mare who needs you to feel an emotional connection before you ask for anything. I am sure we have all had team members like this. One is all business and leaves their personal issues at the door, the other needs to know about your family and the weekend before you can talk about work.
Self Awareness
As a leader you can “fake it till you make it” but with a horse, you cannot lie. I have found a way to be more authentic with all my flaws and get more comfortable with who I am. This space is so much better to lead from.
You Can Be a Great Leader Too
If you don’t have access to a horse and a great trainer to learn how to lead. Focus on being your best version of yourself, and being honest with yourself. The other thing that I would say is to embrace the fear and love the learning.
Living in a world where we are constantly comparing ourselves to others, can have the sad result of us losing ourselves while trying to be more like everyone we see on social media. We find ourselves judging ourselves and others.
In order to live your purpose in life and to be authentically you the first step is to understand who you are. This requires you to be vulnerable and aware of – your weaknesses, your strengths, your beliefs, your goals, your personality, your motivations, and your morals.
These are all the traits that make you who are you and how you respond to the world. Once you understand what you are made of and you have to realize that all of those aspects are capable of changes and improvement.
In this guide, we’ll give you tips on how you can ultimately increase your self-awareness for the greater purpose of becoming the best version of yourself. Self-awareness is one of the key factors in improving your emotional intelligence.
Attracting Awareness
It’s easier said than done, we know! But it all starts with a suggestion to your brain, which can then get it through its filter and allow it to have an impact on how you feel, think and experience.
Let’s have a look at the 4 things you can do to become more self-aware!
1. Get To Know You
Have you ever sat down with yourself and asked the question: “Who am I?”
And more importantly… Would you be able to answer that question if it was asked of you?
The first step in building a healthy awareness of yourself is to understand who you truly are when you look at yourself objectively.
This step is easier if you think about yourself from an outsider perspective. Think about how people who know you well would answer. I find this is the easiest place to start. How would your best friend describe you? How would your family describe you and then you can start to dig a little deeper. Then you can think about your own perceptions of yourself if you were to look at yourself objectively.
During this process, you shouldn’t compare yourself to others, but rather look at yourself as an individual without comparisons while looking at your accomplishments, interests, beliefs, and personality.
Granted, though, you will never be able to map out your entirety on a piece of paper, but you can get to know the most frequently occurring patterns you have, that make the most of your life.
2. Journaling
One of the best ways to keep track of your daily emotions, reactions, and feelings is to keep a journal in which you write down those things.
It’s amazing how putting pen to paper can really put things into perspective;
Writing down your feelings, thoughts, failures and successes of the day will give you a fresh view of how you deal with things.
Journaling is a means of self-reflection to not only see your strengths, but also your weaknesses as it gives you the objective perspective to change bad reactions in the future.
Recording your daily way of acting and reacting will also help you clear your mind and open up space for positive energy.
During our daily lives we can become quite robotic as if we are on autopilot just cruising through our schedules and before we know it, weeks and months have flown by.
To savour every moment of the day, we have to be more mindful of what we do, this means being aware of good and bad habits while enforcing better habits more.
Trying to keep up with a fast-paced world can keep us from enjoying small pleasures like breathing in fresh air or simply going for a stroll around the neighbourhood.
Which tasks during your day give you a sense of serenity, calmness, and happiness?
Is it washing the dishes, meditating, cooking, or exercising?
Ensure that you do these kinds of activities more!
4. Ask For Feedback
Even though it might be a bit scary, it’s important to know what our friends, family, and even colleagues think about us and our behaviour.
Ask those closest to you to give an honest and open, but critical and objective, description of who they see you as, to give you a better idea of what people truly think of you.
Honest feedback from people around us will give us a better idea of who we are and how our behaviour affects our everyday lives.
Obviously, it’s important that you remain open-minded and non-offensive during an honest feedback session from a friend, listening with an open heart might help you recognize something within yourself you never knew was there.
In the end to be more self-aware, switch off your devices and go inward to discover the true you.
Once you make contact with the authentic person inside, you are well on your way to improve relationships around you and your emotional intelligence. You’ll in fact exit the main sequence of emotional and behavioural patterns, opening room for more, new experiences and things.
My recent learning experiences have all highlighted the power and importance of the pause. It feels like a lesson I’m still trying to figure out. When you think about it, a pause is so important it is everywhere.
Recently I was at a conference, listening to some incredible speakers. I was learning more about horses and equine-assisted learning. One of the speakers was talking about the power of taking time off. She was using the example of her own small business and simply shutting it for a year. The thought seemed horrifying to me until I really started to listen and reflect. With the power of the pause, it is OK to stop and pause, because often in the silence is when the magic happens.
Ever had your best ideas at 2 am in the morning or in the shower when you are simply not thinking about anything else. It is in the still moments when our creativity happens.
COVID Pause
Fit your own oxygen mask
For me one of those moments was in the exhaustion. In the first wave of COVID, I got a chance to stop and think and really look for answers. One of the questions I continued to grapple with is what can I learn from this experience. If this was a life lesson I wanted to make sure I got from it what I could. The message was “fit your own oxygen mask first”.
This analogy was given to me at a leadership forum. It resonated with me as I was flying a lot at the time so visually and emotionally I understood it. We were talking about how as leaders in our own organisations we needed to be at our best so that we can support our teams. You cannot lead others if you are stressed out and not coping. You simply don’t make great decisions and have nothing left in the tank for everyone else. So take some time to do the things that make you stronger and fill your cup.
The rest and regeneration are essential, you need to be the one steering the ship. Now is not the time to do more, but, to be more present.
The Power of Pause in Horse Training
Sitting around doing nothing is the most important thing to do when you are training a horse. Horses learn in the pause. It’s called soaking. You can understand for a woman who is always on the go and trying to fit one more thing in my day, this concept has taken me years to get my head around.
My horse riding used to be on a schedule. Generally, I had 40 minutes before the sun sets and I have to run through a dressage test because I have a competition coming up. So for my poor horse, he just had to run through the movements, because practice makes perfect, right. This only satisfies one member of the team. It’s a lot how I explain the difference between management and leadership. I would give the instructions and my horse just needed to follow the instructions. If he got it wrong or got it right we would do it again.
horse training
In horse language, we were writing lines but he just wasn’t sure what he had done that he needed to write the lines.
For a horse, when they get something right the pressure needs to come off. The question was answered and so they understand they have done a good job they get to rest. You do this a few times and suddenly you are training your horse to try harder.
Their reward is in the pause. It is how they process what they learnt and how they know they got it right. If you don’t allow a horse to pause and “soak” they get frustrated and confused. You create behavioural problems. The power of the pause builds their confidence.
It is the same with people. If you don’t stop and recognise when they do something great they stop trying. Even worse when you continue to ask the same question and point out their mistakes soon they become disengaged or even develop mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Pause in Public speaking
The Presentation Guru has a great article on the power of the pause in public speaking. You should pause before you start talking and command the attention of the room. Have you ever been to a talk and someone simply stands at the lectern and somehow the room starts to get quiet? Those that keep talking get hushed by others. That comes from the power of the pause. When you make a point in speaking then pause people have time to reflect on what you said and it emphasises that point.
Great orators defiantely know the power of the pause.
Music
The pause in music
“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
A Moment in Argument
Have you ever taken just a moment of pause in a heated discussion? The short moment to pause and breathe allows your brain a moment to respond and not react. If you have children this is a powerful tool! No parent hasn’t had a moment where they have lost their rational thought process with their child.
In a moment of frustration, we all want to be able to replay that moment and do it differently. But if you can practise a pause and a breath you can “not sweat the small stuff”. Their room is a mess and they haven’t done the dishes as you asked them a million times already. Rather than lose your cool a pause may help you reframe the conversation and save your relationship. A simple pause can some of the most important relationships in our lives and stop us from saying something we can’t take back.
Negotiations
The pause in a complex discussion also allows you to hear and to really listen. One of my early bosses who was teaching about sales and negotiation used the phrase “he who speaks first loses” you need to get comfortable in the silence.
Stop Revive Survive
This was a national driving campaign encouraging drivers to take a break every 2 hours. Driving tired is equivalent to driving under the influence of alcohol. So if you shouldn’t trust your tired self behind the wheel of the car what else is your tired self in charge of that could be dangerous. The fatality rate of fatigue when driving is one of the 3 big killers on our roads. So, there are times where your life depends on the pause.
The Pause in Meditation
When meditating you are literally trying to find the silence and the pause. There is a lot of research about the health benefits of meditation and the power of that pause.
The research from Harvard explained the power of meditation in reducing stress in your nervous system.
There are two parts to our nervous system: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. These two parts perform different functions and each is important. The sympathetic nervous system prepares our body to react to stress (“fight or flight”) and the parasympathetic helps us recover from stress (“rest and digest”).
So when we are stressed or come into a stressful situation we need our body to release chemicals that temporarily improve performance. In some instances, these chemicals produce a high and allow us to perform at our peak. Cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones increase heart rate, slow digestion, and increase blood pressure, all to allow greater blood flow to our muscles, heart, and brain to be able to think or act quickly. But we also need to switch off this response and put our body into the rest and digest mode.
Meditation allows our parasympathetic nervous system to engage and for us to recover. Meditation retreats are silent for days to not only rest your body and mind. They give you patience and clarity.
The Power of Prayer
Even the regular act of silence and prayer can physically change your brain. Neurological studies have shown that it changes the frontal lobe. In addition, there is also evidence that those who regularly use prayer to a loving God rather than a punitive God also reduces their anxiety, depression, and stress and increases feelings of security, compassion, and love.
When we are overstimulated we lose our creativity. We lose our energy and we lose ourselves. We need to learn to celebrate the pause, rather than the hustle. By fitting more in a day we are less effective, we have somewhere learned to wear with pride being busy. Try doing more by stopping and feel the power of the pause.
