My recent learning experiences have all highlighted the power and importance of the pause. It feels like a lesson I’m still trying to figure out. When you think about it, a pause is so important it is everywhere.
Recently I was at a conference, listening to some incredible speakers. I was learning more about horses and equine-assisted learning. One of the speakers was talking about the power of taking time off. She was using the example of her own small business and simply shutting it for a year. The thought seemed horrifying to me until I really started to listen and reflect. With the power of the pause, it is OK to stop and pause, because often in the silence is when the magic happens.
Ever had your best ideas at 2 am in the morning or in the shower when you are simply not thinking about anything else. It is in the still moments when our creativity happens.
COVID Pause
Fit your own oxygen mask
For me one of those moments was in the exhaustion. In the first wave of COVID, I got a chance to stop and think and really look for answers. One of the questions I continued to grapple with is what can I learn from this experience. If this was a life lesson I wanted to make sure I got from it what I could. The message was “fit your own oxygen mask first”.
This analogy was given to me at a leadership forum. It resonated with me as I was flying a lot at the time so visually and emotionally I understood it. We were talking about how as leaders in our own organisations we needed to be at our best so that we can support our teams. You cannot lead others if you are stressed out and not coping. You simply don’t make great decisions and have nothing left in the tank for everyone else. So take some time to do the things that make you stronger and fill your cup.
The rest and regeneration are essential, you need to be the one steering the ship. Now is not the time to do more, but, to be more present.
The Power of Pause in Horse Training
Sitting around doing nothing is the most important thing to do when you are training a horse. Horses learn in the pause. It’s called soaking. You can understand for a woman who is always on the go and trying to fit one more thing in my day, this concept has taken me years to get my head around.
My horse riding used to be on a schedule. Generally, I had 40 minutes before the sun sets and I have to run through a dressage test because I have a competition coming up. So for my poor horse, he just had to run through the movements, because practice makes perfect, right. This only satisfies one member of the team. It’s a lot how I explain the difference between management and leadership. I would give the instructions and my horse just needed to follow the instructions. If he got it wrong or got it right we would do it again.
horse training
In horse language, we were writing lines but he just wasn’t sure what he had done that he needed to write the lines.
For a horse, when they get something right the pressure needs to come off. The question was answered and so they understand they have done a good job they get to rest. You do this a few times and suddenly you are training your horse to try harder.
Their reward is in the pause. It is how they process what they learnt and how they know they got it right. If you don’t allow a horse to pause and “soak” they get frustrated and confused. You create behavioural problems. The power of the pause builds their confidence.
It is the same with people. If you don’t stop and recognise when they do something great they stop trying. Even worse when you continue to ask the same question and point out their mistakes soon they become disengaged or even develop mental health issues like anxiety and depression.
Pause in Public speaking
The Presentation Guru has a great article on the power of the pause in public speaking. You should pause before you start talking and command the attention of the room. Have you ever been to a talk and someone simply stands at the lectern and somehow the room starts to get quiet? Those that keep talking get hushed by others. That comes from the power of the pause. When you make a point in speaking then pause people have time to reflect on what you said and it emphasises that point.
Great orators defiantely know the power of the pause.
Music
The pause in music
“The music is not in the notes, but in the silence between.” ― Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart
A Moment in Argument
Have you ever taken just a moment of pause in a heated discussion? The short moment to pause and breathe allows your brain a moment to respond and not react. If you have children this is a powerful tool! No parent hasn’t had a moment where they have lost their rational thought process with their child.
In a moment of frustration, we all want to be able to replay that moment and do it differently. But if you can practise a pause and a breath you can “not sweat the small stuff”. Their room is a mess and they haven’t done the dishes as you asked them a million times already. Rather than lose your cool a pause may help you reframe the conversation and save your relationship. A simple pause can some of the most important relationships in our lives and stop us from saying something we can’t take back.
Negotiations
The pause in a complex discussion also allows you to hear and to really listen. One of my early bosses who was teaching about sales and negotiation used the phrase “he who speaks first loses” you need to get comfortable in the silence.
Stop Revive Survive
This was a national driving campaign encouraging drivers to take a break every 2 hours. Driving tired is equivalent to driving under the influence of alcohol. So if you shouldn’t trust your tired self behind the wheel of the car what else is your tired self in charge of that could be dangerous. The fatality rate of fatigue when driving is one of the 3 big killers on our roads. So, there are times where your life depends on the pause.
The Pause in Meditation
When meditating you are literally trying to find the silence and the pause. There is a lot of research about the health benefits of meditation and the power of that pause.
The research from Harvard explained the power of meditation in reducing stress in your nervous system.
There are two parts to our nervous system: the sympathetic and parasympathetic. These two parts perform different functions and each is important. The sympathetic nervous system prepares our body to react to stress (“fight or flight”) and the parasympathetic helps us recover from stress (“rest and digest”).
So when we are stressed or come into a stressful situation we need our body to release chemicals that temporarily improve performance. In some instances, these chemicals produce a high and allow us to perform at our peak. Cortisol, adrenaline, and other stress hormones increase heart rate, slow digestion, and increase blood pressure, all to allow greater blood flow to our muscles, heart, and brain to be able to think or act quickly. But we also need to switch off this response and put our body into the rest and digest mode.
Meditation allows our parasympathetic nervous system to engage and for us to recover. Meditation retreats are silent for days to not only rest your body and mind. They give you patience and clarity.
The Power of Prayer
Even the regular act of silence and prayer can physically change your brain. Neurological studies have shown that it changes the frontal lobe. In addition, there is also evidence that those who regularly use prayer to a loving God rather than a punitive God also reduces their anxiety, depression, and stress and increases feelings of security, compassion, and love.
When we are overstimulated we lose our creativity. We lose our energy and we lose ourselves. We need to learn to celebrate the pause, rather than the hustle. By fitting more in a day we are less effective, we have somewhere learned to wear with pride being busy. Try doing more by stopping and feel the power of the pause.
I have been so inspired watching the olympics. My horse is not so thankful because now I believe I can ride so much better than I can. Poor pippi she is telling me I probably need some more coaching first.
But my inspiration comes from the stories behind the teams of the athletes.
Our current Olympic Equestrian team are providing so much inspiration. The equestrians are really conquering Tokyo Olympics and are providing so many firsts and triumphs. These riders and horses are showing us what is possible with the right intentions.
Age is not a Barrier
When you set goals, age is no barrier. I am so inspired by Andrew Hoy. Imagine reaching your goal at 62. Andrew Hoy is the oldest person to win a gold medal. I have watched him ride in my youth at the Olympics thinking I want to do that. He has competed in eight Olympic games, which is also an Australian Record.
“Our two children, Philippa and Oscar, they’re at home and the nanny’s looking after them. Philippa sent a message this morning. She turns four tomorrow and she sent a message saying, ‘Daddy well done, you rode really good yesterday and I want you to bring home another medal’. I can’t say I did it for Philippa because the passion comes from here (heart) with me.”
Woman and Men Are Equal.
Germany’s Julia Krajewski has entered the equestrian record books as the very first female athlete to win the Individual Olympic eventing gold medal. Its a sport were woman and men compete against each other equally! I cant think of another sport were we are not divided into gender.
The 32-year-old rider who is based in Warendorf, Germany has had a really tough year, beginning with the passing of her father and then having to retire her top horse Samurai du Thot after he had his eye removed because of a lingering infection. So she competed on a mare she calls Mandy.
“I really benefited form the trust I have in my horse. I tried to imagine I was at home under lights and I said, Mande, we are really going to rock it now. I was just so proud of my horse.
Being first female to win gold. I really didn’t know no female had never won gold because of all the great ladies in our sport. It’s about time and maybe quite fitting for the time we are in. Everything is possible. Everyone who has a dream or a passion should go for it. Nothing can hold you back if you have dream.“
Teamwork Makes the Dream Work
A one eyed horse, Viscera, swiss ridden by an amazing riding Therese Viklund from (Sweden) competed at the Olympics eventing. I wouldn’t have thought possible this is an extraordinary feat. The course at Tokyo, was very challenging for top teams so to have a physical disability is simply incredible. Loosing an eye creates an issue with depth perception for horses. The trust in this team is something remarkable. Team work can overcome obstacles where physical limitations make it impossible as an individual.
It certainly hasn’t deterred Viscera, who “is so tough and believes so much in herself, I think, that she just can do anything,” Therese describes.
Therese says she was quite nervous for her first competitions back after the surgery, describing a big drop at Boekelo that some had warned her might be tough for a one-eyed horse’s depth perception. “But she just popped down like nothing and there haven’t been any problems at all,” Therese says. “She’s mentally always been really secure in herself and it must have been helping her.”
Trust
Olympic hero Laura Collett’s, British gold medal comes eight years after an accident that nearly killed her and permanently blinded her in one eye. I cant imagine what it would be like to jump those massive jumps with impaired vision. The trust you would need to have in your horse.
‘I have blurred vision in a quarter of the eye and the rest is blacked out.
‘With no recollection of my accident at all.
“Just to be here was more than a dream come true, and to be stood here, with a gold medal, I look back where I was eight years ago – I knew I was lucky to be alive, yet alone do the job I love.”
Everyone else was more worried about me getting on a horse for the first time than I was, but it was part of me getting better as it gave me something to look forward to.
“It’s a dream come true just to Be here. I feel like someone is going to pinch me and I’m going to wake up from the dream. To be able to be selected this year has been a fight, it’s been tough.
Imagine taking life lessons from our equestrian riders. But hard work, respect for any age, team work, and disability is no barrier. It is all so inclusive and I love it.
Why are some people happy all of the time? The happiest people have habits that raise the odds of feeling happy. Unhappy people have habits that result in less desirable feelings. It can be that simple. If you’re not as happy as you’d like, take a look at your habits.
Those that are happy share many qualities. Adopting these same qualities will yield positive results.
Habits that lead to happiness are enjoyable to implement:
Obviously, if you believe good things will happen, it’s much more likely that you’ll be happy. Expecting the worst does nothing to improve your mood! Realistically, it’s not even important to expect a positive outcome, only to believe that everything will be okay.
Optimism is also a form of belief in yourself. If you believe that you can handle any outcome, you can be optimistic and have the mental freedom to be happy.
Doing things for others provides multiple benefits. You can see firsthand that you have a lot to be grateful for. You can feel good about yourself for assisting others. You have a good reason to get out of the house. You also feel useful.
Make a list of at least three ways you can help others that will also fit into your schedule.
Do you realize how many great things and people you already have in your life? By maintaining focus on the things you don’t have, you’re making yourself unhappy. Experiencing gratitude helps to create feelings of happiness.
An exciting future.Maximum happiness requires that you have something to look forward to. It can be graduating from college, having a baby, retirement, a vacation, or a hot date on Saturday night. Have a few goals that give you a reason to be excited. Have goals that are both short-term and long-term.
Spend some time doing things that you’re good at. It feels good to do well at something. It doesn’t have to be a competitive event. You can hit golf balls at the range or play the guitar and feel great about yourself.
Make of list of the things you excel at and try to spend at least a little time each day doing one of them.
It’s impossible to avoid challenging times. Sooner or later, something will happen that threatens your progress, success, or happiness. Resilience is the ability to continue forging ahead. Some people have a knack for making obstacles seem bigger than they really are. Others are able to maintain their composure and continue making progress.
Reasonable expectations.When your expectations are overly optimistic, you’ll routinely experience disappointment. When your expectations are consistently low, you won’t feel very optimistic. Neither is a recipe for happiness.
How can you be happy while holding a grudge? Forgiving others quickly and easily make happiness possible. You might feel that some people don’t deserve forgiveness, but what is the alternative? Making yourself unhappy.
Spending your time pretending to be something you’re not is a challenge to your self-esteem. Happiness is allusive if you don’t feel comfortable being yourself. Allow your uniqueness to show.
Thinking about the past leads to regret. Thoughts of the future lead to anxiety. Keep your mind in the present if you want to experience happiness on a regular basis.
There’s nothing complicated about happiness. Forgive others, be yourself, give of yourself, and be grateful for the things and people you already have. Having an effective set of habits will result in feeling more happiness.
Everyone that isn’t happy wishes they were. Try these 20 ways to enhance yoru happiness. Event those that are already happy would like to be even happier. A life filled with happiness is a worthwhile goal and readily achievable. A life lacking happiness is a constant challenge. Happiness isn’t just about the big things. There are many small items that color your life and subtly add to or subtract from it.
If you’d like to add more happiness to your life, try these 20 tips:
1. Realize that money is great for solving problems, but does little to increase happiness
Need new tires on your car? Want to make a career change? Money is a great solution. However, once you have enough money to meet your basic needs, happiness is found elsewhere. More money doesn’t make you happier
4. Be mindful.
Let go of regret and worry. Your life is happening right now. You surely don’t want to miss anything
7. Be grateful
You probably have more good things in your life than you realize. Focus on those good things and your mood is sure to brighten
10. Focus on regular improvement instead of perfection
If being perfect is necessary to feel happy, you’re doomed to misery. Be happy with small, consistent improvement.
13. Get things done.
Procrastination is a happiness killer. Consider how much stress would be removed from your life if you got the essentials done on time.
16. Say “no.”
Avoiding agreeing to new obligations too quickly. If your plate is already full, piling on more responsibilities and commitments will only sour your mood.
19. Do something you’ve always wanted to do. Follow a dream or a passion.
Buy a cat or take piano lessons. Learn to speak French.
2. Sleep at least 7 hours each night
If you think you’re thriving on 5 hours of sleep, think again. Every study on the topic has shown that every measured performance metric improves when sleep is increased to a minimum of 7 hours.
5. Eat a healthy breakfast
Feel good about yourself by getting the day off on the right foot. You’ll also be more likely to eat a healthy lunch
8. Get out of the house
It’s easy to get stuck in a rut when you see and experience the same things consistently. See what else is going on in the world.
11. Try something new.
You probably haven’t read your favorite book, eaten in your favorite restaurant, or met your favorite person yet.
14. Spend time with those you love.
Few things can enhance your happiness more than spending quality time with those you love.
17. Smile.
Even if you don’t feel like it, smile. It’s free and you’ll feel just a little happier.
20. Introduce yourself to someone new.
The people in your life have a significant impact on your happiness. The person you meet today may become your best friend tomorrow.
3. Give at least one sincere compliment each day
Focus on the positive in others. You’ll feel better and receive the same consideration.
6. Spend regular time on a hobby you love
Work is required for most of us. Hobbies are optional. Spend part of your free time on activities you do just for fun
9. Find middle ground
Happiness is rarely found at the extremes. The middle path is the sweet spot.
12. Take a 10-minute break each hour.
Not only will you get more done each day, you’ll have more energy at the end of the day to enjoy yourself.
15. Say “yes.”
Some of us are too quick to say “no” to any new opportunity. Make it a point to say yes to new opportunities.
18. Pause.
Poor choices can create challenging situations. Before saying something unkind or making a major purchase, take a moment and calm yourself first.
Who wouldn’t want to experience a greater level of happiness on a regular basis? It’s much easier to be happier than you think. There are many simple things you can do each day to enhance your level of happiness.
Getting another COVID test this morning and realising my birthday will not be the celebration I had intended brings with it more grief and confusion. I realise that coping with COVID lockdowns takes a toll on my mental health and finding ways to get some of my routine back is important to me.
We are constantly being told by our government and health officials to be scared of being in contact with people. Watch the updates. Be informed of hot spots. Know what you are allowed to do. (and this changes each day) This is not great for my anxiety and overall wellbeing. I have also noticed these news updates are not great for those around me either, somehow this lockdown seems even harder than the first. I have had so many conversations with friends and colleagues, so confused and frustrated with the ongoing nature of the lockdowns. The recurring theme of the conversations continues to come back to when will there be a priority on the general mental health and wellbeing of our population. With mental health issues on the rise so many of us now know people not doing so well.
As a positive outcome, I guess we are now talking about our own mental health more openly. Maybe sharing this might allow someone else to talk about how they are coping too.
Changing Plans
Outside of a COVID Pandemic I live an incredibly busy life and constantly juggling time commitments is something I am use to. However being able to make plans and undo them constantly it is hard not to feel defeated. The “why bother”.
I thought given we had no community transmissions for some time I was going to have a party. Stop taking myself seriously and have some fun. I was encouraged on by my ever faithful husband and simply, why not! I have been gearing up to have a big birthday bash that I have spent late nights and weeks in the planning. Invites have gone out and decorations ordered, internationals friends flying in and accommodation organised. Its all now cancelled. I feel gutted for all my friends and family who cancelled other important events in their lives to come and celebrate a milestone birthday with me.
Learning how to cope
My issue is, I try cope in all the wrong ways I get serious and try to control stuff I have absolutely no control over. I tend to get incredibly busy with work and not spending enough time with my horses. I instinctively fill my time so that I don’t have to listen to my self-talk. This strategy is so short term, in the end it makes me feel worse. What I have learned is that if I slow down and spend more time with my horses I am always stronger mentally. It seems that this is a lesson I keep having to learn.
Managing People
As I try to find ways to navigate our organisation through COVID Pandemic with rules that are constantly changing, lockdowns and back out again, our team is looking at me for leadership. I am trying to build routine to create certainty and comfort for my team, the task almost seems impossible. As a people leader you are meant to be able to cope better than most and that is probably true but my routines are constantly changing. So what can be done? Well in trying to find some helpful resources and tips for myself and my team I came across some of these.
Finding routines, staying connected, eating well, and getting exercise.
Try not to judge others as you cannot control their response.
Everyone is doing the best they can with what they have available to them. Everybody has a story and emotional triggers, as we go through the COVID pandemic we can only try and use our own coping mechanisms.
Fear and anxiety
Fear and anxiety are the most common reactions, as we move through the pandemic and our health authorities, media are all continuing to provide messages that play into our fear responses. It is important to understand that fear and anxiety are a normal going in and out of lockdowns. But it all requires emotional energy.
Manage to find some small wins. They will be there if you look for them. And write down your accomplishments.
Control what can be controlled – there are a lot of things you can’t control that cause you fear and anxiety – but there are some things you can manage or plan for. Having an action plan for managing things you might find difficult can help.
Pace yourself – recognising that you need to go at the right pace for you is important. Don’t let others bully or pressure you into doing things you don’t want to – but try not to let that be an excuse not to push yourself, especially when it comes to reconnecting with friends safely, outside your home, when rules allow and the time is also right for you.
Build up tolerance – try doing something that challenges you every day, or every few days. Don’t beat yourself up if it doesn’t go well but keep at it. Keep a note of things you’ve achieved, enjoyed or surprised yourself doing.
Vary your routines – try and vary your routines so that you see different people and encounter different situations. If one supermarket makes you nervous, try another. If a walk at one time of the day is very busy, try mixing walks at busy times with walks at quieter times.
Talk to work – Many workplaces are allowing more flexible working even if people need to return. If you are finding it hard to get to work, or do particular shifts or activities because of anxiety or fear, speak to your manager or a colleague you trust if that feels right. If you have or have had longer term mental health problems, you may be entitled to reasonable adjustments.
Coping with uncertainty
Focus on the present – you can only do your best with what you have today. With regulations changing frequently, and lots of conflicting media discussions, try and keep a focus on the moment. Mindfulness meditation is one way of bringing your mind back to the present moment.
Bring things that are certain back into focus – whilst a lot of things are uncertain at the moment, there are also things to be hopeful about. Try to record and appreciate good things as they happen. Try and take opportunities to reset and relax.
Talk to people you trust – it’s important to talk about how you feel. Don’t dismiss your concerns or judge yourself too harshly. You may also be able to find your tribe online, but try and get outside perspectives too.
Changes I am making
I have realised I need to fit my own oxygen mask. I need to schedule more time to be with my horses. They provide the emotional regulation and exercise that I need to be at my best. I understand the importance that they have for my balance. It is my self care so I can help others.
Leadership is something that we are all called upon to provide at some point. One of the most common examples given is the parent-as-leader. If you are a parent, then you are required to provide guidance, teach, support, provide structure, and discipline for your children. We all know that there will be times when you must inspire your children to be the greatest versions of themselves. But there will also be times when you need to provide strict and stern instructions that could save their lives! I would argue that being a parent is the hardest leadership skill to learn in your whole life as it is a title you have 24hours a day seven days a week.
An influential leader will know how to listen and make the child feel heard, while at the same time giving them the space and the protection they need to grow.
We all think leadership is a topic that will typically interest businesses, managers, and CEOs. That is certainly very true that these are people who should try to understand what makes a good leader, but I think everyone should.
When your leadership skill could end up being a superpower. Imagine there is a crisis. Imagine that you’re in a public space when suddenly the place collapses. You are trapped beneath the rubble and everyone is panicking. This panic means people are trampling one another. You all need to work together in order to get help. This can only happen if a leader emerges in this crisis. In this situation your leadership skills are a superpower and you can be the one that everyone needs to step up and step forward in that moment. In this situation, the person who rises to become the leader will be the person who is the most informed, and the person who is the most confident. Imagine this situation if no one takes this position it is absolute chaos. Everyone is a capable of being this leader if the situation arises but you need to know how to step up in confidence.
Finally, leadership is something that can make your social life and even your dating life that much more enjoyable. In every relationship and certainly every group dynamic, there is a power structure. Being the leader means being the one who gets to call the shots, who decides the activity, and who takes responsibility. If you can be that person, then you’ll find it does wonders for every aspect of your life and career.
Being a great leader is not about yelling or controlling it is about nurturing, protecting, inspiring, guiding, and sacrificing. One of the most important skills for any influential leader to cultivate, is communication regardless of the role you playing. Your ability to write and speak will greatly impact on the way that people treat you, and the way that they respond to your instructions.
