Fear. Anxiety. Dry mouth. Reactive. Upset in the pit of your stomach. Worry. Heart racing. What if… Emotional. Exhausted. As I sit and reflect on the reactions of my mind and body during periods of personal growth they are all very uncomfortable states. I keep telling myself it’s where the magic happens. It is pushing through the discomfort. The growth is on the edges.
I have personally been in a zone of discomfort for some time now. And thinking, why do I continue to do this to myself?
Discomfort
My current story for context is I have recently packed up my entire life and moved interstate, leaving behind a well-established network, family and friends. Whilst I realise I am not the first person to do this I didn’t fully appreciate how difficult it would be.
Finding myself without a vet for my horses almost tipped me over the edge when Peggy got an abscess and was in extreme discomfort. I just wanted someone with a degree to look at my horse and tell me it was going to be ok. Instead, I sat sobbing in my paddock face buried in my hands sitting in the dirt beside my horse. After trying unsuccessfully to get three different vets out to look at my horse, I felt defeated and my head was filled with negative thoughts.
It wasn’t just that moment but lots of smaller hard moments too. There are many time-consuming tasks in finding a dentist, doctor, hairdresser, mechanic, and most importantly a good barrister. People that you need to trust to give you good advice and support. Your network and community. These take time to build and I am trying to do it all whilst taking on a new all consuming job.
These simple things are things we take for granted and don’t use our conscious thinking, they become our routine, like finding the best route to work in the morning. What I have realised that all these tasks become mentally exhausting until we build new mental pathways in our brains.
Now, as I sit facing another day with a daunting to-do list. I am reminding myself it’s in the discomfort that we experience growth. Our personal growth happens on the edges. I know this fact to be true.
It is going through and surviving some of the darkest moments in my life that I have realised what I am really capable of.
As I reflect on all those who I have helped going through extraordinary circumstances, this is the common thread. It’s about understanding that feeling of discomfort is ok. Sometimes it’s great!
Controlling our environment
I am not sure why we have been trained to believe that we think life should be easy and we should always be happy. It’s not real life. Our curated world on social media shows us the highlight reels of everyone else’s existence. The advertising and marketing messages we are served up are clear if you have “this product or service” you will be happy and all your problems will be solved. You should be comfortable. And what happens to all of us after hearing and believing these messages constantly is that we move away from any level of discomfort at any cost. We control our environment to the point that we don’t experience discomfort. We live in air conditioning, don’t get wet, don’t get dirty, and somehow everything around us need to be perfect and controlled. Why? And how did we get here?
Feeling positive emotions all the time. It’s simply not true, nor is it possible. It’s actually unhealthy.
So, my revolution and evolution came when I started changing how I thought about that anxious and fearful feeling. It matters. Because being scared and uncomfortable is where you learn and where the magic happens.
Personal growth happens on the edges, it often happens when we step outside of our comfort zones and face situations that make us uncomfortable. When we are uncomfortable, we are often forced to confront our fears, doubts, and limiting beliefs, which are the catalyst for personal growth.
Find ways to challenge yourself:
I have found when I step into the space to do things that I am not comfortable with, I find new experiences and learning opportunities. You learn new things about yourself.
Overcoming obstacles:
This is the best way to build resilience. No book or course is going to give you better skills than when you face obstacles and challenges that make you uncomfortable. Learning problem-solving skills and patience is developed through practice. So the best the best possible way to develop your problem-solving skills is through overcoming obstacles.
Learning from mistakes:
When you make mistakes or fail, it can be uncomfortable. Let’s be honest no one likes making mistakes but it can also provide invaluable learning experiences that help us grow and improve. The quickest way to learn and improve is through mistakes, embrace them.
Developing new perspectives:
Understanding others happens when you step out of your comfort zones. Have you ever gone to another country and experienced a different culture or a different lifestyle? It is where you can gain new perspectives and insights, compassion and understanding come through a new perspective. This helps us to grow and develop as individuals.
When we face our fears and overcome challenges, we can develop confidence in ourselves and our abilities, which can help us grow and achieve our goals.
It’s important to remember that personal growth can be uncomfortable at times, but it’s also a necessary part of life. By embracing discomfort and facing our fears, anything is possible.
I recently had the joy of listening to Shane Fitzsimmons Commissioner of Resilience NSW give a talk recently. And I have a small confession I am a fan! During his talk, he had a brilliant analogy for leadership and for your teams which I thought was incredibly relatable. Flat tyres are like leadership.
Your underperforming staff are like a flat tyre and sometimes your flat tyre just needs to be pumped up. It’s lost some pressure but nothing is fundamentally wrong with the tyre it just needs some air. Or your tyre has a puncture, but it is fixable it needs a patch and to be pumped up and can be refitted back on. But sometimes your tyre has blown out and simply just needs to be replaced.
When he explained this a bit further the flat tyre also can have different consequences. A flat tyre if you are on a unicycle, is different to a flat tyre on the front wheel of a fully laden passenger bus.
What does this mean for your leadership you need to respond to your underperforming staff like flat tyres. Sometimes you need to decide if they simply need a pump up or are they a complete blowout on a fully laden school bus. You as the leader need to respond to your underperforming team the same way as a flat tyre. Who needs a pump and who needs to be replaced because they are dangerous. I was thinking about the stressors of COVID and teams. I know there are a lot of leaders at the moment who are pumping up tyres. I am wondering how many leaders in workplaces are trying to pump up tyres that just need to be replaced. During this time when teams are remote, it is like having a faulty pressure gauge. it is harder to get clarity and focus on which of your tyres are flat.
Shane is a cool calm leader who was brilliant during the black summer bush fires of 2019-2020. I tuned in on a daily basis to listen to his updates as it was something that affected me and my family. We had a fire front near our house for months.
He was plain speaking, direct about when we needed to be concerned, gave the facts. But he also cared. I think that many of our modern leaders could learn how to manage a crisis from Shane Fitzsimmons. His authenticity and empathy were genuine and this was his part of his advice, show up, show you care and be authentic.
His talk on community engagement and leadership just made me admire the man even more.
Here’s how to create positive affirmations that you can believe in and achieve all your life’s greatest desires. Whether you believe it or not, you can attract anything in your life that you give attention to, because like attracts like. Positive affirmations are a powerful tool that can make the opposite happen. By believing in a thought or sentence and repeating it to yourself regularly, you have the power to attract more positivity to your life.
Your words are incredibly powerful, and when done correctly, positive affirmations can be an impactful tool that will help you find the power to accomplish things that you didn’t think was possible. However, they only work if you believe them.
Identify What You Want
To get started writing a positive affirmation for your life, you have to think about what you really want. Think about what would make your life happier and write those thoughts down. The essential part of creating positive affirmations is ensuring that you are completely clear about what you want without worrying about the when or the how.
List the Attributes You’ll Need
When you’ve identified what you want, the next step is determining the attributes that you’ll need to achieve your goal. You should list between four and six things. You attributes are the things that you need to be, rather than the things that you need to do. Once you’ve written these out, circle a few that you believe to be the most essential attributes that you will need to embody to reach your goal.
Write Your Affirmation
Once you have your desires and attributes written down, it’s time to create your affirmation. You want to create a statement that is between one and two sentences, and that states the goal and attributes in a positive and empowering way. This can be challenging, so you should write down some ideas as they come to you and repeat them out loud.
Practice Your New Affirmation
Now that you’ve created an affirmation, it’s time to practice it and repeat it often. You want to be sure to repeat your affirmations every day. To help you remember to say your statements you set a reminder on your phone, you can set your phone’s background to a picture of your affirmation, so you see it every time you use your phone, or you can put them on Post-Its and place them around your home or office. Do whatever works for you.
Affirmations are incredibly helpful in helping you achieve your desires as long as you do them correctly. You have the power to use your mind to create the future you desire.
Your Beliefs Shape Your Life So You Better Choose Them Wisely.
A lot of people think that their beliefs are like clothes. They really don’t have much choice in the matter. They just walk up to their closet, pick out what’s there, wear it, and move on to the next set of clothes the next day.
If that is you, your attitude towards your beliefs could be limiting your life. It would come as no surprise that you are not living your life to your fullest potential. Whether this means enjoying the best job, making the most money in your field, enjoying the best relationships, or looking physically fit, beliefs play a major role in your life. No matter how clueless you are about its role, beliefs will continue to remain important in your life.
Where Do Beliefs Draw Their Power?
Beliefs are like glasses. Depending on the grade of your glasses, the world may look crystal clear or it may look very fuzzy and you might even have a nasty headache when using glasses that have the wrong grade.
Beliefs work the same way. When you perceive reality, and I’m talking about the things that you can see, hear, touch, taste, and smell, they have to be filtered by something in your head. This is called your belief system. It’s your lens, through which you look at the world. So many things can change your lens, your past, trauma, culture all influence your beliefs.
When you filter this information, you give it meaning. You give it color. You give it a certain slant or angle. What do you think happens next? Your analysis of the things that you choose to perceive impacts the things you say, the things you do, and the things you feel about yourself and the rest of the world.
In other words, this is important stuff but the problem is a lot of people think that since they think a certain way that this is reality. They confuse objective reality, which everyone could agree with, with their own subjective take on the things that they perceive.
Also, other people excuse their own warped way of perceiving reality by saying that that’s just who they are or it’s part of their personality. How dare people question them!
Beliefs are chosen. Just as you can choose your clothes, you can choose your beliefs. I’m not saying that it’s easy. After all, beliefs do become habitual after a while. You don’t hang onto a belief system because it is just flat-out wrong and harms you. There’s something about the belief system that you have chosen that gives you enough benefits for it to be worth hanging onto.
Limiting Beliefs
It’s like wearing really raggedy shoes. You probably have really old shoes in your home. They look nasty and they could even smell like a rat died in them but, for whatever reason, you like wearing those shoes because they’re comfortable. You know that they don’t look the best; they don’t perform all that well but you prefer their comfort. They do well enough and serve you well enough so you keep them around and you use them day to day.
The same applies to your beliefs. There are many belief systems that have simply outlived their purpose or usefulness. It’s important for us to take a long, hard look at our beliefs and ask ourselves some hard questions. Otherwise, we will be living far below our potential. We would continue to look at reality with tools that really don’t serve us. That’s a tragedy.
When you become aware of your beliefs and are conscious of your lens you are looking at the world through you have a chance to change them. Emotional Intelligence could be a way to change your limiting beliefs that shape your life.
There are so many leadership lessons in the Wizard of Oz. I thought I would share some. Recently I went to an end of the year competition with my riding club and one of the events is the fancy dress competition. I went with a Wizard of Oz theme. It is usually heavily contested and this year I went dressed as Dorothy and my horse was the Cowardly Lion. Which is why I began thinking about the deep morals and life lessons in the story.
Vision
Every good leader needs a vision and a plan. Simply put: a strategy. The Yellow Brick Road is an easy to follow strategy so regardless of who your team is they can step on the path with you and know where you are going.
“It’s always best to start at the beginning. And all you do is follow the Yellow Brick Road.”
– Glinda the Good Witch of Oz
Courage
Courage requires those in a leadership role to step up when it seems too hard for others. As leaders, most things that make it to your desk are too complex for others or have no clear answer. Making brave decisions requires courage. Courage is also required when you are the one that needs to bring conviction and enthusiasm when you are having a bad day.
“Courage! What makes a king out of a slave? Courage! What have they got that I ain’t got? ” – Cowardly Lion
Courage doesn’t mean being frightened. Courage is about being scared and showing up anyway.
Dorothy: Weren’t you frightened?
Wizard of Oz: Frightened? Child, you’re talking to a man who’s laughed in the face of death, sneered at doom, and chuckled at catastrophe… I was petrified.
Relationships Matter
When we are managing staff or trying to influence others, they will not seek out your advice because of how much you know, but, because of how much you care. Show people you are genuinely interested in them and their success and they will show respect. Relationships with those around you matter.
“A heart is not judged by how much you love, but by how much you are loved by others.” – The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Experience
Experience counts. Wisdom often comes from our greatest mistakes not from our greatest successes. So don’t discount those around you who have failed. They are often the greatest teachers. Wisdom and experience can be your own, but in leadership, hire people smarter than you and be brave enough to say “I don’t know”.
“A baby has brains, but it doesn’t know much. Experience is the only thing that brings knowledge, and the longer you are on earth the more experience you are sure to get.” – The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Uncertainty and Change
The tornado could represent several major disruptions. It is the winds of change and things happen outside of our control. 2020 has been a perfect illustration of chaos and significant upheaval. How many of us have felt that discomfort, had to pivot, and had to find new ways to operate outside our comfort zone. We need to learn to embrace change, challenges and uncertainty. They will be there regardless and we need to view them as opportunities.
“Toto, I’ve a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore.” – Dorothy.
Communication
Clear communication is critical because if we explain our vision in a way that others can engage with we have no one on our path. Communication is critical but it also requires active listening. To persuade others, you need to hear them first.
Dorothy: How can you talk, if you haven’t got a brain?
The Scarecrow: I don’t know. But, some people without brains do an awful lot of talking, don’t they?
Heart Led
The Tin Man shows us how to have a heart and have compassion. Leaders need to have a heart and be emotionally engaged with their staff, customers and their organisation. If you can learn to express how you feel authentically, it shows you care. It will attract and motivate others who want to work for you and want to care too. No one wants to work for a cold heartless boss.
“I shall take the heart. For brains do not make one happy, and happiness is the best thing in the world”. – Tin Man
“You people with hearts, have something to guide you, and need never do wrong; but I have no heart, and so I must be very careful”. – Tin Man
We are in this together
Team Diversity
A lion, a tin man, a scarecrow and a dog? All had their strengths and weakness. It is valuing all team members for what they can offer at different times.
“It’s not where you go, its who you meet along the way” – Wizard of Oz
Power and Leadership
There is a difference between power and leadership. We have all come across people in power who do not have leadership skills. Where those skills lack they often resort to power to get others to do what they want. When you pull back the curtain on them they are scared and confused.
“I am Oz, the Great and Terrible,” said the little man, in a trembling voice, “but don’t strike me—please don’t!—and I’ll do anything you want me to.” – The Wonderful Wizard of Oz
Self Care
As leaders, we need to value ourselves in the journey and take time to look after our selves as well. Often we have the answers but get burned out and exhausted. Value yourself and your experience and you will find your own ruby slippers to guide you home.
“You’ve always had the power, my dear, you just had to learn it for yourself.” – Glinda the Good Witch
“There is no place like home”
You as a leader also need to do what makes you happy and feeds your soul. Sometimes that is right in front of you and don’t forget to value your family and your personal time and space.
“If I ever go looking for my heart’s desire again, I won’t look any further than my own back yard. Because if it isn’t there, I never really lost it, to begin with! Is that right? – Dorothy.
There are so many life and leadership lessons in the Wizard of Oz. I found so many that I found it hard to narrow it to 10. The one lesson I have learned in 2020 is self-care. I need to remind myself, “There is no place like home” and the ruby red shoes will always have pride of place on my feet.
